How to deal with death

PHIN FAN · #1 06/03/2006, 12:46 AM

I recently went through my first loss of life in my aquarium. I had two ich stricken tangs whom I moved to a quarantine tank for rehab. They seemed to be getting better when disaster struck and the pump failed (brand new) while I was at work. Sick and stressed with no oxygen I came home only in time enough to see my fish takes its last two gasps for breath. I had only had these fish for a month or so but I couldnt even believe how attached to these creatures I had become. I felt like I had failed them. I felt like I had played god but was a mere amateur. I've heard that this is the point where many newbs give up on their new found "hobby"...ok "obsession" more like. I still have two healthy fish and a tank load of thousands of other lives to watch over now so I have to carry on. Has anyone else ever experienced a real sense of emotional loss from your fish..or other marine animal dying, or am I just a @*$$& ?

ka34579 · #2 06/03/2006, 04:37 PM

get over it, they're just fish

onereefnotenuf · #3 06/03/2006, 05:00 PM

.

beerguy · #4 06/03/2006, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ka34579
get over it, they're just fish

That kind of commentary is neither welcome nor helpful.

onereefnotenuf · #5 06/03/2006, 05:13 PM

i edited my original post because i re read youre post and i have a question, was the tank only set up for a month or were those two fish a later addition? as far as getting over it, make sure the tank is ich free which if i were you i would wait a couple months to add any new fish. the life cycle of ich is something like 2 months. if the other fish in the tank have it and don't show any outward signs, you won't ever get rid of it unless you quaruntine the other ones and wait to put anything back in that tank until the life cycle is done. also you have a 75. i was wondering what species of tang were the two that died? also what are the other fish left in the tank?
time heals all wounds. once you get the tank cleared up, get some new fish and it will be fine.consider it a learning experience.

loveclowns · #6 06/07/2006, 04:15 PM

I felt similarly after my wife's regal blue tang died of ich. I was away on a church retreat for the weekend, and my wife was home with the tank. She told me Sunday afternoon that her fish had white spots all over it, and when I came home it surely did. Being new, I didn't know what to do and figured that he'd live until Monday but he was dead Monday morning.

Anyway, I felt the guilt, but just accepted the fact that dying fish is a part of the hobby. My LFS told me that he'd cut half off the next tang we buy for the tank, but given their susceptibility to contract ich, I don't know if I will.

bmrigs · #7 06/09/2006, 09:01 PM

Originally posted by ka34579
get over it, they're just fish

LOL.......

Sk8r · #8 06/09/2006, 10:05 PM

You know, the response here just bothers me. Condolences, Phin Fan. It's always upsetting to lose one. We do the best we know. Sometimes it's a mistake we made. Sometimes it's just that circle of life thing, and the fish we try to save has just become lunch for something we don't care for as much---or you bought a fish that wasn't as resistent as his brothers, which, again, is just the way the dice roll. Ask yourself whether it was tank conditions or bad luck, and choose whether to replace that fish with the same species or try a different one.

Hunter21 · #9 06/10/2006, 01:27 AM

I cried over my first fish loss, had a royal gramma for 3 monthes, and up and all the sudden, the little guy died, my mom came in my room and said, your fish is dead, I went into the living room and there he was, dead, I cried for a half hour after flushing him! Haven't had a death since and I'm hoping to keep it that way! sorry to hear the loss Phin Fan!!!

Erin

Reefeross · #10 06/13/2006, 01:26 AM

It upsets me how some people respond to this. Yes, it is a fish, but it is a pet, is one not offended when someone rudely comments "Its just a cat/dog?" I know these are VERY different, but we are talking about something a bit deeper here as well.

For me, and for many hobbyists, a loss seems almost like a threat to our confidence. I mean, I always wondered when I lost a fish, "What did I do wrong? Did I do something stupid? Why can't I do it? Will I ever keep them alive?" Many newcomers get disheartened at this stage and give up for fear of "screwing up" again.

Phin Fan, I applaud you for asking the advice of others and not simply giving up like hundreds of others. I am sorry for your loss. I assure you that what happened here WAS AN ACCIDENT, NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR CARE, DEDICATION, OR KNOW-HOW IN ANY WAY. I hope you do not purchase that model of pump again, and I also hope you can continue with optimism and confidence. -Ross

mandrin13 · #11 06/16/2006, 07:44 PM

I feel terrible right now,because I have a tang that stopped eating.He is my favorite fish,and is way to skinney.I have just figured it out,when I looked at him more closely,and were leaving on a cruise in two days.So I feel terrible.

maddyfish · #12 06/16/2006, 08:16 PM

I feel bad when a fish in my care dies. It is some ways is worse than a dog or cat. Because we provide the fishes entire universe, and we are responsible for even it's most basic requirements, when it dies, it is a failure on our part.
I try to learn from, and not repeat these failures.

ShellBell · #13 06/19/2006, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ka34579
get over it, they're just fish

You shouldn't be in this hobby with that attitude!!!

I just lost my one year old lionfish - I am devastated. I might even have to change my avatar. It hurts - even if they are "just fish"!!!!!

sb1227 · #14 06/20/2006, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Has anyone else ever experienced a real sense of emotional loss from your fish..or other marine animal dying, or am I just a @*$$& ?

I think you might be surprised by just how many people have felt the same way you do. I've found that one of the best ways to help yourself through it is to make yourself a promise to learn from the experience, never forget it happened, do your best to give the animals in your care as good a life as you can. I'm not sure it ever gets any easier to lose an animal you care for, hopefully it never will. That's one of the things that makes a good aquarist.

For those who never do see these animals as anything more than what they cost, or mere "things"... Personally, I have no use for them, but I do feel terribly sorry for the poor animals that end up in their tank.

Chin up...and always learn from your experiences, good or bad. You'll do fine.

Reefy · #15 06/21/2006, 12:35 PM

Most marine fish/coral live long lives in the wild. That's why I get upset when a fish/coral dies in my care. Last year, I lost two prized fish, a yellow tang & a maroon clown, who were both with me for over 6 years. Their losses were upsetting for me after caring for them all those years.

sarai826 · #16 06/28/2006, 09:53 PM

Fish losses are just as valid as any other loss... I work in an LFS, and occasionally still get a little sad when a fish dies. You live and learn, though-- as long as you're not being irresponsible and KILLING fish, it's part of the process.

Marinemom · #17 06/29/2006, 10:23 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Believe me, I know how you feel. A few months back I did something to my tank on the advice of a lfs employee and I lost every fish I had in one night. This included a pair of percula clowns that I had for awhile. I was devastated. Icried all day and although that may seem silly to some to others it is not. All i can tell you is learn from this and don't let it frame the way you think about this hobby.

Also, whereever you go there are some people that are going to be rude. I think the comment about "get over it ther're just fish"was incredibly rude and unfeeling and he/she owes you an apology. Keep your chin up and move on. Things will get better.

Marinemom

spoiledcats · #18 06/29/2006, 11:00 AM

I understand how you feel. I have lost fish in the past, and felt very bad. I have a couple of tangs now for about 6 years, and I don't even want to think about when one of those guys go(hopefully not for a really long time). I get very attached to my fish, and feel we have an awesome responsibility in caring for these creatures. Imagine if your entire world depended on the care and concern of someone else-they don't feed you, you don't eat, they don't clean your living space, you live in filth, etc. Any animal kept in a cage is TOTALLY dependent on their human caretakers, therefore it is a huge responsibility. That being said, sometimes we make mistakes or things happen that we can't control, and a life is lost. It isn't always the fault of the caretaker, and from the sound of your post, you did everything you could. It was just one of those things that sometimes happen in this hobby. Don't let it stop you-you are a caring reefkeeper, and that is good for this hobby.

Ciarán · #19 07/06/2006, 07:05 PM

Quote:

regal blue tang died of ich

*shudder*, exact same happened to me. The problem for me was that i was sold the wrong type of fish when i was a beginner. You don't sell Butterflyfish and Tangs to people with tanks under 75 gallons IMO. Well at the time i didn't know any better, the fish were juveniles and fitted the 1" per 5 gallon "rule" (or rather, extremely rough guide). I soon learned that regal tangs regardless of size are A. Ich magnets and B. require the size tank for a fully grown adult of the species even when they are juveniles. I have lost two fish in all my time as a marine hobbyist. I was devastated, especially when my schooling bannerfish died because of its affinity with the tang. I havent lost anything since thank God. I get upset if i lose a snail so don't feel stupid in the slightest. Just learn from it and try to provide perfect conditions for the beautiful animals in your care, its the least we can do considering we have taken them out of their environment for our own pleasure.

samtheman · #20 07/08/2006, 07:37 AM

Fish sold in this country suffer losses of about 25% from capture to sale. Tank raised fish are culled, sometimes by as much as 50%. So the loss of another fish in your tank isn't all that bad. Most anemones (2 million a year) die within the first year, so we loose a lot of livestock in this hobby.

scubamike · #21 07/10/2006, 12:57 AM

Havent had a loss in a long time now. Learn from your mistakes. My worst loss was finding my 8" red devil stuck in the throat of my red tailed catfish. Both were dead

chocolateblnt · #22 07/10/2006, 01:50 AM

I cried into my tank to help raise salinity

...

... I am kidding please do not send me PM's of the adverse effects of tears in aquaria

falcondob · #23 07/10/2006, 10:01 AM

As keepers of "captive" reef animals, we have a responsibility to provide those creatures the best environment and care possible. The loss of any life is problematic for humans. We understand loss. We feel loss. This is an issue that goes back as far as man has recorded his actions. Native Americans gave tribute to the animals they killed for food. This, and other rites, are steeped in the guilt we feel when have to kill to eat. Feeling loss is human and it is ok.

Having said that, the animals you keep have really won the the "fish" lottery. That is, if you are a responsible caretaker. From your post I must assume that to be true. In reality, those fish would have probably suffered a similar demise in the wild, only at a much earlier age. Growing old is not the rule in nature, it is the exception.

Do your best, accept any losses, and then move on. Nature does.

reiple · #24 07/11/2006, 08:16 AM

What really bugs me a lot is when anyone tells story of how their fish die of Ich, lament over it, feel bad and whatever....

then does nothing to correct the situation is really such BS.

So for those who got their fish killed of Ich....this time around...QUARANTINE. Be fishless for 45 days. Any new additions should be quaratined. Quarantine. Quarantine. QUARANTINE.

stop feeling sorry. you were responsible for that death.

spoiledcats · #25 07/11/2006, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by reiple
What really bugs me a lot is when anyone tells story of how their fish die of Ich, lament over it, feel bad and whatever....

then does nothing to correct the situation is really such BS.

So for those who got their fish killed of Ich....this time around...QUARANTINE. Be fishless for 45 days. Any new additions should be quaratined. Quarantine. Quarantine. QUARANTINE.

stop feeling sorry. you were responsible for that death.

A person could buy a fish that already has ich, but shows no outward signs at the moment of purchase, puts it in quarantine, does the necessary treatments, and it still dies. Saying they are responsible for the death is just cruel and unhelpful in my opinion. Besides, everyone in this hobby has made a mistake or two, and shouldn't be condemned. We learn, and hopefully don't make the same mistake twice.