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#26
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Man.
The depression just kicked in. I really loved this girl, I wanted to marry her and I thought the same of her. Honestly what we had was better than most relationships. We would actually talk every hour to just check in on each other - thats how much I cared about her and she me, well at one time at least. We did EVERYTHING together. If she was sick and needed to go to the doctor, I always was there. When her parents kicked her out, I gave her a place to stay. I really don't feel like putting any time into another relationship to get hurt like this. |
#27
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This is quite the turn in about 4 hours , don't expect it to be easy.
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Less technology , more biology . |
#28
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"I wanna know what I've been hiding, in my shadow"-m.j.k. "well here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why." |
#29
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True dat, Agu, true dat.
dwd, ain't love grand?
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Jim "If anyone offers you pigeon milk, say no thanks." - Fat Man. |
#30
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Understood. It just makes you question everything you thought was true and it hurts really, really bad. Reality check: you offered her what any sensible person has to value and honor and treat with respect even if it turns out not to be mutual. She has behaved badly. You have not. In the way of things, Misled, I think it was, said it right: you don't really have to look for Ms. Right. Someday you'll see the right smile, hear the right laugh, and the whole world will just light up again---this time for a young woman with her head on straight.
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Sk8r "Make haste slowly." ---Augustus. "If anything CAN go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible moment."---St. Murphy. |
#31
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Jim "If anyone offers you pigeon milk, say no thanks." - Fat Man. |
#32
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You're young, trust me the pain will go away. It sounds like you wanted more than she did. If that changes, let her make that choice. Don't forget, the anger comes next. When she comes to pic up her things, be nice. It is not easy, but you'll feel better about yourself afterwards.
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Jesse I want to be a bear turd when I grow up. ~ Bart All butts must be sniffed for identification purposes. ~ Mutt Tequila makes my clothes fall off ~ crp |
#33
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"I wanna know what I've been hiding, in my shadow"-m.j.k. "well here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why." |
#34
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nitrates 0 nitrites 0 ammonia 0 ph 8.2 salinity 1.026 temp 78.5 also: 20g qt tank all parms are same as above except: salinity 1.009 with emperor 250 filter , heater and airstone. |
#35
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She had found a freedom that she has never experienced before and hopefully she will make good choices instead of ones that she will later regret. However, the choices she has made and are currently making are her own decisions. Don't let her string you along until she finds something better. You have to make her responsible for her actions and let her know that her previous choices are unacceptable to you and that they hurt you. If you don't have trust in a relationship then you have absolutely nothing. And if you continue with an untrustworthy relationship then you will be in for much drama and heartache. Sometimes you just have to walk away so that you can preserve your sanity!!!!!!
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Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, where ever found, against the wrong. |
#36
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Originally posted by Misled Don't forget, the anger comes next. When she comes to pic up her things, be nice. It is not easy, but you'll feel better about yourself afterwards. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "that's good advice that is going to be really hard to take, but do try." I'm going to reinforce this. Be the best person you can be because she may be the angry one. Take the high road no matter how the situation developes.
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Less technology , more biology . |
#37
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Allen joeychitwood- "I'd rather wear Brian's used underwear over my nose." PoukieBear: "And I have extra batteries! " |
#38
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I am crying right now.
She got drunk 2 weeks ago with her 2 roommates and a guy came over later and raped her. This is why she has been avoiding me and made an appointment with a psychologist. I think I'll be scarred for life after everything that's happened. ... i'm just at a loss of words. how could someone do that to the person i care about and cause me to most likely lose her forever? she says she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in a relationship ever again. her car accident was intentional. she keeps talking about suicide with me on the phone. |
#39
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so sorry. wish the best to both of you.
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Leilani Munter | Driver of the #57 Indy Pro Series SMART Papers Dallara Running for 2008 Indy Pro Series Rookie of the Year Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars... |
#40
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forget her man. Your first mistake was taking her back. Once cheating has entered a relationship, it can never be the same. I dont care what anyone says. Look at what you wrote. You are concerned with her whereabouts, who she is hanging out with. Even if she is no longer cheating, who wants to be shackled with the burden of doubt.
You are in college bro. Go to the bar or club with some buddies. I promise you that you'll find some other sweet girl. Let her lick your wounds. I was in a 2 year relationship when I was in college that was clouded with some similar issues. It was tough to break it off, but once I did my life really took off. And hey, a few months later I met my wife. Just remember that there are a billion girls out there and one of them is going to be exactly what you are looking for and vice versa. ![]()
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My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?' |
#41
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Didn't read everyone's posts but did read your original post. Very simple. Ask yourself..."Is this the way I want to live the rest of my life?"
There are brighter days ahead. |
#42
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![]() great advice!
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as scary as it may be, bart and i are very similar in our opinions of this topic ~jpfelix HEY! I lost it first ~CRP There is no "Brain" in "Brian." ~Beerguy |
#43
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#44
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Listen to Joey.
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Always strive for the optimum environment, not the minimum environment. Some days you're the dog, other days you're the hydrant |
#45
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I have also seen this scenario play out before, and yep, it may be, at the heart of it, a true story. But the alcohol was way before the need for a psych. She opted out of control of her life, and is having a hard time accepting that the 'freedom' she wanted doesn't exist without unacceptable problems, and she may be having a hard time coping without the alcohol, which leads to more 'freedom' decisions, none of which are heading in a good direction. I'd say at this point she comes home, gives up the friends and the lifestyle, gets tested, gets treated, accepts what happened in a common-sense way and makes up her mind to get her hands back on the steering wheel of her life. Otherwise it's not going to be good, and I'm sorry.
You notice I didn't use the word 'you' anywhere in the above picture: you can't do it for her. You can't do anything except maybe find out the name of the psych she's going to and call the guy and tell him you're getting suicidal phone calls...which have to be taken seriously. She needs treatment, and she needs to get out of that environment asap, since she's not coping with it...but you can't do that part, either. She has to. If lying is not part of her habitual pattern, the story may be true---but it may not be all of it. Get her to the psych. That is the only constructive thing you can do at this point---and if she gets it all together, IF she gets it together, then the rape is something that happened, not who she is. If she can't get her head straight, then there's no way you can fix things. A psych is the best news in this whole sad story, and I hope she's got a good one, and I hope she's going to get away from the alcohol and the roomies---who apparently were no use at all, and possibly part of the problem.
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Sk8r "Make haste slowly." ---Augustus. "If anything CAN go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible moment."---St. Murphy. |
#46
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She was raped?
Hmph. If it's a true story, then why didn't she tell you in the first place? My boyfriend would be the first person I'd tell, if something that horrible happened to me. He would be the one and only person that would be able to comfort me, and to walk me through the steps of dealing with it. If it's not true, then it's going to be one lie after another... And the lies will only get bigger and better, just to top the last one. I'd still break up with her, but let her know that you're still there for her if she needs help. Knowing that you're not completely walking out on her will keep her mind a little more stable. After my boyfriend and I broke up, he was always still there for me. I travelled 6 hours to be with my bestfriend to help me through the hard times....and who drove me to the train station? My ex. Who picked me up? My ex. Who looked after everything while I was gone? My ex. Even though we weren't Together anymore, he was still dependable.
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Michelle I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not wounded or sick - DEAD ! |
#47
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Same with the suicidal thoughts. Maybe they're true, maybe not. This is something you don't want to question the validity of with her, however, because if she has a personality disorder, sahe might make a try at suicide just to prove you wrong and punish you. As Sk8r said, this is not something you can in any way fix. By trying, you are only enabling the behvaior and even encouraging it (ie, not fixng it at all!). Get out of the relationship. Try to get her to a competent mental health professional, but don't bargain (ie, no "I'll stay with you if you get help"). Get out first and encourage her to get help, but it has to be her choice, and you can't make it for her. Don't try to. Kevin
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NCAA Division 1 Championship Leaders: UCLA: 100 Stanford: 94 Southern California: 84 Oklahoma State: 48 Arkansas: 43 LSU: 40 Go PAC 10! |
#48
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I'm a bit surprised to find myself doubting that she was raped. That's not to say that I'm convinced she is lying, but something about that strikes me as off. Did she go to the hospital? The police?
Either way, this girl is in need of professional help. The only thing that anybody can do at this point is to try and help her see that, and support her decision to seek it as soon as possible. Like Sk8r said, the presence of a psych is the best news in the whole story. I know you still love her, and you may want to be the one to help her but the best way to do that now is to recognize that you are not equipped to handle the situation. That says nothing to detract from your intention or intelligence. Simply put, she needs someone who is trained to deal with this type of thing. You are faced with a tough situation. A romantic relationship is not something she needs right now, and you don't need to get drowned trying to save her. Let her know that you still love her, and that's why you can't let it go on like this. Encourage her to keep her appointment with the psych, and to continue down that road until she can see this as something that just happened (sk8r again ![]() You're not responsible for fixing this girl. You need to take care of you.
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"I wanna know what I've been hiding, in my shadow"-m.j.k. "well here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why." |
#49
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Hey I know where your coming from, i've been there. There iss greener pastures on the other side. Your being played and think about it. While your worried and mad and at home she is out on a date having fun maybe with another guy. She is putting a front up for you. I thought I had the girl for me and she cheated and never called, lied to me, this went on for a long time. I'd say our relationship was 6 yrs. oouch then to find out she just wanted to be taken care of. I'm talking pay my bills and I don't want to work. yeah right. Broke it off and it was hard the first 6 month but two years later I have meet and fallen for everything I could want in a girl. you name it it's there for me. It was hard but I am glad those turns of events took place because the right one finally came along. You have to be the one to break it off not her, don't let her do it that will just give her the upper hand. Tell her your done (if you go that route) be strong, then go your way. Do it with a smile on your face. It will tear her up inside because right now she knows she can do what ever she wants and your dumb *** will take her back everytime (no offense), plus you don't want to be that guy. She stated she wants to know if your the one (thats code for I'm done with you and want to move on) I know I used that same line on her.
Best of Luck |
#50
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I have to wonder if there are chemicals involved in this change in personality.
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Always strive for the optimum environment, not the minimum environment. Some days you're the dog, other days you're the hydrant |
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