GF pregnant ..what am i to do?

[johnvu713]

Last nite she called me and told me she's 2 days late. A few hrs later she took a pregnancy test the result was negative. This morning she called and said she took the test again and it was positive(twice) The funny thing is she recently got on BC ,she was on her 10th day on the pill when we did it...i thought these things were to prevent u from becoming pregnant.
Anyhows, being Asian our families are very strict and i hate to break the news to them. Im sure they will lecture me everyday from now on until i draw my last breath. As for her, she said her parents are gonna whip her behind if they found out. FYI we're both adults she's 23 YO and im 9 years older than shes is...Do the math What am i to do? My religion prevent me from getting an abortion and im not sure what i want to do with this. My gf doesnt know what to do either cuz she doesnt want her family to know that she got pregnant out of wedlock.

[gtrestoration]

Turn back the clock and keep it in your pants.

SteveU

[amcarrig]

Birth control pills only start working after you take them for a month or so. As for what to do, you're both adults so you should be able to figure it out. I would worry less about your parents reaction than about the welfare of your child.

[AQUAPHREAK]

Marry her ASAP!

[Muttling]

My first response is for you to resolve yourself to step up the plate and stick with your child. (Preferably, stick with your GF too but do NOT leave your child's life.)

My second response is to seek counseling on the subject. There's a lot of emotions to work through here and this is where a psychologist excels.

You're not alone in this quandry, you have lots of community support. Telling your parents will be hard, but i don't think they would simply reject you over the issue. Talking to them is another area where a therapist can really help.

[crp]

You're 32 years old and didn't know how birth control works?

Grow up and take care of your responsibilities.

[onereefnotenuf]

i think that if neither of you want to have a baby, look into adoption. there are tons of couples looking to adopt a baby and will give the kid a good home.

[GSMguy]

Originally posted by AQUAPHREAK
Marry her ASAP!

look your girlfriend made a Reef central profile.

[Anemone]

If your first, second, and third thought have been, "What are our parents going to think, how are they going to react?" then you need to sit down and screw your head on straight. As you pointed out, you are both adults. What do YOU think? How do YOU feel about this? Once you have answered those questions, then you can move on to "what should we do?"

Kevin

[six.line]

Asian cultures place high importance on families. It's not uncommon to see grown men worry a great deal about what parents will think and how they'll react. Let's be sensitive to the culture.

My advice:

1.) DO NOT LEAVE THE CHILD'S SIDE. You are a father now, you made that choice when you and your girlfriend began doing adult things. Don't whine and moan; there are thousands of infertile couples (myself and Mrs. Sixline) who cry many bitter tears that they're unable to have children of their own. Having a child can bring lots of joy; get the help you need (professional or otherwise) to face this situation in that manner. Make sure that kid knows you're happy to have her.

2.) Face the music. Running from problems never solved anything for anyone.

3.) Even though I already pointed out the cultural differences, Kevin has a very strong point. You ARE your own person. You are in control of this situation. Start preparing for it. If you decide to let the baby up for adoption, begin the research and necessary preliminary steps to do so. If you decide to care for the baby, make sure you've gotten appropriate insurance and other necessary medical and financial steps to care for the child.

Good luck.

[Anemone]

Originally posted by six.line
Asian cultures place high importance on families. It's not uncommon to see grown men worry a great deal about what parents will think and how they'll react. Let's be sensitive to the culture.

I'm not being insensitive to the culture at all. Concerns over parental approval/disapproval should certainly be considered, AFTER the two of them figure out how THEY feel about this. Their parents can't be their first thought. This too important a decision, with life-long consequences for the couple and child, for it to be made based upon what the grandparents might think.

FWIW,
Kevin

[TheBimbo]

Originally posted by GSMguy
look your girlfriend made a Reef central profile.

funny... But why not marry her, or at least get engaged...

Sometimes life is difficult but your strength shows through as to how you handle situations like this... The best of luck...



Christy...

[tyoberg]

I agree. Your parents shouldn't be your first concern--the baby is. It's time to be a man (relax, it's not all work).

I hate to point out a possible unpleasant side, but after things settle down a bit (but before your name goes onto a birth certificate), you should get a paternity test. I know a guy or two that got 18 year long financial obligations under fraudulent conditions (and the courts won't help you after the fact).

Ty

[xxpipedreamxx]

I think that everyone else was right on target. Grow up was my first thought. I got pregnant at 17 before I even graduated highschool, moved out and my family didn't know until I was nearly seven months along. Worst mistake ever. We all understand that you have major cultural differences than us, but seriously, stop whining. If all you can think about at 32 years of age is "what will our parents think" then you shouldn't have been dumb enough to be doing grown up things in the first place. Birth control as previously stated does NOT work for a minimum of thirty days once starting the pill and that is even if she took it correctly, EVERY day at the EXACT SAME TIME. I am shocked that you even mentioned abortion. I know that people have them all of the time, but it is hard to here about it when my husband and I have gone through you know where to try to have another child.

This is one very touchy subject and I do not think it should have been brought up on here at all. That's my .02

[BrianD]

And you thought you would get a beat-down from your parents

[johnvu713]

Originally posted by gtrestoration
Turn back the clock and keep it in your pants.

SteveU

thanks alot buddy

Originally posted by crp
You're 32 years old and didn't know how birth control works?

Grow up and take care of your responsibilities.

Thanks alot buddy part deux..you need to relax. So far, not once did i mention that im going to make her get an abortion. And yes i do know how BC works but not all BC are created equal. Get that thru ur thick skull.

Sixline is right. Family value is utterly important in our culture so is the life of a person.
At this time im not sure what i should do. Understandably so given the state of mind i'm currently in. I do want to marry her but because of my financial situation i'm unable to do so at this time.

[Nina51]

MAKE her????

[johnvu713]

Originally posted by BrianD
And you thought you would get a beat-down from your parents

Now i came to realize why this forum at times is so full of haters.

[johnvu713]

Originally posted by Nina51
MAKE her????

Suggest to her...happy now

[onereefnotenuf]

well , this person had a dog with parvo. didn't like the vets.same dog has emotional issues from a lost companion.found a lost pit bull.girlfriend is preggers. I am starting to not believe this b.s. sounds like a troll. if I am wrong I will apologize. but I doubt it.

[Leilani57]

I am shocked that a 32 year old man and a 23 year old woman would be so ignorant about birth control. I apologize for being hard on you, but how in the world did you two not know or understand how the bc pills work? And if you didn't understand how they worked, why didn't you or her ask the doctor to explain it to you when she got the prescription? That is just unbelievable to me. Certainly that knowlege doesn't help you at all now but you could have prevented all of this with just a little bit of education. You have some very important decisions to make and I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.

[johnvu713]

i thought this forum is a place where one can exchange ideas with other EDUCATED/Polite individuals. So far some of you have proven me wrong.
And yes all of the issues you mentioned above happened to me in a short period of time. I suppose your life is uneventful and you have no stress whatsoever.

[BrianD]

Originally posted by Nina51
MAKE her????

Get back in the kitchen make my sammitch.

[Anemone]

Originally posted by johnvu713
Now i came to realize why this forum at times is so full of haters.

If you ask for an opinion, you best be prepared to get people's opinions.

And, you dropped a fairly weighty, very personal question on a group of strangers on an internet bulletin board. Don't expect everyone to provide an answer of your liking.

Kevin

[Leilani57]

Originally posted by johnvu713
.And yes i do know how BC works but not all BC are created equal. Get that thru ur thick skull.

I hate to point out the obvious, but you obviously didn't understand how birth control pills work because you thought she was protected after taking the pill for 10 days. As many others have already explained, it takes much longer than that before it works.

Good luck.