Has anyone ever been to an "engagement party"?

Foogoo · #1 09/07/2006, 11:12 AM

I understand wedding parties you bring gifts, bachalor(ette) parties you have fun, but what's an engagement party? Am I supposed to bring a gift? Here's the email:

Quote:

I'm sending this out to invite you, plus one guest, to my engagement party. I don't have the full details as of yet, but I do have the Date, Time & Place. Space is limited for this engagement and there will be No Alcoholic Beverages Allowed, more or less just a bunch of friends getting together on a Sunday Afternoon to eat and hangout. I'm not sure on the other details for this is still being put together by someone on the Bride's side.

2fishy · #2 09/07/2006, 11:24 AM

I have never been to one, but the way relationships are going lately, if you are looking for a gift, I would buy an inexpensive one!

How about Socker Boppers!

Wilafur · #3 09/07/2006, 11:24 AM

yep, been to a handful already this year. my understanding is yes, you do bring a gift, albeit a small one.

for example, the last engagement party i went to last month, i purchased a small item off their wedding registry (a bamboo cutting board @$40). they were happy and i was happy.

uscgbeachbum · #4 09/07/2006, 12:00 PM

I've been to a few (my wife and I chose to not have one). I'd go with a "good luck" card and hold off on the gift till the wedding. Who knows, she may be a bridezilla and force him to call it off.

wav3form · #5 09/07/2006, 06:13 PM

I wouldn't bring anything... this gift giving crap for every made up occasion is getting out of control.

fat-tony · #6 09/07/2006, 07:09 PM

I would bring a flask (for yourself). If you know the name, check around some registry's (never know anymore) and see if that's up yet....if not, don't worry about it.

GinaSofia · #7 09/07/2006, 07:14 PM

I think it would be embarrassing to be the only one who showed without a gift.

If you plan on showing up and enjoying the food/drinks/whatever, bring a small gift..even a gift certificate (with a card wishing them a great future) for them to go out to dinner or something.

swegyptian · #8 09/07/2006, 08:10 PM

You could always buy them something that you like too, and leave it in the car. I there are only a few gifts being given, just keep it!

carpetride · #9 09/07/2006, 09:38 PM

Took a bottle of wine to one last fall.

dc · #10 09/07/2006, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wav3form
I wouldn't bring anything... this gift giving crap for every made up occasion is getting out of control.

did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Every post I see is negative.

Buckeye ME · #11 09/08/2006, 12:03 AM

I've never been to one, but I have one coming up in November...for me.

I have no idea if you are supposed to bring gifts, but no alcohol allowed!? What's up with that?

Sk8r · #12 09/08/2006, 12:23 AM

That doesn't sound like a fun party---they invite you by email [Miss Manners is appalled!] you're supposed to bring them something and they won't serve you drinks and clearly don't approve if you have one. And no, I've been in the south and north and east coast and had friends and relations getting married for the better part of half a century and never heard of an "engagement party." Sounds like the prime aim is gifts. If friends of mine are getting married, they MIGHT ask everybody to meet in the bar to tell them the news and just generally celebrate, and I've had that happen---a good time being had by all, with no gifts, just good wishes.

2fishy · #13 09/08/2006, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dc
did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Every post I see is negative.

Go get 'em!

2fishy · #14 09/08/2006, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sk8r
That doesn't sound like a fun party---they invite you by email [Miss Manners is appalled!] you're supposed to bring them something and they won't serve you drinks and clearly don't approve if you have one. And no, I've been in the south and north and east coast and had friends and relations getting married for the better part of half a century and never heard of an "engagement party." Sounds like the prime aim is gifts. If friends of mine are getting married, they MIGHT ask everybody to meet in the bar to tell them the news and just generally celebrate, and I've had that happen---a good time being had by all, with no gifts, just good wishes.

Whew! I thought I was the only one that had never heard of an engagement party! I was starting to think I really was a hick!

Fred_J · #15 09/08/2006, 12:51 AM

I've been to engagement parties like Sk8r is talking about, where the only gift expected is the couple drink free. I always thought no matter how many parties you went to only 1 gift was expected (unless a baby shower is thrown in there).

2fishy · #16 09/08/2006, 12:53 AM

We drink for any reason here! But don't do it in Illinois 'cuz you might make it on the "lounge" the next morning!

MarksReef · #17 09/08/2006, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wav3form
I wouldn't bring anything... this gift giving crap for every made up occasion is getting out of control.

I agree.

Quote:

Originally posted by fat-tony
I would bring a flask (for yourself).

Nina51 · #18 09/08/2006, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wilafur
yep, been to a handful already this year. my understanding is yes, you do bring a gift, albeit a small one.

for example, the last engagement party i went to last month, i purchased a small item off their wedding registry (a bamboo cutting board @$40). they were happy and i was happy.

whew! you consider $40 a small item?? yikes!

dc · #19 09/08/2006, 10:05 AM

Some people actually don't drink, I know it's amazing.

MarksReef · #20 09/08/2006, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dc
Some people actually don't drink, I know it's amazing.

Wilafur · #21 09/08/2006, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dc
Some people actually don't drink, I know it's amazing.

what has this world come to?!?!

actually, my cousin got married 2 months ago and his wedding was dry.

however, since they had the reception at the hyatt, my other cousin, BIL and i skipped the hors d'oeuvre session and went straight to the hotel bar. muahaha!

kevy_kev1 · #22 09/08/2006, 01:00 PM

we had an engagement party. It was so familes and bridal party could meet and everybody could hang out and get full and drunk. We didnt want gifts but ended up getting a few.

It was a good time and then when the wedding came around everybody knew everybody and caught up right where they left off.

I agree that if your going to someones party and eating/drinking something they provided, then you bring a gift, no matter what the occassion.

zenguitar · #23 09/08/2006, 01:15 PM

At my wedding reception there was no alcohol, but I have been to some of my friends who did and boy, I sure as heck should have too.

I didn't get any engagement party!!!!

So does this mean you also bring a gift for the bachelor and bachelorette parties?

Pretty soon you'll have to get the taxi driver a gift!

AAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

It's out of hand I tell you!!! I'm living at the mission because I'm broke from all the tips and gifts I have get for other people.

rae820 · #24 09/08/2006, 01:31 PM

something I found online - the answer is in there somewhere!

Engagement Party Etiquette

Question:
When is the proper time to have an Engagement Party? What is the etiquette on Engagement Parties, do you give gifts?If so, what types of gifts? Should you send a gift if you are not attending?

Answer:
There are two essentials to the proper timing of an engagement party - FIRST - you need to get engaged and - SECOND - both the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be must be present at the event. This may sound pretty dumb (yup, yup, yup) but quite often when a couple gets engaged the fiancé must leave town or the country for a while (or longer).

Engagement parties are NOT held without both members of the engagement being present!!! Once you have the two "basics" out of the way an engagement party really has no "timing" - other than "sooner than later." One of the reasons is that many engagement parties are actually "surprise parties for the couples friends and family" and though it is pretty tough making it a real surprise party, odds are there will be enough friends invited to have at least a partial surprise.

The bride's parents often host this party (surprise of not) and gifts are NOT given at an engagement party. This doesn't mean gifts aren't given - they just aren't given at the party; here's why - tradition has it that engagement gifts usually go to the bride only and are usually only given by family members and very, very close personal friends - these gifts are often mailed to the house or brought along on a personal one-on-one visit. With this gift-giving protocol in mind, if the very, very close friends and family came to an engagement party with gifts in hand it could or would make the other guests uneasy - ergo - NO GIFTS at an engagement party. Do YOU give a gift - figure that even a number of probable bridesmaids wouldn't be expected to give a gift - then - your relationship with the bride-to-be really needs to be very personal and very intimate - otherwise - forget it.

kevy_kev1 · #25 09/08/2006, 01:49 PM

well when you go to a bachelor and/or bachelorette party do you buy the person a drink, dinner, entertainment, etc? All of which are gifts.

If somebody invites you over for a dinner dont you offer to bring an app or dessert or a bottle of wine?

Dont you give a taxi driver a tip?