View Full Version : For the Lounge Ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back,
"University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb......
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies,
"I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that --because they had been so good -- that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline / cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger....
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
----- ---------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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2fishy
05/11/2007, 08:28 AM
Those are hysterical!!!:lol:
This is my favorite!!
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
:lol: :lol:
:lol: I love the laundry one. Reminds me of Dan offering to cook.
"What pan do I use?"
"What do I put it on?"
"How do you start it?" Duh, you open the package first!
I guess you know Dan doesn't cook.
Nina51
05/11/2007, 08:43 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921325#post9921325 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
:lol: I love the laundry one. Reminds me of Dan offering to cook.
"What pan do I use?"
"What do I put it on?"
"How do you start it?" Duh, you open the package first!
I guess you know Dan doesn't cook.
why should he? you do.
JokerGirl
05/11/2007, 09:08 AM
I love it when they ask you why they can't put your GOOD teflon pans in the dishwasher.
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 09:25 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921510#post9921510 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by JokerGirl
I love it when they ask you why they can't put your GOOD teflon pans in the dishwasher.
Okay, I do my own cooking/cleaning/laundry, (even know how to seperate colors from whites, and which ones to pull out of the drier after 10 minutes to let dry on the drying rack)
but what can't you put a good teflon pan in the dishwasher??
JokerGirl
05/11/2007, 09:38 AM
Dishwashers ruin the non-stick coating by stripping off all the oils from the Teflon.
By handwashing them, you don't get all the oil/grease out of the crevices of the Teflon leaving a nice non-stick surface.
That's always why you're supposed to "cure" a new Teflon pan for a week or two with oil. Dump it in and let it sit.
I've got two very expensive Teflon pans that are never to see a dishwasher.
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 09:41 AM
Ahh okay, thanks. Lucky for me the ex-wife got the good pans, and I have cheaper ones from Target. And my cooking is a bit limited.
My problem is that this is my first place with a dishwasher in over 10 years, so I like not having to wash dishes by hand. :)
LOL, except hard anodized, I wash mine in the dishwasher.
;)
JokerGirl
05/11/2007, 09:48 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921680#post9921680 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Toddrtrex
Ahh okay, thanks. Lucky for me the ex-wife got the good pans, and I have cheaper ones from Target. And my cooking is a bit limited.
My problem is that this is my first place with a dishwasher in over 10 years, so I like not having to wash dishes by hand. :)
Oh I completely feel your pain. My apartment didn't have a dishwasher and man was it a pain in the ***. Especially when I'd have people over because they'd make 10,000 dishes for me to do.
We've got a set of cheap pans from Costco since there's two guys in the house (my boyfriend and room mate).... They go in the dishwasher, they use metal spoons/forks/knives in them, they burn stuff in them...
You name it, they've done it to these poor pans. I don't care as long as I have my two good pans for doing some chinese food and other involved cooking.
JokerGirl
05/11/2007, 09:49 AM
Anyways... sorry to ninja the thread!!! back to more funnies plaz!
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 09:51 AM
I am at least smart enough not to use metal in those pans -- the ex had ruined a couple doing that.
Yea, the most involved cooking I do is doing some green/red peppers in olive oil to put into my jar pasta sauce. :p
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 09:51 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921731#post9921731 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by JokerGirl
Anyways... sorry to ninja the thread!!! back to more funnies plaz!
Dang it, you foiled my plan.
2fishy
05/11/2007, 09:54 AM
I wish I had a dishwasher!:sad1:
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921749#post9921749 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Toddrtrex
I am at least smart enough not to use metal in those pans -- the ex had ruined a couple doing that.
Yea, the most involved cooking I do is doing some green/red peppers in olive oil to put into my jar pasta sauce. :p
Haven't you learned to cook yet?
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 10:00 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921780#post9921780 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
Haven't you learned to cook yet?
Doesn't that count as cooking?? :p
But, I can make sloppy joes, hamburger helper....
Even baked a carrot cake once.
And look at this.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y189/toddrtrex/Other/P1010147.jpg
Nykademus
05/11/2007, 10:04 AM
Thats a pretty fine grilled cheese. Evenly browned and abundant cheese... I give it a 7.. bravo!
I'm impressed.
I'm having chicken mole today. Yummmm....
Toddrtrex
05/11/2007, 10:10 AM
Thank you both, I was impressed myself -- obliviously, I took a picture of it. :)
Hmmmmmm, I love mole sauce.
dinoman
05/11/2007, 10:19 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921772#post9921772 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by 2fishy
I wish I had a dishwasher!:sad1:
:D Don't worry! You're not alone!
2fishy
05/11/2007, 10:28 AM
:lol: Dino, what's a chicken mole???:confused:
blu iz
05/11/2007, 10:37 AM
a chicken mole is a very scared little creature :)
dkh0331
05/11/2007, 11:25 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9921772#post9921772 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by 2fishy
I wish I had a dishwasher!:sad1:
You do.
Look in the mirror.
:lol:
Score one for th "Y's"in the CHC thread.
2fishy
05/11/2007, 11:29 AM
Something smells like burnt toast!:mad:
blu iz
05/11/2007, 11:29 AM
thats why I have a window behind my sink... I can stand there wishing I was outside instead of doing dishes....
blu iz
05/11/2007, 11:31 AM
I GOT MY 1ST PAGE 2 YIPPIE!!!!!!!! I'm doing the happy dance :dance:
dkh0331
05/11/2007, 11:33 AM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9922315#post9922315 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by 2fishy
Something smells like burnt toast!:mad:
What did beerguy have for lunch?
2fishy
05/11/2007, 11:40 AM
No, I think it's blowing in from the east!
I know it's not Bart's butt fur!
And beerguy probably had Habaneros stuffed with Jalapenos with a creamy triple X horseradish sauce! His farts smell like a burning inferno!!! They could peel the porcelain off of the toilet plumbing!!!:eek2:
dkh0331
05/11/2007, 11:47 AM
Sounds like you got some very intimate knowledge of Barto's behind and berrguys habits Carole.
Hmmm. Makes one wonder.
DKH
GET OUT!!!
Can you not read or are you a lady? :lol:
2fishy
05/11/2007, 12:00 PM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9922440#post9922440 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dkh0331
Sounds like you got some very intimate knowledge of Barto's behind and berrguys habits Carole.
Hmmm. Makes one wonder.
I heard it from BrianD or griss. I can't remember which.And I can safely say that because they won't come into a thread marked Lounge Ladies, like some people we know!!!! :D
dkh0331
05/11/2007, 12:10 PM
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9922497#post9922497 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by crp
DKH
GET OUT!!!
Can you not read or are you a lady? :lol:
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9922532#post9922532 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by 2fishy
I heard it from BrianD or griss. I can't remember which.And I can safely say that because they won't come into a thread marked Lounge Ladies, like some people we know!!!! :D
Like the CHC doesn't cackle in Mens Club threads.
And you both can
BITE ME!!!
:lol:
2fishy
05/11/2007, 01:57 PM
dkh0331, are you done with my dishes yet???:p
returnofsid
05/12/2007, 01:28 AM
Hmmm, here I am... a guy...who not only has done my own laundry and cleaning but I'm a chef!! LOL. And I do put teflon in a dishwasher. "leaving" oils on the surface sure can't be sanitary. Being a chef, I believe in sanitization!!! (I'm sure I spelled that wrong...lol) Wait, I don't put them in the dishwasher, our dishwasher person does!!! Anyway, I loved the jokes....even related to a few....uh oh.
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9926866#post9926866 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by returnofsid
Hmmm, here I am... a guy...who not only has done my own laundry and cleaning but I'm a chef!! LOL. And I do put teflon in a dishwasher. "leaving" oils on the surface sure can't be sanitary. Being a chef, I believe in sanitization!!! (I'm sure I spelled that wrong...lol) Wait, I don't put them in the dishwasher, our dishwasher person does!!! Anyway, I loved the jokes....even related to a few....uh oh.
Well you don't count! :lol: We are generalizing here. ;) I'm not leaving no oil in my pans either.
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