Unwritten Man Laws

[Random Aquarist]

I've noticed lately that there are a lot of unwritten rules among men. Let's make a list of these rules. I'll start.

1. Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

I can't think of any others at the moment. Keep adding to the list. Girls, DO NOT ADD LAWS TO THE LIST.

[Fat Man]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9193720#post9193720 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Random Aquarist
I've noticed lately that there are a lot of unwritten rules among men. Let's make a list of these rules. I'll start.

If you write them down they won't be unwritten rules anymore. That would ruin the whole idea of unwritten rules.

[BigSkyBart]

1. Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

2. Peach is a fruit, not a color

[Corn]

thou shalt not pee next to some one in a urinal that they do not know. go to the stall over and if that is filled then wait!!!

[mr pink floyd]

3.Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

[Random Aquarist]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9193823#post9193823 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by mr pink floyd
3.Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

Thou shalt obey the empty urinal separation law, dividers or not.:furious:

[dc]

I think they should stay unwritten. :lol:

[Random Aquarist]

Women just don't understand. We men have our own hierarchies, tribal laws, and barbaric communications. You women just can't understand.

Like an ant nest, the farther down you dig, the more advanced it becomes.

[Redstratplayer]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9194069#post9194069 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Random Aquarist
Women just don't understand. We men have our own hierarchies, tribal laws, and barbaric communications. You women just can't understand.

Like an ant nest, the farther down you dig, the more advanced it becomes.


:smokin: :beer: :beer: :dance: :dance:

[Wee Man]

4. Never flatulate in private.

[dc]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9194069#post9194069 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Random Aquarist
Women just don't understand. We men have our own hierarchies, tribal laws, and barbaric communications. You women just can't understand.

Like an ant nest, the farther down you dig, the more advanced it becomes.

Honey, just keep telling yourself that!

[Wee Man]

5. Nothing on the face of this Earth is "cute"

[BigSkyBart]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9194096#post9194096 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Wee Man
4. Never flatulate in private.

5) if you MUST fart in private, you are REQUIRED to pull your own finger

[2fishy]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9193720#post9193720 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Random Aquarist
I've noticed lately that there are a lot of unwritten rules among men. Let's make a list of these rules. I'll start.

1. Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

I can't think of any others at the moment. Keep adding to the list. Girls, DO NOT ADD LAWS TO THE LIST.

I'm sorry, did you say something???:confused:

[mr pink floyd]

If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

[coyoteseven]

Beer is an acceptable beverage for all meals, snacks and just ordinary, any time of the day drinking.

[C-Water]

Never tell another man that their hair looks nice.

[Orchids]

Wafting of flatulence is the prefered method of determining it's aroma!

[BigSkyBart]

I thought I'd bring these together since we've reached 10.
Man laws or CoMANndments?


1. Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

2. Peach is a fruit, not a color

3.Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. Thou shalt obey the empty urinal separation law, dividers or not.

4. Never flatulate in private, if you MUST fart in private, you are REQUIRED to pull your own finger

5. Nothing on the face of this Earth is "cute"

6. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

7. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

8. Beer is an acceptable beverage for all meals, snacks and just ordinary, any time of the day drinking.

9. Never tell another man that their hair looks nice.

10. Wafting of flatulence is the prefered method of determining it's aroma!

[dkh0331]

If it itches, scratch it.

[Random Aquarist]

Ladies. I'm above scratching in public and wafting farts.

[seatown76]

Complaining about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

[bigevill]

Never do anything you are asked to do by a woman where you think to yourself, "I will do it this one time" Once you do it once you will be forever forced to do it over and over.

[coyoteseven]

Shopping is NOT a sport

Know what you want (size, shape, color, etc), get in, grab it, pay for it, get out.

[Iammatt219]

thou shall not confess any occurances of infidelity of another man

[E-A-G-L-E-S]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9197347#post9197347 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Random Aquarist
Ladies. I'm above scratching in public and wafting farts.

So you start the thread and then sell all me n down the river quite quickly..

**Here's a man law......Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female


Ohhh, and the urinal law.......you guys ever been to an NFL game or really any sporting event or concert where there is no option for urinal personal space to avoid the possible cross damage....we need to make an amendment to that law regarding this type of situation.

[E-A-G-L-E-S]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9198250#post9198250 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Iammatt219
thou shall not confess any occurances of infidelity of another man

huge...this should be #1

[dc]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9198260#post9198260 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S
So you start the thread and then sell all me n down the river quite quickly..

**Here's a man law......Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female


Ohhh, and the urinal law.......you guys ever been to an NFL game or really any sporting event or concert where there is no option for urinal personal space to avoid the possible cross damage....we need to make an amendment to that law regarding this type of situation.

He's pretty young, trust me he will outgrow it. :lol:

[batguano]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9198260#post9198260 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S
So you start the thread and then sell all me n down the river quite quickly..

**Here's a man law......Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female


Ohhh, and the urinal law.......you guys ever been to an NFL game or really any sporting event or concert where there is no option for urinal personal space to avoid the possible cross damage....we need to make an amendment to that law regarding this type of situation.

Yes, the exception to the urinal law:

It shall be a defense to the empty urinal law that the man is attending a large sporting event or rock concert. In this case, every open urinal shall be utilized, as well as all available toilets, sinks and other drain sources.

[Redstratplayer]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9198260#post9198260 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S

**Here's a man law......Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female



Unless she is really smoken hoT!!!

[Orchids]

And your intentions are not good and pure.

[Angel*Fish]

Is it a man law that you must fly down the highway with Woohoo! by Blur blasting from the speakers?

Just wondering :)

[dkh0331]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9199509#post9199509 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Angel*Fish
Is it a man law that you must fly down the highway with Woohoo! by Blur blasting from the speakers?

Just wondering :)

No. What a man blasts thru their vehicular stereo system cannot be mandated thru the unwritten man laws, as long as its manly.

[E-A-G-L-E-S]

which woohoo isn't :lolspin:

[seatown76]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9198260#post9198260 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S
So you start the thread and then sell all me n down the river quite quickly..

**Here's a man law......Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female


Ohhh, and the urinal law.......you guys ever been to an NFL game or really any sporting event or concert where there is no option for urinal personal space to avoid the possible cross damage....we need to make an amendment to that law regarding this type of situation.

I second the above amendment. I have been to a few places that don't even offer the urinal but merely a long trough i.e. state fairs and racing events.

[Angel*Fish]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9199571#post9199571 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dkh0331
No. What a man blasts thru their vehicular stereo system cannot be mandated thru the unwritten man laws, as long as its manly.
Thank you, I appreciate the clarification

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9199619#post9199619 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S
which woohoo isn't :lolspin:
That also clarifies a few things, thanks ;)

[Jeffrey Porter]

I still like it, and it's not Woohoo, it's Song 2.

[dkh0331]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9199619#post9199619 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by E-A-G-L-E-S
which woohoo isn't :lolspin:

Thank you for clarifying, I have no clue what type of music Woohoo! by Blur is. Apparently some type of girly music?

[bigevill]

what about "Sure Shot" by the Beasty Boys? Is that manly enough?

[Angel*Fish]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9200593#post9200593 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dkh0331
Thank you for clarifying, I have no clue what type of music Woohoo! by Blur is. Apparently some type of girly music?
lol No it's heavy metal I guess - to me it sounds kind of "tongue-in-cheek- It's a great song. Most of the metal (?) songs I like are so bizarre it sounds like the guys have to be joking. :D That's why I like The Darkness, I mean can they really be serious, they're just joking right? Aren't they? Either way I love 'em.

And yes, it's really named Song 2, but only Jeffrey would have known which song I meant :D

[LionfishFinatic]

got something like this in an e-mail here you go

The Guys' Rules___________________
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.




Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!





1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, cars,
or, sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[64Ivy]

Thou shalt not suffer any man who willingly watches Oprah to live.

[mission man]

Never speak to another man while in the the bathroom

[hogpark7430]

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.

and

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

[Alex13]

1) Thou shall not confess any occurances of infidelity of another man

2) Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

3) Peach is a fruit, not a color.

4) Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. ( This law can be void in certain circumstances )

5) Nothing on the face of this Earth is "cute"

6) Never flatulate in private but if you MUST fart in private, you are REQUIRED to pull your own finger.

7) If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

8) In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

9) Beer is an acceptable beverage for all meals, snacks and just ordinary, any time of the day drinking.

10) Never tell another man that their hair looks nice.

11) Wafting of flatulence is the prefered method of determining it's aroma!

12) If it itches, scratch it.

13) Complaining about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

14) Never do anything you are asked to do by a woman where you think to yourself, "I will do it this one time" Once you do it once you will be forever forced to do it over and over.

15) Shopping is NOT a sport

16) Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female, unless she is really smoken hoT!!! And your intentions are not good and pure.

17) Thou shalt not suffer any man who willingly watches Oprah to live.

18) Never speak to another man while in the the bathroom.

19) You must know what type of engine is in your car.

[BigSkyBart]

Thanks for updating the list Axel

EDIT oops, that should read Alex...sorry, right keys, wrong order

[Alex13]

NP so is axel my new nickname haha

[Alex13]

Haha its all good, I do have the nickname of Ajax by a few people lol.

[BigSkyBart]

20. Never apologize to a chick, it's a sign of weakness
(it's ok to do so to a member of the brotherhood of all things manly, IE: another DUDE)

Alex & Axel the split personality identical only twin brother :lol:

[Alex13]

Haha yep :D but who's the evil one ;)

[hogpark7430]

There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.


Page 3 is mine!

[BigSkyBart]

You are the evil one!, but which one am I talking to?

[hogpark7430]

Don't think I didn't see that Bigsky.

[BigSkyBart]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9202926#post9202926 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by hogpark7430
There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever. (SPECIAL EXEMPTION GRANTED for SK8R)


Page 3 is mine!

[BigSkyBart]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9202945#post9202945 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by hogpark7430
Don't think I didn't see that Bigsky.

huh? what?

[hogpark7430]

No one is buying your PPOE.




Premature page owning edit.

[Alex13]

Who do you think I am?!?!?!?!?!?

[scrmbld33]

rule: never make idle chit chat with someone you dont know while taking a crap in public restrooms, exeptions :asking for tp or theres a fire or tornado or something

rule if a woman makes a statement to a guy above not putting the seat down after being the only response should be "you dont put it up when your done"

[Redstratplayer]

Talking about cars and sports is about as close to a “deep” conversation you can have with another man unless you are bombed out of your skull on booze and/or dieing.

[hawaiianwargod]

:)

[Alex13]

1) Thou shall not confess any occurances of infidelity of another man

2) Thou shalt not kick someone in the groin if they are pinned down or otherwise unable to move.

3) Peach is a fruit, not a color.

4) Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. ( This law can be void in certain circumstances )

5) Nothing on the face of this Earth is "cute"

6) Never flatulate in private but if you MUST fart in private, you are REQUIRED to pull your own finger.

7) If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

8) In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

9) Beer is an acceptable beverage for all meals, snacks and just ordinary, any time of the day drinking.

10) Never tell another man that their hair looks nice.

11) Wafting of flatulence is the prefered method of determining it's aroma!

12) If it itches, scratch it.

13) Complaining about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

14) Never do anything you are asked to do by a woman where you think to yourself, "I will do it this one time" Once you do it once you will be forever forced to do it over and over.

15) Shopping is NOT a sport

16) Though shalt not roll over on compadres for any female, unless she is really smoken hoT!!! And your intentions are not good and pure.

17) Thou shalt not suffer any man who willingly watches Oprah to live.

18) Never speak to another man while in the the bathroom.

19) You must know what type of engine is in your car.

20) Never apologize to a chick, it's a sign of weakness.

21) There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.

22) Never make idle chit chat with someone you don't know while taking a crap in public restrooms, exceptions :asking for tp or theres a fire or tornado or something.

23) If a woman makes a statement to a guy above not putting the seat down after being the only response should be "you dont put it up when your done".

24) Talking about cars and sports is about as close to a “deep” conversation you can have with another man unless you are bombed out of your skull on booze and/or dieing.

[Angel*Fish]

May I please request further clarification? -

In the unwritten man laws is there somewhere a stipulation that a man must not read previous posts in a thread prior to posting in said thread?

[hesaias]

Under no circumstances do you call a repair man for anything, unless its to hang out and talk about fixing stuff.

[dc]

So, when are some real men going to post here?






:lol:

[otolith]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9211385#post9211385 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
So, when are some real men going to post here?






:lol: You rang? :D

If a bunch of guys are watching the game and one gets up to get a beer and offers to get a beer for anyone else, their chair cannot be taken, no matter how primo of a seat it is.

[otolith]

Never talk about how much money another man makes.

[2fishy]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9217444#post9217444 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by otolith
Never talk about how much another man makes.

only if a woman's listening!;)

[otolith]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9217505#post9217505 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by 2fishy
only if a woman's listening!;) Not even then. Not even then.

I had a "friend" bring up how I was a "rich doctor" the other night when we were all playing poker. I'm still irritated at him for saying that.

[2fishy]

If it's anything like how mad my hubby gets when people rub his bald spot on the back of his head, then I know how mad you are! Besides you should have told them that your not rich after you pay your insurance!:D

[dc]

Or that you actually work for a living! :lol:

[Orchids]

I cannot agree with # 17. We need to discuss this issue. Oprah is never acceptable.

[2fishy]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9219780#post9219780 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Orchids
I cannot agree with # 17. We need to discuss this issue. Oprah is never acceptable.

Is she acceptable if she tells you that women should make whoopy as many times a day as physically possible?;)

[Orchids]

Yes, but we all know the chances of that happening.

BTW, men do not call it whoopy!

[dc]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9211385#post9211385 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
So, when are some real men going to post here?






:lol:


http://images20.fotki.com/v390/photos/2/28482/3138611/th_boredsmiley-vi.gif

[2fishy]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9222590#post9222590 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Orchids
Yes, but we all know the chances of that happening.

BTW, men do not call it whoopy!

I was afraid to get clubbed in the head with the UA!:D

[2fishy]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9222737#post9222737 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by dc
http://images20.fotki.com/v390/photos/2/28482/3138611/th_boredsmiley-vi.gif

:lmao: Can't breathe!!


Whoohooo! page 4!

[Phish]

Real men don't eat Quiche? A real man will eat what he wants, when he wants, where he wants. Never let another mans comment deter you from what you like, or want to do.

If you are so insecure in your manhood that you cannot pee next to another man at the urinals, go sit in a stall. The checking of others .... equipment, however, is expressly prohibited.

[rcmike]

Okay, I have seen some of the restroom topics discussed but there are more. Here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw) is an instructional video outlining them and the possible consequences.

[coyoteseven]

The rantings of females within a men's only thread shall be completely ignored.


First, you try to be nice and let them vote... then they have the nerve to think anything they may have to say is actually worth listening to. :rolleyes:


:p :D :p

[coyoteseven]

Originally posted by Phish
... The checking of others .... equipment, however, is expressly prohibited.
Reminds me of the old "Welcome to Jamaica, mon..." joke. :lmao:

[Corn]

here is one
DO NOT MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S REEF TANK !!!!!

[Medaka]

<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9388642#post9388642 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Corn
here is one
DO NOT MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S REEF TANK !!!!!

Or car. (everyone just loves to key my car -_-)