Things Not To Say During Childbirth....

[Minuteman]

-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.

-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?

-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.

-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.

-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?

-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.

-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.

-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.

[bjonesjr1]

LMAO

[moogoomoogoo]

Maybe next time we could try for twins

[cwegescheide]

Hey doc, You see a set of car keys down there?? :eek1:

[Muttling]

-- Now we can start having sex again, right?

-- Remember, it's not pain your feeling. It's just pressure.

[hogpark7430]

Tom Cruise said you could have an epidural.

[tibbs2]

--"Houston. We have liftoff!"
--"Nurse, have you seen my scalpel?"
--"Is this the front or the back?"
--"Let's hurry this up. I have a three o' clock tee time."

[64Ivy]

"From the back, that nurse kinda looks like Jessica Simpson, huh?"
"Is this gonna be one of those really long labors?"
"How're we ever gonna have sex again after THIS?!?"
"Oh, yuck!"

[Scuba_Dave]

IS it OK if I wait at the bar until this is over?

[garvin90]

"If I poke her doc, will the belly deflate?"
"Natural birth builds character."
"I played baseball in college... thats why I brought my catchers mit."
"Are you sure its labor, she looks like this in the morning?"
"I think I'm allergic to labor, I'll be in the gift shop."
"Is there a return policy?"
"That's alot of bloo....*thump*"