yesterday my "best friend" finally sent me over the edge

Sierra · #1 04/04/2005, 04:18 PM

its spring - flowers are blooming - breeze is blowing sun is shining - I bought a few new outfits for the wonderful weather. Bright colors - oranges, pinks, yellows, the bright colors look nice on me I think and seems to be a mood booster.

so - I wore one of my new shirts over the my "friends" house yesterday. My Mother in law noticed the shirt and said Wow, what a pretty color it sure looks nice on you.

Friend says "I dont like it at all, its hideous, I would never wear anything like that"

I reply "well I needed a change - I was wearing too many dark colors that were kind of depressing"

she says " well I like the browns and Blacks and other dark colors, I wear them all the time. When You wear that orange color it looks like you are trying to get attention - I think its sort of a trampy color to wear"

I say "I suppose you wouldnt like the new pink one I got either eh?

She rolls her eyes and says "I hate pink"

I had enough - this was the last time I was gonna let her insult me and get away with it so I say "You know what Jannell, I think your clothes are ugly too, I always have, But I love and respect you too much to insult you about it."

I thanked my mother in law for the compliment and let it go.

I cant take much more of this downright meaness from her... oh yah - she likely wouldnt have said what she did, but her boyfriend was present at the time.

bboersma79 · #2 04/04/2005, 04:20 PM

if your friends are bringing you down drop them...they can either realize their foolishness or get over themselves.

mike4271 · #3 04/04/2005, 04:21 PM

So you would have preferred she lie to you, best friends should be able to voice their opinion, but you dont have to agree with it.

Sierra · #4 04/04/2005, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mike4271
So you would have preferred she lie to you, best friends should be able to voice their opinion, but you dont have to agree with it.

you may have missed the original thread a while back about this friend.

She is also my sister in law - so I cant really "drop" her.

secondly - This isnt the first occurrance - she does these things all the time lately - more and more picking on me making jokes about me, even sensitive areas that you just dont make fun of - and doing it in front of people so as to embarrass me. rolling her eyes when ever I open my mouth. Saying downright cruel things about others including her own mother and son.

Things I've said to her in confidense have found their way into the rumor mill - Our relationship has went down the tube since she quit being herself to try and impress her boyfriend.

6 months ago - she was the sweetest kindest most honest person you could ever hope to meet.

Habib · #5 04/04/2005, 04:29 PM

tube

Paint shop Pro?

Sierra · #6 04/04/2005, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Habib
tube

Paint shop Pro?

Yah and there isnt an undo button for this tube!

mike4271 · #7 04/04/2005, 04:33 PM

No disrespect to you Sierra, but if that is the case, you should DEFINATELY not be calling her your best friend. Let her get on with it, it will be her los if you stay away from her, some people are like that, dont give her the pleasure of demeaning you.

Flanders · #8 04/04/2005, 04:49 PM

Does that kind of behavior seem to impress her boyfriend? Maybe he's just as embarassed by it as you are and you could ask him to tell her to shape up?

zenguitar · #9 04/04/2005, 04:52 PM

"Friend says "I dont like it at all, its hideous, I would never wear anything like that"

I reply "well I needed a change - I was wearing too many dark colors that were kind of depressing"

she says " well I like the browns and Blacks and other dark colors, I wear them all the time. When You wear that orange color it looks like you are trying to get attention - I think its sort of a trampy color to wear"

She may be your sister in law but she's not your friend. No real friend would say something like that.

Sierra · #10 04/04/2005, 04:56 PM

I introduced her to her boyfriend - hes a really nice guy but My Relationship with him has always been the sort where we rib on eachother and joke alot. The difference is he knows where to draw the line and never gets to disrespectful.

I hardly think he is impressed... part of the reason he liked/ likes her so much is because she was so kind. I know he has done many things to try and help her voice her opinions more and stand up for herself in difficult situation - (which I have tried to do in the past as well) but she has taken it a bit to far.

Its time for me to move on.... Its really unfortunate because she was really my only "girlfriend" now Its just me and all the guys - and thats fun and all, but I'm a girl and never really completely fit in with the guys.
I just dont feel like I can talk to her about this at this point. Everytime anyone brings up anything she doesnt want to hear at this point she gets horribly angry.

mightymouse · #11 04/04/2005, 04:58 PM

thats realy sad im sorry to hear that sierra its ok you can hang out with your fellow fishgeeks here on RC!!!

Sierra · #12 04/04/2005, 05:04 PM

I love fish geeks - I always wanted to marry one - I didnt tho - Lucky for me he is adapting to his training program quite well!

mightymouse · #13 04/04/2005, 05:07 PM

lol thats always good and yeah thats what my dad refers to me as a fish geek he just doesnt understand all he has is a 10 gal community tank adn when i told him i wanted a 6 gal nano cube too he told me i spend way too much money and time on this stuff

saltycurofaseadog · #14 04/04/2005, 05:24 PM

oooohhh this is gonna be good

bulldog12 · #15 04/04/2005, 07:01 PM

Sounds like a good cat fight in the making. If you guys get in a fight be sure to have a camera handy and recorded for us to see.

But in my opinion it sounds like you friend is a little jealous of something.

Sierra · #16 04/04/2005, 07:29 PM

she is double my size - I dont want to cat fight with her. I want my friendship to be the way it was, but alas - I suppose I will have to move on and hope for the best.

rather difficult tho - we have been best buds for 8 years now. kind of lonely without her, but last few months have been miserable with her.

TheBimbo · #17 04/04/2005, 08:42 PM

Hey Sierra, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't getting any better for you and your " friend "... It's hard when you don't have a girl to hang out with, and seems like when you meet somebody and make friends with them... Bammm they turn into something/somebody that you just can't explain, and or understand anymore!!!

!!! I thought that b/f when you were trying to help this same girl out, ( this is the same girl from b/f right??? I remember this topic... ) seems as though she is still really jealous of you for some odd reason or another... You can only try so much to make a friendship last, sometimes it's better to be alone than to constantly feel degraded and stomped on

... Atleast that's how I feel about things... One of these days, she'll need you and you just may not be there for her, and then and only then will she fully understand just how much she really hurt you!!! I always had more male friends than girly friends, guys just don't seem to be sooo upity (sp.) about things, but sometimes you can't find a guy friend that likes to shop either... Again I'm sorry to hear about this...

TheBimbo

Hey ever hear " The bigger they are, the harder they hit the floor??? "

clavery · #18 04/04/2005, 08:48 PM

sounds to me like she's insecure and is putting you down to make herself feel better. She might also be a bit jealous of you - you're young, pretty and happily married. It stinks that she used to be such a good friend, but it sounds as if she's trying to impress the boyfriend at your expense.

There is honesty and then there is keeping ones mouth shut, and it sounds like she needs to learn which is appropriate when!!!

carpetride · #19 04/04/2005, 09:03 PM

Sounds like she may have something wrong in her life or is around a negative influence. Sometimes people simply forget to see the good in others and the world around them.

emilye2 · #20 04/04/2005, 09:32 PM

Were your kids there at the time? I would have definatly had something to say about talking to you like that in front of your children. At the very least make some comment to your sons like, "See? This is why mommy makes sure you use your manners. Because some grown-up's can't remember how!"

Rueg · #21 04/04/2005, 09:47 PM

It is too bad she has such low self esteem that she has to insult you in front of others. She probably didn't like her mother complimenting you. Could be she felt threatened by you also in front of her boyfriend.

steph30 · #22 04/04/2005, 09:51 PM

Sierra-Good for you for standing up for yourself. I remember your original post on this and commented then as well.

It's hard to let go of a good friend and I completely relate, but like you, I've decided enough is enough. I truly believe the desire to put down another person comes from low self esteem. While I understand it, I'm not willing to let myself be belittled just for the sake of making a "friend" feel better about themselves.

One of two things will happen when you stand your ground. They will either figure out what's wrong (which I truly believe they already know) or they will decide it's not worth it. If the latter is the case, then they were never a "true" friend to begin with.

At 35, I've gotten to the point where I've grown weary of being nice only to be taken advantage of. A true friend will always stand the test of time. Just stand your ground and see what happens. In my case, my friend seems to be drifting off. While it does make me sad to a point, it beats the alternative, which is having them make me feel bad just for the sake of keeping our friendship alive.

Stephanie

VoidRaven · #23 04/05/2005, 06:34 AM

Stand strong Sierra...all will be well in the end.

I "ditched" two of my closest friends shortly after college because of several huge blowouts that occured during my last year of college and after graduation. Seems I had changed and they didn't like it...kept accusing me of hiding something or running away from something. Truth was I had my eyes opened in a BIG way to the realities of the world in college (I led a rather sheltered life through high school) and I really became "myself" in my college years. Heaven forbid that someone change, you know? Anyway, the final straw was when I went out of my way on a vacation one year to meet up with one of them and ended up getting a letter saying that I had used him and his fiancee to "enhance" our trip and treated them like another sight-seeing part of our vacation (go figure...I bought dinner for both of them!!!!!). Needless to say, that was the last straw. I completely removed all trace of him from my life and my memories (pictures, letters, etc). It was just too much. It pained me to do it, since we had been through a lot together, but sometimes that pain is less than "putting up with it" for years.

Anyway, I understand how you can't really "get rid" of her because she is your sister-in-law, so I definitely feel your frustration. Good luck with it...if all else fails, give her another smackdown! At least you'll feel better!

Dolfan0925 · #24 04/05/2005, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sierra
so - I wore one of my new shirts over the my "friends" house yesterday. My Mother in law noticed the shirt and said Wow, what a pretty color it sure looks nice on you.

Friend says "I dont like it at all, its hideous, I would never wear anything like that"

Who needs enemies....

Don't let the fact that she's a relative force you into being her friend. I have lots of relatives that I'm a complete A$$ to because they don't seem to take the hint. Sometimes you're either a jerk or a doormat.

TheBimbo · #25 04/05/2005, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dolfan0925
Who needs enemies....

Don't let the fact that she's a relative force you into being her friend. I have lots of relatives that I'm a complete A$$ to because they don't seem to take the hint. Sometimes you're either a jerk or a doormat.

Well said Dolfan0925!!! Hey Sierra, what's your hubby have to say on this one???

TheBimbo