I need help - how should I call?

[jenlovesty]

For those of you that were falling this thread about my husband with pictures of his ex on his phone:

http://archive.reefcentral.com/forum...readid=1012094

I locked my self in our room last night wanting to be alone and think. My husband wanted to talk things out. I wanted to think things out on my own. So he came to the door and wanted to know why I would not talk to him. One thing led to another and I was hurt so I started yelling and told him to get out. He said he did not have any place to go and I said I did not care, get out.

He freaked out, went to the night stand, grabbed his gun and went to the kitchen threatening to commit suicide. I tried as calmly as I could to talk him down, and he put the gun down. I told him that I was not leaving, I just needed time to think so he would not hurt himself. I dont know what to do.

[VoidRaven]

No offense but if the first thing you thought of was to post here instead of calling an in-law or family member to come over and take the weapon OUT of the house then I think there are some seriously larger issues at hand here. Get the firearm, and any others, OUT of his possession and the home in general ASAP. For your safety and for his.

Second....and again, no offense meant....I dunno if I would be talking about this here considering the level this has gone to. Got any close friends or really close family that you can call. I would start there.

I wish you the best and I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry to hear that this has escalated (sp?) way beyond expectations or predictions.

[dinoman]

Maybe Nina will have some suggestions or one of the other loungers since this is kinda a little up her ally. Just have to say you got my prayers...

[jenlovesty]

Originally posted by VoidRaven
No offense but if the first thing you thought of was to post here instead of calling an in-law or family member to come over and take the weapon OUT of the house then I think there are some seriously larger issues at hand here. Get the firearm, and any others, OUT of his possession and the home in general ASAP. For your safety and for his.

Second....and again, no offense meant....I dunno if I would be talking about this here considering the level this has gone to. Got any close friends or really close family that you can call. I would start there.

I wish you the best and I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry to hear that this has escalated (sp?) way beyond expectations or predictions.

I dont know what he did with if after the fight. I have never been in this situation. I talked to my mom last night, she wanted to come over, but I thought that would make things worse.

[VoidRaven]

I will appeal to those with experience and legal expertise here....but I will say, and I don't know if others will agree or not but I hope that they do, that you need to find out where that is and remove that variable quickly. I say this only because he went to the extreme that he did and I would be very concerned about the safety of all involved...*especially* you.

Perhaps some of our LEO's may have thoughts as well.

[Nina51]

really sorry to hear this. obviously, he either has some serious mental health issues or he is bucking for an academy award. if he is truly suicidal, there are steps you can take to effect an involuntary commitment. perhaps he needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional. if you think this is the case, you need to contact an attorney for guidance.

obviously, too (at least to me), there are a LOT of underlying issues in your marriage that need to be looked at. i would seek some counseling immediately. if he chooses not to go, there is nothing you can do to force the issue but that doesn't mean YOU can't go alone.

there are people who can help you get through this. hopefully, it is a bump in the road. i urge you to contact someone, perhaps start with a domestic abuse hotline. i realize that at this point there has probably not actually BEEN any actual physical abuse but emotionally you are a wreck and they can point you in the proper direction.

best of luck to you. i know it's not easy and it's perhaps one of the hardest things you will ever have to endure.

[Aquaman]

call your local paster/minister

[roons]

~totally innapropriate!
Debi

[Q-ball]

Consider the possibility that he maybe had no intention of suicide but only did it to get some sort of reaction out of you when nothing else had worked. I'm not saying that's the case, just something else to consider.

Regardless whether it was a cry for help or he meant it, the firearms need to be gone taken out of the house. You can find them, just have to look.

I recommend calling someone from his family over...sorta make him feel like it's someone from "his side". His dad, brother or maybe an uncle that's close to him. I know it's not about sides or anything like that, but I can tell you from experience that having someone from your family and none from his family can make him feel ganged up on even if that's not your intent.

I agree with Nina on the counseling too...regardless of whether or not he is willing to go. If he wants to make your marriage work, he'll at least give it the counseling a try.

Good luck.

[dc]

I'm so sorry Jen. I agree with counsiling. For whatever reason he chose to take that gun, he needs to talk to someone. As do you to keep your sanity.

[BrianD]

I would call someone in his family to let them know of his threats, and then I would get out of that house. I would never, ever stay in a house with someone threatening to harm themselves with a gun. A rational person does not make that type of threat.

[roons]

Originally posted by roons
~totally innapropriate!
Debi

[UH_OH_5_OH]

Even if it's lipservice....forgive him for the pics on his phone and go .....NO RUN ! to counseling....you can deal with your feelings of betrayal on the pics in counseling ! Get him out of the house and have someone you trust FIND THAT GUN !!! That is not a rational reaction to a big argument !

[Nykademus]

A nekkid photo to threatening suicide? Pardon me if this sounds a bit abrasive.. but thats childish. He has unresolved feelings for his ex and thats why her photo was on his phone.. they are probably feelings of lust, which is why he is hiding it so well. Thats not the end of the world, but is delicate to deal with. Its obviously gone beyond that issue though.

by the way.. any questions I pose are rhetorical and are meant to provoke thought.. not answers.

Is he the one in the relationship that seems to require "the power" or more attention? He feels that he has overstepped a boundry that you have, you are thinking about things rationally and he is trying to move that focus back onto himself so that things go back to how they were before. He is scared of losing you and looking like the bad guy in the process.

Matters of the heart are the worst, and take the longest to heal, unfortunately, so they make people act different than they normally would.. just be smart, and dont put yourself in danger.

The first thing you should do is to get all of the firearms out of the house if there are any more that you can find. If he brings the pistol out again.. you need to leave, yes leave. Find a reason to leave the room and climb out of a window if you need to. If he really is going to hurt himself, you will not be able to stop it and you should not be a temptation for further violence.

If he has any close friends or close family members.. get them involved ASAP.. peferrably someone that he looks up to.

However things work out for you guys, one expectation that you should set before you consider working things out is professional help.. there is more here than has been shared (which is good, because its public) but what is to stop it from happening in the future if the underlying issues are not resolved? Whats to stop it from going further than it has already if things are not resolved?

Be safe! I hope things work out for the best

[BrianD]

One of the reasons I would not stay in the house.


http://www.jg-tc.com/articles/2006/1...ws/news003.txt

Deaths ruled a murder-suicide

By HERB MEEKER, Staff Writer
hmeeker@jg-tc.com

MATTOON -- A Coles County coroner’s jury Wednesday ruled a husband shot his wife last month with their marriage deteriorating, and then took his own life.

The jurors ruled the Oct. 8 death of Morris “Bud” Thompson of Windsor was a suicide, while the death of his wife, Roberta Ellen Thompson, who was living in a Prairie Avenue town house apartment, was premeditated homicide.

Both were pronounced dead at 8:55 p.m. at 17 Prairie Avenue. The jurors reached their verdict after hearing a detailed presentation on the investigation by Mattoon police detectives David Vanderport and Travis Easton.

Vanderport cited evidence showing Morris Thompson missed when he tried to shoot Mrs. Thompson in the head with a sawed-off shotgun as she lay in bed, leaving a hole in the bed and wall. Mr. Thompson had been engaged in a running dispute with her that weekend, the detective said.


After the gun blast, investigators believe Mrs. Thompson tried to escape through the lower level of the town house apartment through the front door, breaking the trim around the lock, but she could not escape in time. Bud Thompson retrieved the shotgun in the bedroom, which flew out of his hand with the hard recoil, then caught up with his wife, placed one shell in the chamber and pulled the trigger with the barrel against her chest, detectives said.

Then Bud Thompson took out a 10-inch knife and cut himself repeatedly in an apparent suicide attempt. He had a gaping wound in his right hand from recoils of the stockless 12-gauge shotgun that left an edge of the handle razor sharp, Vanderport said.

Vanderport said Thompson was attempting to bleed to death by cutting himself. He had left a note indicating the deaths were part of a mutual suicide pact. Blood evidence and other factors later showed investigators the shootings were a murder and suicide.

Shortly before 9 p.m., one of the couple’s sons came home to eat a meal at his mother’s apartment. That is when Mr. Thompson took the shotgun and shot himself in the abdomen. His body fell atop his wife’s corpse on a couch in the living room.

Easton cited extensive evidence that the marriage was falling apart and Mr. Thompson was refusing to accept it. He had attempted suicide on different occasions. Feeling threatened, Mrs. Thompson had filed for an order of protection, but then asked for it to be rescinded.

But by the weekend of Oct.7-8, she appeared to be committed to a divorce, according to investigators. Mr. Thompson sent text messages to relatives showing he was disturbed by her decision, and he indicated he might commit suicide, and even hinted at taking his wife’s life as well, detectives said.

Also Wednesday, the jurors ruled the Sept. 21 death of Robert Boviall Jr., a 15-year-old from Greenup, was an accidental shooting and avoidable.

Boviall was shot in the face when a handgun handled by a friend discharged accidentally. The shooting occurred in the friend’s house near Greenup. The teenager did not have permission to handle the handgun.

Illinois State Police Zone 7 Investigator Kelly Henby said all evidence and interviews confirmed the story told by the teenager who mishandled the gun. He said there was no evidence indicating Boviall died from a self-inflicted wound.

Boviall was pronounced dead at 6:04 p.m. Sept. 21 in the emergency room of Sarah Bush Lincoln Health Center after an emergency transfer by an ambulance from Greenup. Coles County Coroner Mike Nichols said the victim died instantly when the bullet caused severe brain trauma.

[jenlovesty]

I called an counselor and got an appointment for this morning. Of course what I did not realize is that this was a prelimanray session, and I could not see a real counselor until next week. Wow, the medical systems sucks.

Is there a hotline I can talk too if I need help sooner?

[Muttling]

Psychiatric therapists are in high demand and the fact that you could even get in to see one with a one week notice is pretty good. You might be able to call your insurance provider and get some input as to what professional help is available as well.

Most areas have suicide hotlines and some larger employers offer personal wellness counseling.

[dc]

Originally posted by jenlovesty
I called an counselor and got an appointment for this morning. Of course what I did not realize is that this was a prelimanray session, and I could not see a real counselor until next week. Wow, the medical systems sucks.

Is there a hotline I can talk too if I need help sooner?

I'm sure the counselor can give you all the info you will need. Good luck, I hope it goes well.

[english83]

I would get any children out of the house for a while. If he's willing to scare you with the gun to get you to drop the issue think of what it's doing to children. Get them out for safety and their mental health.

Second, get someone like a mutual friend into the house to find any and all weapons. Including knives. And have them take everything to a safe location at their house, like a safe.

Third, look into a phsycological eval for him. If he wasn't able to give you the space to think and respect you enough to give the chance to put your thoughts in order, there are big issues.

After someone takes all weapons out if the house I would stay at a hotel and with family because you don't feel safe. I would not stay in the same house.

I am so sorry for you. My thoughts are prayers are with you. And I can understand why you posted this. I might do the same thing knowing that I can get 3rd party advice, and options that I may not have thought of. Again, I'm sorry and good luck.

[petoonia]

Sorry to hear things escalated this far... There are definately some major issues here!! Get that gun out of the house!!!!!!! If he as so much mentions it again call the police, call the police, call the police!!!!!!!

[phil5613]

Take a stance now. If he is threatening suicide over a confrontation now it only has two ways to go either he gets help or he accomplishes his task. Suicide isnt a negotiating tool and it isnt a joke. I didnt see why was he threatening to kill himself? Bevause you didnt like the pics? or because he didnt want to delete them? Love hurts but death is final. When I went thru my divorce (which was brutal and messy... Go Figure) everyone was concerned I might lose it and do something drastic. Problem is I am meaner then that I would rather stick around and be a thorn in peoples side then to be buried and forgotten. Get yourself out, get yourself help and most importantly get away from him.

[xxpipedreamxx]

I am in the same exact situation. My husband has tried to kill himself everytime I have tried to leave. I hope you all the best chicadee!

[Aliie]

Originally posted by roons
~totally innapropriate!
Debi

Nobody liked what I had to say the first time and you sure wouldn't like what I have to say about this.


Good Luck!

[spanglish]

Your family Dr. can get him into an inpatient program at a local
hospital but he needs to be willing. It's literally a prescription.

I spent some time voluntarily drying out recently at one of these
(a long weekend) and half the people in there were there to
get "regulated" due to suicidal thoughts/attempts, etc.

Don't be ashamed (or let him) and do nothing. All sorts of
"normal" people go through these types of things. There
is no shame in stumbling and the human brain is a big sponge
full of chemicals that get out of balance sometimes.
Just don't ignore it,, do something NOW.

[Sk8r]

Never mind collecting the gun unless you're sure how many guns there are. Get YOURSELF out of the house, and somewhere else, behind locks, and in front of too many witnesses to contemplate---like maybe a big hotel with a room near the front desk, maybe in another city. It's an unfortunately short step between threatening suicide in a domestic dispute and deciding to make it a dual event. Whatever's going on, he's not rational, and if he takes an unfortunate decision unto himself, that's not your fault. Get out of there and don't tell anyone where you're going, plus warn your own family not to deal with him or answer the door without knowing it's not him. It's one thing to entertain suicidal thoughts---there's medication for that. But when you actually pick up a gun and start scaring people, that's a step farther. Get out of there, and take the credit card.