3_high_low
06/28/2001, 01:13 PM
This one cracked me up
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global
Divers out of Louisiana and
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he
sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won
the contest (he wasn't
thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you
think you have had a bad
day at the office, remember this guy.
April 1998 Hi, Sue, Just another
note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I
had a bad day at the
office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what
happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job. This
time of year the water is
quite cool, even with a wet suit. So what we do to
keep warm is this: We have
a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of crap sucks
the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temp. It then pumps it
down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped
to the air hose. Now
this sounds like a
damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints. What I do,
when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take
the hose and stuff it
down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well
until
all of a sudden, my *** started to itch. So, of
course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
butt started to burn. I
pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was
done. In agony I
realized what had happened. The hot water machine had
sucked up a jellyfish
and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than
the
poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that
hose down my back. I
don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish
couldn't get stuck to my
back. My *** crack was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was
an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
***. I informed the
dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other
divers, were laughing
hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the
surface for my chamber dry
decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing
but my brass helmet. My
suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on
board, the medic had tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to
shove it "up my ***" when I get in the chamber. The
cream put the
fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my
******* was swollen
shut. Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the
office, think of me.
Think about how much worse your day would be if you
were to shove a jellyfish
up your ***. I hope you have no bad days at the
office. But if you do, I hope
this will make it more tolerable.
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global
Divers out of Louisiana and
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he
sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won
the contest (he wasn't
thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you
think you have had a bad
day at the office, remember this guy.
April 1998 Hi, Sue, Just another
note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I
had a bad day at the
office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what
happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job. This
time of year the water is
quite cool, even with a wet suit. So what we do to
keep warm is this: We have
a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of crap sucks
the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temp. It then pumps it
down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped
to the air hose. Now
this sounds like a
damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints. What I do,
when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take
the hose and stuff it
down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well
until
all of a sudden, my *** started to itch. So, of
course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
butt started to burn. I
pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was
done. In agony I
realized what had happened. The hot water machine had
sucked up a jellyfish
and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than
the
poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that
hose down my back. I
don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish
couldn't get stuck to my
back. My *** crack was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was
an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
***. I informed the
dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other
divers, were laughing
hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the
surface for my chamber dry
decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing
but my brass helmet. My
suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on
board, the medic had tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to
shove it "up my ***" when I get in the chamber. The
cream put the
fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my
******* was swollen
shut. Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the
office, think of me.
Think about how much worse your day would be if you
were to shove a jellyfish
up your ***. I hope you have no bad days at the
office. But if you do, I hope
this will make it more tolerable.