Quick question; Is it better to be loved or feared ?

[oz]

which one lasts longer.

[crp]

Depends. Are we talking friends or children?

[BigSkyBart]

hows about being afeared of luv?

[oz]

children.

And the people who work under you.

[Muttling]

Give em tough love.

[Murdock5150]

With the right amount of respect, you can get both.

[mrferrit]

[oz]

This is what Sonny said...

It's nice to be both but it's very difficult. But if I had my choice, I'd rather be feared. Fear lasts longer than love. Friendships that are bought with money mean nothing. You see how it is around here, I make a joke --everybody laughs. I know I'm funny, but not that funny. It's fear that keeps them loyal to me. But, the trick is not to be hated. That's why I treat my men good, but not too good. I give them too much they don't need me. I give them just enough where they need me, but they don't hate me. Don't forget what I'm telling you. hehe

[Sk8r]

If they only fear you, they will wait until the moment they're sure that you will never find out, and then do what they want.
If they love you very, very much, they will not do what you disapprove of even if there is no great chance you will ever find out. I would have walked on fire if my dad had asked me to.
However, a little bit of both is not a bad thing. My dad undstood that one, too, and I did get swatted for brattish behavior, which I knew was coming when I did it.
The day I high-centered his car on a fallen telephone pole while he was teaching me to drive---don't ask---he was very calm and patient, quietly asked me to move over [bench seat], walked around the car, got in without a word, rocked us out of our problem, and drove on without saying a thing until we got home. He didn't mention it, didn't tell mum, didn't talk about it then or later, though he was perfectly fine and cheerful with me. That was the deepest, longest, most disappointed silence I have ever endured, and I never, ever forgot it.

[Fat Man]

Respect is better than either for work. With children respect and love. And best of all is when they want your respect. Respect is earned.

[aquaman67]

I vote for fear.

I told my wife I didn't care if my kids understood right from wrong when they were young. If they did the right thing just because they were afraid of me, that was fine by me.

I think it worked.

My wife couldn't believe that I would discipline my kids after only being home for a few minutes after not seeing them for weeks (While away in the Army) Then, 5 minutes later they were both in my lap. To this day I never have to repeat myself with them. Most of the time just looking at them is enough. They (boy / girl twins) will be 18 in January and will graduate in May.

I think the biggest problem parents make is trying to be their kid's friend. It's natural to want to be liked. But I'm not your friend I'm your Father...why? Because I said so!

[PrivateJoker64]

Originally posted by aquaman67
I vote for fear.

I told my wife I didn't care if my kids understood right from wrong when they were young. If they did the right thing just because they were afraid of me, that was fine by me.

I think it worked.

My wife couldn't believe that I would discipline my kids after only being home for a few minutes after not seeing them for weeks (While away in the Army) Then, 5 minutes later they were both in my lap. To this day I never have to repeat myself with them. Most of the time just looking at them is enough. They (boy / girl twins) will be 18 in January and will graduate in May.

I think the biggest problem parents make is trying to be their kid's friend. It's natural to want to be liked. But I'm not your friend I'm your Father...why? Because I said so!

Applause.
That's how my Dad was.
So I never threw a fit at WalMart or screamed "I hate you!" or "You can't make me!"
He would have killed me. Literally.
I sure do miss him.

[Muttling]

Originally posted by aquaman67
I vote for fear.

I told my wife I didn't care if my kids understood right from wrong when they were young. If they did the right thing just because they were afraid of me, that was fine by me.

I think it worked.

My wife couldn't believe that I would discipline my kids after only being home for a few minutes after not seeing them for weeks (While away in the Army) Then, 5 minutes later they were both in my lap. To this day I never have to repeat myself with them. Most of the time just looking at them is enough. They (boy / girl twins) will be 18 in January and will graduate in May.

I think the biggest problem parents make is trying to be their kid's friend. It's natural to want to be liked. But I'm not your friend I'm your Father...why? Because I said so!

Sounds like tough love to me. I don't hear a word of not loving them or disrespecting them, I hear a man who draws the line reasonably but DOES draw the line.


This is what I strive for as well. If I do half the job you have done, I will have done well.

[Altpers0na]

heh, an enduring question..


i once ask my nephews who were something like 6 and 9, and had just recently been caught doing some rule breaking thing... i have forgotten what...

if they knew the difference between fear and respect, they said they did, i said i didnt....

[Muttling]

Originally posted by Altpers0na
heh, an enduring question..


i once ask my nephews who were something like 6 and 9, and had just recently been caught doing some rule breaking thing... i have forgotten what...

if they knew the difference between fear and respect, they said they did, i said i didnt....

hehe.....I really like that answer in the given situation. I'm logging it away for future use.

[jpfelix]

there's a fine line between gear and respect.

in class i have to have their respect, the fear only lasts so long. plus i get tired of playing the games that come with the fear scenario.

[Random Aquarist]

Well, if you're a Prince, fear is more important.

[snulma1]

I think being feared gives a quicker sense of satisfaction, however being loved, you're more likely to be respected!