Behaviour Modification of a 2-year old

ReeferMac · #1 04/06/2005, 07:57 AM

OK, lots of you folks have kids....

... He's not quite 2 yet, but only a few months shy. Naturally, there's a few things we'd rather he didn't do, but one in particular really has pop's upset.

We've done the 'no hitting'/kicking/biting' thing... even got books on the subject (Karen Katz is great). Well, we don't have any trouble w/ him biting other people (though he does still like to kick the dog, or things at the dog...

), but rather himself. The habit started in daycare (the one older boy taught him how to hit himself in the head and say "stupid", the kids thought it was a riot), and it's kinda morphed into the current thing.

Whenever he gets reprimanded, or we yell at the Dog, or ... well, anything 'bad' happens in his vacinity: He hits himself in the head a couple times and says "no hiting", and when we stop him and tell him "we don't hit, we give hugs", he bites his finger, then says "no biting".

The wifey says just ignore it, it'll go away (not in daycare any longer), and I've tried that for a couple weeks... but he still did/does it. It even happens when we 'warn' the dog. Like I said, the two are a bit antagonizing, and sometimes when he approaches the dog, she starts to show her teeth and the lips get moving like she's going to bite. I'll yell (or say... volume/tone doesn't seem to matter) "DAISY, NO BITING" and the dog listens, ears go low, and the kid starts whacking himself. We explain the Dog was the bad girl, and he did nothing wrong... but he's sitting there biting his knuckle the whole time (now he grinds his teeth, because we pull his finger from his mouth).

I've tried reacting calmly to incidences, as my reactions may be a big part of his, but he even does it when we change his diaper... like I said, any time anything upsetting happens. Some kids hit and bite and kick... our's does it to himself. ***? Like I said, I've tried restricting my reactions at times when I can (but if the dog's about to lunge, I don't speak in calm even tone....), and it seems to help, so I'm thinking that the reaction is just the skill he's using to combat stress in his life right now.. but I'm worried about it being a lasting lesson. I mean, not that he's _that_ mentally developed yet, but it can't be good for his self esteem (never mind the teeth or knuckles!)

Any idea's not involving medication, are greatly appreciated.

- Mac

Jamesurq · #2 04/06/2005, 08:06 AM

After having 3 kids hit 2 years old, and one hitting it in October, I can honestly say "don't worry about it".

Kids are kids - at age 2 their behaviour has VERY little to do with their behaviour at age 3 or 4. They go through phases. I think your dog needs to be worked with so that you can avoid that situation, but overall I think the other parental anecdotes sound pretty good.

Now - I have no psychology background, so I'm not sure of the implications of him hitting himself in that regard...

Good luck with him.... Kids are great aren't they?

dc · #3 04/06/2005, 08:41 AM

I don't know what I'd do. 2 year olds can be a challange for sure. Just try to work at it without too much emotion. The dog might be a problem tho.

AJP · #4 04/06/2005, 08:45 AM

I think that the dog is acting tough because he has been kicked by your son. This is the main thing I would worry about. YOu need to find away to make your son stop kicking the dog, or will it only get worse.

Q-ball · #5 04/06/2005, 09:01 AM

Lock him in the closet until he's 18?

I'll be interested to read the responses as well as David is 17mths old and starting the hitting thing. Right now we just hold his hand and say "that's not nice, we don't do that" and he does stop for the moment.

RicksReefs · #6 04/06/2005, 09:09 AM

AJP · #7 04/06/2005, 09:10 AM

Well at work when we see people hit people, we pepper spray them. You want I should come to your house and do that for you?

Flanders · #8 04/06/2005, 09:57 AM

Not to get in a discussion over whether we should spank our kids or not, but there are really only two reasons I ever spanked my son: for running into traffic and hitting other kids or the dog. He's now 3 and a half and I can't remember the last time I had to spank him. 2-year-olds can be hard to reason with, I found it best to just aggressively nip that behavior in the bud. It seemed to work out well, he loves the dog and I think the dog loves him even more than me or my wife. Now when he "hits" the dog he does it lightly in a playful way, and the dog acts the same way when he "bites." They both seem to enjoy it but every dog and kid is different.

As for him hitting and biting himself, I wouldn't worry about it much. He'll eventually hit or bite himself too hard and remember not to do it anymore.

This type of stuff is a constant stuggle for me as my wife's sister has four of the most terrible kids in the world. James is always picking up stuff from them when we visit and then I spend weeks trying to put a stop to it.

VoidRaven · #9 04/06/2005, 10:07 AM

Hmm...if I remember I'll have my wife read this thread and see if she can offer any advice. She's got a bio/psych background and is working on her masters, plus she works for the Cleveland Clinic's Lerner Center for Autism doing ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) for the last 2 and a half years. I'm sure she has some ideas on how to stop that kind of behavior in a normal 2 year old...especially if she can do it with an 8 year old child with autism.

BUT, in the mean-time, I would continue to do your best to keep the kid and the dog separated.

Sierra · #10 04/06/2005, 10:20 AM

keep being firm with thew kid - My Kids get swats when the blatently ignore me and hit etc... but he is 2 years old - he'll move on to something way more fun soon enough.

Ummm... If it were me, the dog would have to go. My Dog has never ever acted agressively towards my children in anyway even when they are hanging all over her. The first time she does - she's gone.

I know I know You love your dog... then seperate your son and the dog from eachother until the 2 have learned how to respect eachother. last thing you want to happen is you to turn your back for a second... your dog has had enough and your son ended up with an everlasting fear of dogs with scars to remind him why.

VoidRaven · #11 04/06/2005, 10:38 AM

Sierra makes a good point...not about getting rid of the dogs but of separating them. The main thing is that the little guy needs to understand it is wrong to blatently abuse the dog.

My wife and I purposefully torment...ok, well, not torment but tug on ears and tails while they are eating or walking, or stick our hands into their food bowls while they are eating so that when we have kids, or if kids are over, and something like that happens the dog knows not to turn and bite. It's already been tested with someone else's kid and the training has worked. None the less, the point is to teach the kids not to do it in the first place...the dog training is sort of a back-up plan just in case.

ReeferMac · #12 04/06/2005, 11:23 AM

Thanks for the suggestions all.

The dog's not going, that's not an option. We've 'trained' her a bit too. Wifey has 2 younger brothers, and we pulled and tugged and abused her too, ever since she was a pup. Part of it's the jealousy thing - the dog was our 'kid' for several years, until our young lad came along. When the baby hit, she got very, very jealous. Anyone w/ a dog that they let sleep in their bed, will know what I mean.
Anyways, she's never bitten hard, like, a dog trying to tear into something. She's only a 13" beagle... Waist high on the kid. She's nipped... broken the skin once (don't worry, she got the **** kicked out of her for that one), but never anything serious. When they leave each other alone, they are fine together. She won't act out when we're with the 2 of them, but if you're observing from across the room, she gets a little *****y when he comes close, and has that look in his eye.

.... To the dog's defence, I've watched the boy.. he gets that look in his eye, and says "no kicking", as he's launching sand in her face and walking across the playground.

The dog understands, but she just keeps getting picked on (like the kid that finally hits back at the bully?). I don't fault the dog at all... just wish I could train the kid better, or at least curb his reactions when we react. That's why I keep coming back to the way I'm handling the situation, as part of the problem. When I'm able to walk up and intervene his teasing of the dog, he sometimes slowly tries to bite himself, but not quickly and aggressively when I have to jump to prevent the dog from earning another beating.

- Mac

dc · #13 04/06/2005, 11:30 AM

Ok, you have to stop calling him 'the kid' You sound so insentitive to him.

It's just a constant battle till he 'gets' it. And he will as long as you keep with it. Have you tried playing with the dog and 'the kid' together more so maybe they can bond?

ReeferMac · #14 04/06/2005, 11:38 AM

LOL! Sorry Debi, it's that internet-privacy thing.

Little PJ has sat down and played w/ us. He'll even go over to the Dog's basket and retrieve one of her Balls. Holds it up all proud and says "Daisy's Ball". Then he walks over and throws it at her head.

- Mac

crzy4reefs · #15 04/06/2005, 11:41 AM

well thankfully i've never run into any problems with my animals being jealouse. the german shepherd is quit protective of my son he's only 2 1/2 months right now, so we'll see what he does when he turns two. i so hope you work things out with your son and dog

dc · #16 04/06/2005, 11:42 AM

Sierra · #17 04/06/2005, 11:42 AM

my sons do that as well - they are 2 and 3...

they dont throw the ball at the dogs head on purpose, they are just not skilled throwers yet and when they throw the ball to the dog they end up pegging the dog.

my dog doesnt care.