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#227
12/07/2007, 10:35 AM
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#228
12/07/2007, 12:14 PM
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i look damn good in it too, i'll have you know- Nina... Look at all those forced smiles. They probably all hate each other!- Debi... She can kick all their butts and can write her name in the snow in cursive!- CRP... so...what are you wearing...? panties...? lace panties...? that's what I'm wearing - ScubaDave and the telemarketer... Life can be short, just like me... Live it to the fullest!!! Family is always there for you NO matter what, just like a "true friend" would be... A cheat is a cheat, and are always busted... |
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#230
12/07/2007, 01:37 PM
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how sweet
thanks
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as scary as it may be, bart and i are very similar in our opinions of this topic ~jpfelix HEY! I lost it first ~CRP There is no "Brain" in "Brian." ~Beerguy |
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#231
12/08/2007, 07:02 AM
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 i swear, every once in a while i get a whiff of stetson cologne, gary's favorite. i will be sitting here on my computer or i'll be on the couch watching t.v. or standing at the front window watching the mini boys play and i will suddenly smell it. the only time i *should* smell stetson is when i go to bed because i sprayed gary's pillowcase with it. when i am not in bed and i get a whiff, i think he must be standing there behind me and a couple of times, i have whirled around looking for him.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#232
12/08/2007, 09:00 AM
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So take a big sniff and smile - they're still with us!  (maybe Gary's nibbling on some of her christmas spice cookies as I type this!)
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If the shoe fits, buy another pair!!! |
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#233
12/08/2007, 09:15 AM
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Take comfort wherever you can, Nina.
I still have a couple of shirts of my Mom's ...nothing fancy dressy or nice .... old Levi's shirts that she wore everyday on the ranch that are soft and worn and I remember her wearing. Days when I need an extra hug or some strength, I'll wear one of those shirts just for the comfort of feeling something connected to her all around me. Gary wants you to be happy and he will be happiest watching you go about your day doing the things that bring you happiness. How lucky you are to be an "animal person". Nothing like good dog snuggles on a bad day to make a person feel better. Hang in there! Cathy |
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#234
12/08/2007, 09:26 AM
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i know it would make gary happy to see me go about my daily chores without bursting into tears but he's gonna have to bear with me because i'm not doing well at all. just when i think i am, a wave washes over me. it seems to come out of nowhere.
last night i was answering e-mails and looked at my computer clock the very instant it changed from 7:49 p.m. to 7:50 p.m., the time of gary's death one week ago. i was hoping that seeing reminders of him everywhere i look would be comforting to me and every once in a while, it is, but ever since he died, all it usually does is make me so sad. i wish i could go to sleep and wake up a year from now when this isn't quite so fresh. 
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#235
12/08/2007, 09:42 AM
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I wish I knew an easy way to get through it to share and make you feel better.
People gave me all kinds of stuff to read on "grief management" ... ACK .... how can anyone tell you a "right" or a "wrong" way to grieve? We all just have to find a way through on our own terms. If you still need to cry it out ... go for it and do as long as you feel the need. It does seem as though the strong ones, like you, who can face the grief head on may have a harder time in the short run but do better at finding peace in the long run. Those of us who squish it back inside find it popping up for a long time. It will become more tolerable Nina. Here's sending a prayer for your peace and strength ...... Cathy |
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#236
12/08/2007, 09:47 AM
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Let go of painful things as soon as possible. What was the hour you and Gary met? How soon did you know it was forever? Which of you knew first, or did one of you take persuading? What did the place look like then, and what did you build or change?
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Sk8r "Make haste slowly." ---Augustus. "If anything CAN go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible moment."---St. Murphy. |
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#237
12/08/2007, 10:04 AM
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me: i love you gary: i love you most me: i loved you first gary: *wink* if you mean our place, it was bare sand. five acres of bare sand. we have planted trees, plopped a house down, built fence, barn, outbuildings, flower beds, campfire ring, patio, decks, the list goes on and on. that is why i have so many reminders of gary. everywhere i look, reminders. sometimes i smile, many times i cry. i hope some day the smiles will be many and the crying will be less. i am just so damn lonesome without him here. i talked to nana this morning and i told her i wanted him back and she said no, i didn't want him back and i should remember how he was for the past 21 months. i wanted him to NEVER be sick but God had other plans. a couple of years ago, just prior to gary's diagnosis, we looked around here and told ourselves there isn't much else we can do or add. i guess God needed a builder more than i did.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#238
12/08/2007, 10:23 AM
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I've seen the photos of your place. From bare sand to that is amazing. Your place is beautiful. And I'll bet Gary will nudge you with an idea or two.
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Sk8r "Make haste slowly." ---Augustus. "If anything CAN go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible moment."---St. Murphy. |
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#239
12/08/2007, 10:25 AM
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Hi Nina,
You don't know me, but I feel compelled to post here, I've been aware of your situation, and been touched. I am so very sorry for your loss. The loungers here have given me a whole new reason to be proud of RC, and the community that it really is. If love could actually be harnessed, it's been done in this thread. I honestly don't do a lot of praying, but I'll pray that you are able to get quickly through this painful time, and on to a time where the memories make you smile, rather than cry. Best wishes, and sincerest condolences, Larry
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LARRY "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Albert Einstein I'm pretty sure it's Mike's fault..... |
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#240
12/08/2007, 10:29 AM
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I agree with Cathy. Strong people like you are the ones who come out of situations like this even stronger. There really is no timeline to this, it's just going to happen as it does. Gary would tell you to take it as it comes, and he's right. No matter how long it takes to get there, you will make Gary proud by standing tall and carrying on. All my best, Nina, today and always.
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"I wanna know what I've been hiding, in my shadow"-m.j.k. "well here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why." |
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#241
12/08/2007, 10:55 AM
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i know sk8r. next summer i'm sure gary will come to me with all kinds of ideas. he will help me pick out a spot for the loungers' memorial tree. i've been looking for just the right place but i'll wait till he tells me.
larry, how sweet of you to post here. i, too, continue to be amazed at the outpouring of love here. maybe that's the wrong way to put it...i'm not amazed at all that the loungers have been with me every step of the way, i always knew they would be. it took me a while after gary's diagnosis to even mention his illness here but i am so glad i did because the love of the lounge has seen me through some very, very tough times, this being one of them. yeah dwd, i keep remembering one of gary's favorite sayings...take it as it comes. another one was "it is what it is". today, i threw away all of the flowers i brought home from the funeral. many of them were still very pretty but i could not look at them without breaking down. i have gathered up all of the wonderful cards along with copies of gary's obituary and the funeral program and the "husband" ribbon from my flowers and all of the memory book entries i printed out and i am cleaning off a bookshelf where i can put everything and keep it all together so i can take it out and look at it occasionally. if i get much more, i'm gonna have to build a room on to store it all. i've been thinking about watching the dvd again but i'm not sure i'm ready for that. *sigh*
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#242
12/08/2007, 11:14 AM
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Nina, I like Larry don't know you but have been following your thread for quite some time and have not posted until now. DgenR8's post really touched me to finally speak up today. What a strong lady you are!! You've touched me in sooooo many ways. You've made me laugh,(especially the chicken story!!) you've made me cry, you've made me feel greatful and thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life. Gary is smiling down on you for all the lives you have touched. Through your posts you've managed to make a lot of people see just how precious life is and how every day is a gift. Be strong and know that every day will be less of a struggle and someday like a lot of others have said before me, you'll be able to smile again when you think of Gary. Thank you for sharing your life with us loungers/lurkers. Now go hug Tuffy, the lollipop kids and all the other critters and tell them its from Gary and the loungers  Stay strong Donielle
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Blame no one, expect nothing, do something. |
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#243
12/08/2007, 12:08 PM
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i can honestly say i have no regrets. gary and i never argued. in 11 years, we never spoke a cross word to each other. i have no bad memories of cold shoulders or sleeping back to back because of anger. for that, i am so thankful. i have nothing, NOTHING but the best memories of him and our life together. if i have a regret, it is only that i couldn't have had him for another 100 years. tuffy stinks. we're having freezing rain, sleet, drizzle, just plain ole nasty weather. i'll settle for cuddling with the lollipop kids for now. wet horse is almost as bad as wet dog. bleh! we will likely lose power today or tonight with the ice falling from the sky so if you don't see me, don't worry.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#244
12/08/2007, 12:16 PM
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No regrets is a blessing in itself to be thankful for.
I'd pass on the wet horse smell, too. Yech! Good luck with the ice/power ... that's no fun. We've got a wierd day here where it looks cold but it's not. I'm thinking it's a sign that I've got one more weekend chance to get bulbs planted. |
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#245
12/08/2007, 12:21 PM
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yep, i still count my blessings every day.
i'm trying to talk my son into staying home today. he lives an hour away and is bound and determined he's coming to see me this afternoon. the roads can't be good, it's icing up here in a big way. i wonder where he got his stubborn streak!?! i have every conceivable container filled with water and i've filled one bathtub and my washing machine. when we lose power, we lose water. something gary always intended to do was figure out some sort of back-up water supply but he never got around to that. however, he DID show me how to flush the toilet with a bucket of water, bless his heart.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#246
12/08/2007, 12:30 PM
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Jesse I want to be a bear turd when I grow up. ~ Bart All butts must be sniffed for identification purposes. ~ Mutt Tequila makes my clothes fall off ~ crp |
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#247
12/08/2007, 12:32 PM
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 We had the same thing back in AZ on the ranch because we were on a well not city water. When the power went out, we all were drilled to jump into action and start filling every water container we could before the pressure was gone in the pipes. Definitely nice to have enough to spare for the toilets. Hah. |
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#248
12/08/2007, 01:30 PM
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a valuable skill that he had to show me occasionally just to refresh my memory.
i think i talked john into staying home today. it's sleeting again and everything is coated in a layer of ice. looks like it could get downright ugly. i'll be reading and/or crocheting by flashlight by tonight. i thought i had burned every piece of paper and flushed every pill that reminded me of gary's disease but i came across more stuff today while cleaning out a closet. it's gone, burned. but i came across some other stuff. gary used to leave me little notes and little cards all the time. i have every single one of them, even the little scraps of paper or little post-it notes he wrote on. i started to read them but it was just too painful. tucked among them was an e-mail he sent to me at work on our 9th anniversary. it said "happy 9th anniversary babe! let's try for 100!" OH GOD!!!
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most. |
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#250
12/08/2007, 01:59 PM
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This thread was automatically split due to performance issues. You can find the rest of the thread here: http://archive.reefcentral.com/forum...readid=1267155
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