I'm a little creeped out

[chrisstie]

So I dated this guy a few years back in high school. He turned out to be someone who hasn't yet bothered to try contributing to society so I have long sinced moved on gotten married gotten a house finishing school etc etc etc

But I keep in touch with his sister and we're relatively close friends. Turns out she tells me the other day he's dating this girl now he works with at Walgreens (cause he failed out of college, like, several times) .. and she's only 17! He is 24...

Like, bygons be bygons I don't have any past attachment, but knowing the fact I was with this guy and he is now doing this kind of really creeps me out. I should feel creeped out right?

His sister sent me her myspage page and this young kid (I taught freshmen for the last 2 years, yes this girl is a kid to me) looks like an emo attention depraved typical "trendy" emo person- screaming for attention yet blending in with her other emo friends and has a bunch of movies of herself in that myspace-looking-up-at-webcam-pose ... many of her in just her bra and pants.. and one of my friends is her teacher.

Should I care this much? Should I let my friend that's a teacher know maybe as a teacher that she shouldn't be with an older useless guy? Should I take the drug they had on Boston Legal and try to forget the whole thing happened?

ack this is just so messed up I'm stunned.

What would you do?

[GSMguy]

nothing you can do about it a 17 year old girl is old enough to make any decision she want even if she is not old or wise enough to make the right one
tell you freind to call her parents she is still underage they are the only ones who can help her

[Sk8r]

You can't fix this. You may be your brother's keeper, but you're not his or hers. Ask the cops what thanks you get when you intervene in a domestic situation. His life is spiraling down the tubes, the kid he's hooked up with is a desperate case, and has some life lessons to learn, hopefully with protection, and beyond that, I'd just commiserate with the friend that the kid looks like a young fool, and just stay out of the fallout zone. If the sister goes and gets into it, stay out of it. Me, I'd stay so far away from this situation we wouldn't be in the same end of the zipcode.

[Muttling]

You're identifying with her. You see yourself as having made mistakes with this guy and are imprinting the things you did upon his new girlfriend. That's not right.

As stated above, she's old enough to make her own choices and some things must be learned through experiencing them. If asked, be honest but don't go out of your way to express your opinion to her as it will not be well received and will only be interperted as jealousy.


He's a looser, she's choosing to go out with him. Get on with YOUR life and let them live theirs.

[dc]

So what's a emo? :lol:

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[mike4271]

Is your big problem the "older guy", or is it that in your opinion he is a no hoper ???

[mike4271]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9272828#post9272828 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
So what's a emo? :lol:

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo

A derogatory comment if you aren't one, no different to the trends we grew up with, doesnt at all mean you are not a normal kid.

My neice is classed as one because of the music she likes, starts her teaching job this summer, :lol: Graduated in the top 5% of her school.

[Satori]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9272828#post9272828 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
So what's a emo? :lol:




A few entries from the Urban Dictionary:

Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.

A group of white, mostly middle-class well-off kids who find imperfections in there life and create a ridiculous, depressing melodrama around each one. They often take anti-depressants, even though the majority don't need them. They need to wake up and deal with life like everyone else instead of wallowing in their imaginary quagmire of torment.

An entire subculture of people (usually angsty teens) with a fake personality. The concept of Emo is actually a vicious cycle that never ends, to the utter failing of humanity... etc, etc.

[mike4271]

Yep, like I said Debi, just like when we where kids, it has always been bad to be different, but those kids of 20 years ago seem to have survived with only the normal percentage of bad vs good.:D

[chrisstie]

So many posts already gosh.

Well you all have one thing right - I think staying out of it is the best bet, but as far as knowing that an underage thing as concerned with the laws in Florida are concerned, I might drop the thing to my friend\the teacher and let him deal with that knowledge as he sees fit. He's an extremely good guy and makes good choices and it isnt' really my place to feel a burden. I just can't stop feeling creeped out. I'm still a little unsure why.

As far as what emo is goes and does i think its become less of a derogatory term and more of a "class" ? of people - like preppy, jock, geek, etc.
I don't want to stereotype here but give a picture of the "classic" emo persona that I know - ones who wear lots of black, things from Hot Topic, the really dark eye liner\mascara (for guys and gals) .. the "angsty" teen if you will. It seems to be a trend more in younger people I think ..

When you go to college and are an individual who wants to get serious about life and a career that stuff sort of fades out as you figure out who you really want to be for the rest of your life and also have to dress appropriately for your job.

Also there is music classified as "emo" now, like rock, metal, punk, techno there is also now emo. I guess the angsty thing would be like country song themes in punky\metalish style. I'm not even 100% sure on that. my music tastes are a bit different.

I think what I see when I look at this girl is just a girl - not one who is trying to shape who she is to become something greater in the future- like looking back at old pictures of myself- its still me but not with the identity I have now? And from what the ex has told me he really likes and cares for her but is kind of on the fence about taking things further than like, kiddie relationship with her.

I think thats something I left out in the main post. the ex is still a friend, one that we do live in different zip codes but chat a bit online and stuff and we still share a lot of the same interests (not 17 year olds lol) so in one way yes i've moved on with my life but in another the way he talks to me sometimes feel like he's seeking advice or another opinion so im trying to deal with a bit of the "what can i tell him if anything" about this situation.

I think he's a bit lacking in the maturity and mental astuteness department, but he's not really a bad guy either. The last I told him was to think of this situation long and hard because whatever he decides will make a lasting impression on him - and her. Despite the legalities and what not involved he needs to make a choice that he feels is right to himself and not one he might regret for the rest of his life.

I almost feel like i've become the big sister so its just weird.

thanks guys, its nice to just be able to get this weirdo stuff off my chest ;p It is, afterall, the lounge. Now where's my martini?

[dc]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9272932#post9272932 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by mike4271
Yep, like I said Debi, just like when we where kids, it has always been bad to be different, but those kids of 20 years ago seem to have survived with only the normal percentage of bad vs good.:D

Like that kid of mine, plays a violin and listens to classical music!:rolleyes: Where could I have gone wrong?

:lol:

[Redstratplayer]

Emo kids................... are not "different" they are all the same.Black hair,expensive ripped jeans,guys have more makeup on then the girls............
I am friends with lots of emo kids and the only one that has somthing to cry about (and it is a big one)her dad tryed to kill her.

But most of them say life sucks and crap like that because they cant afford to buy every pop emo crap cd some no talent boy band in black puts out for them to cry and cut themselvs to.

Here is a joke.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they cry in the dark.

[chrisstie]

Haha well if you wanted the derogatory version thats what we say behind their backs right? ;p

I think i was friends with people in middle school a little bit before the emo trend hit and they could be classified under the same stereotype but it was before Hot Topic was around and they had things like livejournal and myspace to, uh... discover each other with?

I have to admit I do make fun of them a bit because I agree to some point a lot of them are "crying for help" with the horrible unwashed hair and black clothes everywhere when there are truly people with bigger problems and issues.
But on the same note to each person his or her issue feels just as real and painful to themselves..

So I don't know, I just tend to make fun of everyone equally including myself so I don't mean to come off sounding judgemental. If you saw one of this girl's little videos she made you'd probably sound a bit like Redstratplayer though hah

[Jeffrey Porter]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9273959#post9273959 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Redstratplayer
Here is a joke.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they cry in the dark.

Good one.

[Random Aquarist]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9273959#post9273959 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Redstratplayer

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they cry in the dark.

:lol: :lol:

[Angel*Fish]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9272828#post9272828 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
So what's a emo? :lol:
http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/page/emo-54647.jpg

[chrisstie]

that's precious lol

[Sk8r]

I think the problem is that you grew up and he didn't, and won't. He's hanging with people his emotional age, emo or whatever.

In my gen, we have another word: "drama queen," which is not a good behavior to tolerate in people near you: they're emotional vampires, and want the agitation, because they feed off it: they call you often with their troubles, but never take any advice and never actually improve. Run from this type and erase them from your cell: you'll become a life-source, and you'll never shake them if you feed the behavior.

[Kahuna Tuna]

I think the problem is that you grew up and he didn't, and won't. He's hanging with people his emotional age, emo or whatever.

Bingo. I would be a little creeped out myself. Not quite as creepy as a 60 something president screwing a young intern but you get the idea.

I dont know what the laws of your state are but in Cali if a teacher knows that a child is having sex with an adult they are mandated by law to report the incident to the authorities. If they fail to do so they could lose their teaching credential.

[chrisstie]

Well I sent a note to my friend the teacher and asked him if he knew one of his students was dating someone our age .. what he woudl do about it without actually giving him names... So we'll see how he wants to go about it but beyond that, I'll gladly sit in the front row with my popcorn and just watch the drama unfold. I think I am getting a little too old for that stuff too.

Yeah there is a big difference on the maturity level. He isn't a bad guy but he just "doesn't get it".


Haha I love how there are all these politicans who debate so heavily on gay rights and abortion rights (not going to go into those in detail but just want to point out an irony) with all kinds of weird legislation- then you go and see an old fart get busted for some horrible stuff like that. Can I not pay that part of my taxes that funded that?

[mike4271]

chrisstie, I think the age thing is really bothering you, don't let it, if it was a different State, would you think differently then ?

I always hold my wife and I as an example that it is not relevant.

When we got together, all I could hear was, "This won't last". so
since that day, My Father in law has been married and divorced three times, my Mother in law has been married and divorced twice and has now decided she is a Jehovah's Witness, My Brother in laws wife committed suicide for reasons relating to their relationship, my Sister in law is married and divorced now a single mom. Jane and I have been together and married for 28 years, when we met, I was 35, she was 17, and we are STILL happily married. :)

[dinoman]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9277767#post9277767 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by mike4271
Jane and I have been together and married for 28 years, when we met, I was 35, she was 17, and we are STILL happily married. :)

That makes you....well.....lets see here, where is the calculator?? Ok....hmmmm.....older than Nina!! :eek2::eek1: I didn't even know that was possible!!

:) As far as the age thing, it isn't such a big deal anymore. 17 and 24 isn't a huge gap now, I've known MANY people that are farther apart than that and are quite happy. Now if this was an 18yo and a 10yo...yeah, that'd be worrisome, but its not. Its a 17yo and a 24yo, both are adults or well enough close to it to make adult decisions themselves (not that they do, or will :rolleyes: ).

As far as the other stuff I won't bother commenting on that!! The whole emo thing kind of hit here at least after I was well and out of school, I've heard bits and pieces but not enough to say much. :p

[chrisstie]

Hmm thanks for an interesting viewpoint from someone who actually comes from a background like this. I am glad it worked out for you, they don't often do.

The irony in it for me is my parents have a 15 year age gap so I can think in real terms like "well if they were 10 years older or so it wouldn't be such a big deal"

but at the same time I think what bothers me is that she's still in high school. He's failed out of college a bunch of times and its like.. I can also think in terms that when he and I were dating she was only 10 years old. Yeah we're adults and all that good stuff now but does he just have a thing for 17 year olds in general? hah. I guess its also weird that she is the first girl he's dated since me so its like, er, little desparate there buddy? its been a good 5-7 years (ican't quite remember) already.. winnar.

A lot of relationships depend more on the individuals than the outside influences around them - mike you were determined to make it work and you did - however I know half of this relationship as far as the guy goes, and just wow.

I think it really is just like watching a NASCAR race but I'm Marty McFly back from the future and I know what is going to happen, its only a matter of when.

[BrianD]

I am lost trying to figure out why it is such a big deal. Many 17 year olds are in college. If she is mature for her age and he is a little immature, they are probably a good match. I really don't think you should have said anything to her teacher. In any case, if I was this guy and found out you did that, our "friendship" would be over.