Fathers - How protective should you be?

[GoLowDrew]

Quick story - My 18 months son playing at the kid's area in the mall.
One bad kid pull his hair, drag, and stratched my son's arm pretty deep in the arm (did not know that until later). Bad kid would not stop until someone stop him. My son cried. Got son cleaned him up. He stop and forgeten all about it in 3 mins.

30 secs later. Same bad kid goes over to another kid, pull and drag him off a kid's platform. The other kid cried. His dad and mon rushed over. His dad was super ****ed. Ready to pound someone. His wife calmed him down "let it go."

We noticed the bad kid was alone with his brother while his mom went shopping.

I didn't see it. All I saw was my son crying. I figure it's ok "just kids playing. It happens." That was until I saw the scratch. But still.... My wife was in tears to see our son "hurt."

Questions for Fathers:

- Was I too passive? Should I have been as upset as the other father?

- Some parents don't give a ##%#^, and you can't even talk to them. So it is worth starting something if they give you $&^#*?

I felt a bit guilty. But I think I'm right.

Everyone was 1-3 years old. I'm not sure how I would feel if they are 8-10 years old.

[topjimmy]

We noticed the bad kid was alone with his brother while his mom went shopping.

You mean she left a 1-3 year old alone and went shopping? I would have stayed, chewed her out a new one, with any luck she would have broke down in tears...that would have at least made me feel better.

Later
JimC

[hogpark7430]

How old was the brother?

[Fat Man]

I would have said something to the parent of the other child if around? Another question is how old was the kids brother? If not of a sufficient age then I would have reported the children as abandoned to the mall staff.

[GoLowDrew]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587475#post7587475 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by hogpark7430
How old was the brother?

Honestly. No more than 5-6 years old. Really....

All the kids involved are 1-3 years old.

[GoLowDrew]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587480#post7587480 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Fat Man
I would have reported the children as abandoned to the mall staff.

Didn't think about that at the time.

[Minuteman]

Yep, I'd have gotten mall security to contact CPS and had the parent hauled off.

[oz]

I know how you feel, I've been in similar situations. I think its best to just stop the fighting, ask what happened and if necessary tell the other kids parents what had happened. Hopefully they'll do the right thing.

BTW, I've since started to teach my 6 yr old kid how to protect himself. I'm teaching him Muay Thai. I stress to him that this is for self defense only and as a last resort kind of thing and never for it to be used in school. I can't help but worry though that he could really hurt someone with what I'm teaching him.

[Stephany]

I'm not a father, but I have a protective one.

My parents used to live in a crummy apartment complex when waiting to close on a house.
There was a trashy little 5 year old that lived in the neighborhood always making trouble.
My sister got hit in the back of the head with an ice ball, it knocked her glasses off and she ran home crying.
My father knocked onto the guy's door, and said "Keep your son away from our daughter." and the guy wanted to fight.

My dad came home so proud because he didn't get in a fight... 5 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. My dad opened the door to the other guy swinging at him.
Somehow they tumbled, fighting, up the stairs and out into the courtyard. My father is beating the crap out of this guy and my mom is yelling "John, Stop!!!"
Then the other trashy woman comes running out and starts cheering on her husband to "Kill him!!"
........... 2 totally different cheering parties and parenting huh?

My dad has relaxed as we've grown older... not that he wouldn't stick up for me if I really needed him, but you'll notice at a certain age that kids will be able to stand up for themselves.

At 1-3, they can't really do that. So keeping them away from other rabid unbehaving children or inept parents is probably the best thing you can do.

[GoLowDrew]

Oh and how did we know the mom was shopping? We asked the older brother.

BTW. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now. And actually feel bad for the other kids who mom would leave them alone. I didn't even think about that at the time.

[dragonladylea]

Unfortunately some "parents" dont deserve to have children, calling Security may or may not have helped, I found that in this type of situation its best to call the police. Sounds harsh but here what happened to me. Went to a clothing store, got out of the car and noticed that the car next to me had the back door cracked about 2 inches. I was thinking that the person must have just forgot to close the door and was going to shut it when I noticed the infant in the car seat. The baby was dressed in a diaper and t-shirt, no blanket and its December in Michigan!!! Freezing cold and the car isnt running, no parent anywhere. I go into the store and get Security, show them the problem and this is were it really makes me angry. Securuty goes looking for the mother which takes approx 1/2 (the baby is still in the car) and when he finds her the statement she makes is "Please dont call the police Social Services is already out to get me!!" Guess what the Security guard lets her go!!!! Still makes me mad to this day and I will always wonder if that child is still alive. Next time I see something like that I call the police.

[coralcat]

Some parents don't give a ##%#^, and you can't even talk to them. So it is worth starting something if they give you $&^#*?

You where wrong. Unsuporvised kid running wild. Hurting others. and your son hurt. YOU have an obligation, as a parent, to protect your child, at all costs, and to protect the others from harm. older brother playing to, 5 or 6? so what. The point being, there parents where not there. that puts you, and that other dad incharge, yes security should have been brought in, but the child needed to be removed from the others, then, right then. YOUR JOB is YOUR CHILDS PROTECTION PERIOD If you ever want that coffie cup that says #1 DAD, then get on the stick. THIS IS MY OPINION AS A GRANDFATHER

[emilye2]

well here's what happened to us this weekend. Hotter than hadies here on Saturday. Took them to a local fountain where kids can run and play in the water. We have two little girls 4 and 5. A boy and his sister were there running around the boy was a bit older 7 or 8 and girl was 5 or 6. Boy idiot decides kicking water at his sister is a fun thing to do. My youngest decides to imitate him and get chewed out in earshot of the boy about how that's rude and she could spray water in the faces of the other younger kids there. These other kids were running around and generally being unsafe. While mom was oblivious. Next thing we know idiot boy just about plows into our youngest while running around. My husband was up off the bench with a bellow that would send wild dogs running. He laid into that kid about how he needs to watch were he is going and made him apologize to our youngest. All of this before "mom" was even aware of what was happening. When she managed to haul herself into the situation she was upset with my husband for yelling at her kid. She was basically told where to go, how to get there and to take her kids with her while she was at it. :D

[dragonladylea]

Wow Coralcat that was harsh, he was looking for advice not a beating and lets remember he is trying to be a good parent while the other so called "parent" doesnt care. He removed his child from any further threat of injury!!!

[GoLowDrew]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587857#post7587857 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dragonladylea
Wow Coralcat that was harsh, he was looking for advice not a beating and lets remember he is trying to be a good parent while the other so called "parent" doesnt care. He removed his child from any further threat of injury!!!

It's ok. Thanks for the support. This post got me thinking a lot and from different perspective. Coralcat is right in that the child and his brother perhaps need to be removed from the kid's play area.

We all left. I'm thinking now.... what if the bad kid did the same thing to another child? The bad kid need to be stopped then and now. He outright attacked two others. I wouldn't think he stop there.

[Hunter21]

At my job, cracker barrel, we have this kid that comes in all the time named Wesley and he's known around there as the devil kid. He has 1 younger brother and 4 older siblings 2 sisters and 2 brothers. This kid is the worst of them all, He beats the crud out of his siblings all the time, he even bites the employees there as well if he doesn't get his way, and his mom just lets it happen. One night I was closing up with one of the retail people closing shop and the kid and family came in and as they were checking out, The kid flew up to the counter and started screaming at me, then ran over to the retail person and grabbed her hand and bit it. Out of instant reaction, she smacked him in the face. The mom was so mad! long story short, everyone was happy to hear he finally got a smackin, not from his mother, but from a complete stranger! lol Some parents just don't care about their kids and in return they'll get their's later on! :(

Erin

[dragonladylea]

GoLowDrew - I think that we dont always see clearly in an emotion situation like that until after the fact. Then we kick ourselves afterward. And unfortunately the "bad" kid was probably like that to get his Mom's attention. Makes me sick to think how many kids are out there in this situation. I still to this day dont leave my 12 year old alone in a store and the first time I ever left him at home alone. My husband called him twice to check on him, both sets of Grandparents called him numerous times, his Uncle stopped over to check on him and I called him at least 1/2 dozen times. Mind you he was only home 6 hours. When my husband and I got home, the 12 year old tells us "how do you expect me to learn how to be home alone when you don't leave me alone long enough to find out"!! LOL!!

[oz]

Sometimes you have to just show your kids who you really are.....


and kick some butt....








































http://www.aintitcool.com/pics/da-nacho.jpg

[Hunter21]

just saw that movie last night, very funny!!! :D

Erin

[coralcat]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587857#post7587857 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dragonladylea
Wow Coralcat that was harsh, he was looking for advice not a beating and lets remember he is trying to be a good parent while the other so called "parent" doesnt care. He removed his child from any further threat of injury!!! My advise was in that statement, your child is first. period... What should be done,,, next time, I'm sure will be different, WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Better to be tough now, to make a strong point, than to have a hurt child,for it will happen again. 4 children, 2 grandchildren later. My teaching to them is, you don't start it, if so, you deal with me, but if attacked,you do what you need to to protect yourself. This will come in time. I still feel that you,me, all of us have the obligation to protect the children, ours or not. child in car left alone, crying can't find mom or dad in the mall, whatever. There are tooo many afraid to get involved, then the news AT 6,,, childs brains cooked, left in car, abducted, 3 yr old hurt, when 5 yr old used baseball bat ect, OK DONE, NONE OF THIS IS INTENDED TO PROVOKE A RESPONCE. Take care

[Unome]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587480#post7587480 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Fat Man
I would have said something to the parent of the other child if around? Another question is how old was the kids brother? If not of a sufficient age then I would have reported the children as abandoned to the mall staff. <a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7587501#post7587501 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by GoLowDrew
Didn't think about that at the time. That was best advice. Let the parent be the one to get in trouble and have to take responsibility for the kid.

We were swimming at sister's community pool last Friday. 3 adults and 4 kids. A little kid about 2 - 3 yrs. old shows up at gate and is talking(or trying to). He has shirt, shorts and 1 sock on. No one else is around him. We start checking on him and daughter's friend starts to talk to him and see about getting him home.

All of the sudden, his brother(about 15) shows up and tells him to go back to the house. :eek: Not, "C'mon, let's go back home." but "Go back to the house." and kid disappears from sight. We got beyond PO'ed. :mad:

Next thing, little boy is back and brother keeps trying to leave him at pool and go hang with his friends. We kept telling him, "No. You're not leaving this kid here for us to watch. You either take him back to the house or you watch him." Every time he would start to leave the pool area, we would make sure the little boy was right behind him.

I left to go to work and daughter & wife said this kept on happening for about an hour after I left. :mad: No one ever saw a parent come up to pool with these boys.

[Sk8r]

It's a hard call. You're doing three things: protecting your kid, teaching him how to cope with bad behavior, and showing him how to resolve a situation. When they're way little, you just get him out of the situation and talk with your kid about it in terms he/she can understand, about when to defend himself and when to walk away---about bad behavior on display, and about how proud you are of him that he knows how to behave. And if he has a bad neighborhood to cope with a little martial arts training isn't a bad thing, imho. My father taught me to box. And he told me one really useful thing: "Never start a fight, but know how to finish it."

[cwegescheide]

Yeah call the cops. Thats REDICULOUS. No problem with CPS at all. Those kids are better off in CPS custody I think. Going shopping and leaving a 6yr old and 3yr old to run the mall??????????? INCREDIBLE. I think both the parents need to get their @$@#$# kicked.

[coralcat]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=7589821#post7589821 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Sk8r
It's a hard call. You're doing three things: protecting your kid, teaching him how to cope with bad behavior, and showing him how to resolve a situation. When they're way little, you just get him out of the situation and talk with your kid about it in terms he/she can understand, about when to defend himself and when to walk away---about bad behavior on display, and about how proud you are of him that he knows how to behave. And if he has a bad neighborhood to cope with a little martial arts training isn't a bad thing, imho. My father taught me to box. And he told me one really useful thing: "Never start a fight, but know how to finish it."

Very well put, I commend you.