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Homer Simpson Quotations
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not
whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal. Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being naive? Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive? Marge: That's because you were drunk! Homer: And how! Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building...thingie... where our beds and TV... is. Operator! Give me the number for 911! Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss? Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here? Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge. Homer: Ummm... revenge? Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step...slam) Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer. Homer's Brain: It's a deal! Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner! Marge: How were you a political prisoner? Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture? Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer) Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse. Homer: Ooo, that's bad. Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yoghurt! Homer: That's good! Old man: The frozen yoghurt is also cursed. Homer: That's bad. Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings! Homer: That's good! Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate... Homer: (confused look) Old man: That's bad. Homer: Can I go now? Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology. Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated. Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology. Homer: Okay, I will! Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy. Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"? Homer: No! I swear on this bible! Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples. Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy. Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad! Homer: Did you wreck the car? Bart: No. Homer: Did you raise the dead? Lisa: Yes. Homer: But the car's okay? Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh. Homer: All right then. Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat... (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch). What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. |
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homer: no beer no tv make homer go something something
marge: go crazy? homer: dont mind if i do lol i like this one .
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Dennis protector and keeper of the wonder dog Oreo be strong and heal fast |
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"Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever ... thy will be done." (munch munch munch)
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"In all seriousness the SEC is the strongest conference" GrimReefer |
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Apu: Tonight I'm going to party like its on sale for $19.99!
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Homer: Donuts...Is there anything they cant do?
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Favorite Simpson's Quote
Montgomery Burns: "If you don't come to work Friday don't bother coming in on Monday." Homer: "WooHoo! Four day weekend!" |
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*DOH!!*
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You want fries with that fish??! |
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“It [YVAN EHT NIOJ] doesn't mean anything! It's like 'ramalamadingdong' or 'give peace a chance'!�
“Apu I need a keg and a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg.� Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him
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-Rich |
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Re: Homer Simpson Quotations
Quote:
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“I take a whiskey drink! I take a chocolate drink! And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!!�
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
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"Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely" - Lord Acton |
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Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo? Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream? Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers... |
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On a sighn outside of lard lads donuts:
Come for the lard,stay for the sugar!
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Showers are for dirty people!!! If you only have one hand will second hand smoking affect you? |
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You gotta feed a dog like that every day.
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Mike Reefcentral Folding@Home team 37251 - Click my little red house to learn more and help medical science! |
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"Ahh...God. My favorite fictional character."
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If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. |
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