10 Classic Toys (And Why They Suck!)

[porky]

The guys @ cracked are @ it again and have come up with a fun list.
Whatever new-fangled video games and hover boards are hitting toy store shelves this Christmas, there are some classics that just never go away. We're talking about toys that go back decades and even centuries. Why? We're not sure, because most of them suck.
#10. Slinky

What is it:
A floppy spring-shaped thing that's supposed to walk down stairs and was designed by Richard James (later of James Industries) in 1943. We're guessing the design phase consisted of him drawing a curly squiggle on the back of a napkin while on the telephone.
Why it sucks:
Throughout human history, we highly doubt anyone ever claimed that going down some stairs was a fun activity, yet this premise is entirely what Richard James based his toy on. And, it seems, two generations of parents agreed with him. They rushed out to buy their offspring a Slinky for Christmas, instead of a Total Death Chaos Raygun 3000 or other similarly named toys that promised instant awesomeness.
Those children promptly ran up to the top of the stairs, pushed the Slinky off the top step and watched it flop down to the next where it would stay, completely inert until they nudged it again. Then, it would roll sideways off the step and lay sadly against the wall. Sighing, children the world over would then pack their Slinky away then go outside and do something more fun, like poke some dog **** with a stick.
What can make it better:
It's hard to make something that falls down stairs better, but James Industries could have tried. Maybe, it would have been more interesting if it had negotiated something trickier than a staircase--a cluttered floor, a minefield, one of those tire drills they always have at the NFL combine. How they could get a spring to do that, we don't know, but then again, we never claimed to be toy makers, James Industries.
Fun fact:
The Slinky has been named the Official State Toy of Pennsylvania as of Nov 4, 2001. We're thinking the Amish might have had a hand in that.

#8. Ball in a Cup

What is it?:
Sometimes called a "balero" depending on what part of the world you're in, it's a wooden cup on a handle, attached to a ball on a string. The idea is to toss the ball into the air and catch it in the cup. And then you...well, nothing. That's it.

Why it sucks:
Catching things is not that hard, and catching a ball in a cup doesn't make the task any trickier, especially when the ball is attached to the cup by a piece of string about 18-inches long. The re-playability factor is also sadly lacking: Once you catch the ball in the cup, that's it. There's no smaller cup to move on to, or bigger ball or longer string. Thus, when a child is presented with this toy from well-meaning parents on their 7th birthday, they duly toss the ball into the cup three or four times, then put it down and go back to drawing on a younger sibling's face with permanent markers.
What can make it better:
Removing the string. At least children could fling a ball without a cup connected to it hard up into the air or hard at each other's heads. And, as a plus, the ball would quickly get lost, meaning they would never have to play with the ****ing thing again.
Fun fact:
The TV show Family Guy parodied the toy in an episode, and pretty much captured the futility of the whole thing.

#7. Hula Hoop


What is it:
A hoop, usually made out of plastic, that can be twirled around the hips, waist or neck. It was 'invented' in 1958 by Richard Knerr and Arthur "Spud" Melin, founders of the Wham-O toy company.
Why it sucks:
"Playing" Hula Hoop involves holding the hoop around you at waist level, then trying to spin it at a rate approaching 1,000 rpms. Then you stand with your feet planted on the spot, spasmodically twitch your waist and hips as the hula Hoop drops to the floor. You sigh, pick the thing up again, and restart. But this time, you manage to keep it off the ground, at which point the Hula Hoop ricochets up your body and smacks you in the face.
Chances are there will be someone nearby whose body seems to be made of rubber, who can somehow gyrate their way to having five of the ****ing things spinning around their waist and neck. They'll claim in a loud voice that it's so easy, that you just have to put your hips into it and you'll be fine. It is always OK to throw rocks at this person.
What can make it better:
Ignoring its toy factor altogether and instead, marketing it to tubby people as a novelty belt.
Fun fact:
Our very own Joe Pizza was a internationally recognized hula hoping champion in the 1970’s and early 80’s. (below is an actual pic that was snagged of him in action @ the local skating rink)


You can find the complete list here!

[jh2pizza]

I saw that................

[Easily Distracted]

I'v got one but it did go away and for good reason:
Lawn Darts!

Let's combine groups of people at a family outing, probable alcohol consumption and large, pointy objects to throw into the air.....

[CaveManNOhio]

I grew up with lawn darts, it was a fun game. We had some close calls but no one ever got hurt.

[sammie]

I won a trophy playing jarts when I was a kid. People are just paranoid today.

[Reefdiver72]

I could just see one of those flying across the basement and crash goes the glass Korbin got a crossbow that shoots suction cup darts and I caught him shooting at the fish cause it was cool to stick them to the glass. Kids LOL

[jh2pizza]

Great, you got him started..... Back in the Day............

I won a trophy playing jarts when I was a kid. People are just paranoid today.

[sammie]

Originally posted by Reefdiver72
I caught him shooting at the fish cause it was cool to stick them to the glass. Kids LOL

Sounds like a normal boy to me....LOL What's more fun to shoot at than a moving target? My grandson got a nerf bazooka and was shooting at the cat and the cat loved it.