Motorcycle Joke

[wizardgus®]

Three guys were riding through South Dakota on their way to Sturgis, one on a Honda, one on a Yamaha and one on a Harley.
They had pulled off the road to stretch when they noticed a sheep stuck in a barb wire fence.

The Honda rider said, " I wish we had some shears, then we could get some wool."

The Yamaha rider said, " I wish we had a knife, we could have mutton for dinner tonight."

The Harley rider said, " I wish it was dark out...."

[RicksReefs]

wheres that monkey shaking his head pic ?

[Kahuna Tuna]

What does a dog and a Harley Davidson have in common?
They both love to ride in the back of pickups!

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and a dog?
The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The Hoover has the dirtbag on the inside.

Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a harley rider?
A. In the bathroom...under the soap.

Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts???
A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road.

95% of all harleys made are still on the road. (the other 5% made it home).

Top 10 reasons harley riders dont wave to other riders;

1. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
2. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
3. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
4. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
5. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
6. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
7. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
8. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
9. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
10. They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT

Top 40 things you will never hear a harley rider say;

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Hey, Peaches? I think we should sell the pickup and buy a minivan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a martini.
35. We don't keep no firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Hey, Peaches? Did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and whole wheat toast instead of the biscuits and gravy.
25. Listen, Peaches. I love animals too, but we just don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn about NASCAR? Let's watch soccer!
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Nope. I’m going to have to say quits after this new ink. Ten tattoos is enough for any man.
21. Smoking is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at K-Mart today.
19. I wonder if I can get some quieter pipes?
18. Hand me that metric wrench there.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. "That's one small step for man. One giant leap for mankind."
15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
14. Light beer just tastes better.
13. Sturgis is too far to ride to.
12. Brass knuckles and chains are for sissies. I prefer kung-fu!
11. Hustler? No, I subscribe to National Geographic.
10. I shaved my beard because it made me look like a inbred redneck hill scoggin.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. Do these leather chaps make my *** look too big?
4. I'd like to open this annual meeting of the International Neurosurgery Association with a poem written by Robert Frost ...
3. I’m thinking of going back to school.
2. Those shorts really ought to be a little longer there, Peaches. I mean, hell, your *** is showing when you ride behind me.

... and the number one thing you will never hear a Harley owner say:
1. No more for me. I'm ridin'!

[dc]

ROTFLMAO!!!! I better print that, my neighbor rides a Harley!

[gcvt]

If Harley-Davidson made an airplane, would you fly in it?

Nuf said

[wizardgus®]

Oh yeah....
Now, the number one thing that a Harley rider will NEVER hear from a mechanic.....

"I'm sorry but your bike really isn't worth fixing."

[lllosingit]

Only NERD's ride BMW,s hahahahahahha BURP!

[Kahuna Tuna]

OK, turnabout is fair play;

*A Harley rider, a Honda rider and a Suzuki rider all worked together building a skyscraper. They were eating lunch together one day on the 30th floor structure. The Harley rider said, "Man, chicken again. If I have chicken in my bucket tomorrow, I'm jumping!" The Honda rider said, "Crap, bologna again. If I have bologna in my bucket tomorrow, I'll jump, too!" The Suzuki rider said, "Well, I've got rice again and if I have rice tomorrow, I'll jump, too!" The next day the Harley rider opened his bucket, had chicken, and jumped. The Honda rider had bologna and jumped. The Suzuki rider had rice, he jumped, too. The funerals were held together and the wives of the three were talking. The Harley widow said, "If I had only known I would not have packed chicken". The Honda widow said the same about bologna. The Suzuki widow just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Don't blame me, he packed his own lunch!"

*Recently killed by separate left-turning cages, Trog, Grody, and Animal were waiting for entrance into Heaven. St. Peter walked up to Trog and asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife, and remember, I will know the truth." Trog thought for a moment and replied, "Well, sir, it must be around 40 times." "Fine," said St. Peter, "you may enter Heaven but you will be riding that little green Suzuki over there."

St. Peter approached Grody and asked the same question. Grody answered, "Sir, I do believe it couldn't have been more than 20 times. "Good," said St. Peter, "you may enter Heaven, also, and you will be riding the red 600 Kawasaki.

St. Peter stepped up to Animal and repeated the question. Without pause, Animal answered, "Never!" St. Peter peered at him quizzically and said, "Never?" "I have never been unfaithful to my wife, sir" he replied. "Excellent," stated St. Peter. "You may enter Heaven and you will be riding that gold-chromed custom Road King over there."

Grinning from ear to ear, Animal approaches the bike, but when he reaches the exquisite showpiece, he suddenly lays his head on the tank and begins to cry. St. Peter rushes over and asks, "What's the matter?

You have never cheated on you wife, you've gained entrance into Heaven, and you will be riding the bike of your dreams, with no breakdowns, for the rest of eternity." Animal replied between sobs, "See that woman over there on the old beat-up Vespa? That's my wife!"

*This big bad drunk biker with a big H-D tattoo on his arm was at a big rally. He walks up to a dude on a Kawasaki and knocks him over then asks him, "Who makes the best bikes?" ... the Kawasaki dude says, "Harley....sir."

Then he walks up to a guy polishing his Honda, twists his arm and asks, "Who makes the best bikes?"... The Honda guy cries, "Harley of course."

He then staggers up to a rider standing by his Ducati and yells in his face, "Who makes the best bikes?" The Ducati rider flips the drunk biker then kicks him in the gut. After that he knocks his teeth out.

The drunk biker gradually gets to his knees and says to the Ducati rider, "You don't have to get so ****ed off just because you don't know the answer!"

*A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle, pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."

At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!!

*A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon.

He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship."

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat."

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a harley in there!"

[wizardgus®]

Kahuna,
You the man! I have been wracking my brain for some more family friendlys...comin' up dry. So, to buy some time I found a few errors in yours:
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a martini.
Is Bombay Saphire on the rocks w/olives still a martini?

18. Hand me that metric wrench there.
Oh man, I wish that were true...but there is some metric

13. Sturgis is too far to ride to.
I wish this was true too, but they should re-name it "Trailer Week"

5. Do these leather chaps make my *** look too big?
The only way this makes sense is if it is a female Harley rider. Then of course the correct response is: "It ain't the chaps honey."

[Kahuna Tuna]

Is Bombay Saphire on the rocks w/olives still a martini?

I dont know if it classifies as a martini or not but saphire sure is some good gin.

"It ain't the chaps honey."

ROTFLMAO!

[hogpark7430]

[RicksReefs]

speaking of ghostrider...

[Scuba_Dave]

Originally posted by Kahuna Tuna

7. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers. (1969)

Didn't the owners buy it back? (1981)

I had the "discussion" with a friend who had a Harley
He was big on American made blah blah blah

I asked him if I could take all the ricer parts (electronics) off his bike would he still be able to ride it
Answer was no


2008 -100th Anniversary!~!!!

I need to build my garage

[whatcaneyedo]

3. Im thinking of going back to school.

Yup I guess I ride a Honda Shadow. By the way thank you guys for all of the advice you gave me last summer when I posted a thread about buying a bike as a new rider!

[monicaswizzle]

So, a wing-dinger (Honda guy w/ the biggest bike), a Beemer (BMW rider) and Harley dude decided to go for a ride in the Alps. Since they all lived Stateside and wanted to take their own bikes, they took a cruise on a ship that would take them and the bikes straight to Italy. Halfway there the ship went down with only 3 survivors--you got it, Wing-Ding, Beemer and Harley dude. They all washed up on a remote desert island with nothing but a few palm trees and ocean for miles around.

They were walking along the beach, feeling pretty sorry for themselves and talking about which bike would have been the best ride in Italy. The Harley Dude was getting pretty angry and came across an empty wine bottle in the sand--He gave it a savage kick and much to their surprise a genie popped out. The genie said "Thank you so much for freeing me from years trapped in the bottle! Tell me which one of you gave the bottle a kick and I will reward that one with granting their first three wishes."

A terrible fight ensued with all three bikers claiming to be the one who kicked the bottle. Harley Dude was going for his knife, Beemer was using big words that none of them could understand and Wing Ding was trying to suffocate both of them with the stuffed animal he had rescued from his bike just before the ship went down.

"Alright, Alright!" said the genie, "I haven't got time for this. You each get one wish."

Beemer, being the smartest of the three, immediately knew what he wanted--"I wish I was in the Alps, cutting the curves on my K bike and looking forward to a fine wine and pasta dinner by sunset on the veranda of some old Italian Villa."

Poof! Beemer was gone, whisked off to Italy.

Harley Dude pushed his way up next and said--"Italy always seemed pretty sissyfied to me. I wish I was back in NY with my buds, drinking beers and looking at the old lady's newest tattoo."

Poof! Harley Dude was gone to a clubhouse in NY.

Wing-Ding looks around and says, "Gosh! I feel so lonely! I wish I had my friends back."

[UH_OH_5_OH]

Originally posted by Scuba_Dave
Didn't the owners buy it back? (1981)

I had the "discussion" with a friend who had a Harley
He was big on American made blah blah blah

I asked him if I could take all the ricer parts (electronics) off his bike would he still be able to ride it
Answer was no


2008 -100th Anniversary!~!!!

I need to build my garage

psssst....Harley-Davidson started business in 1903 ! You're too late for the 100th Anniversary !!! I asked this dude....I'm pretty sure he's right !

[wizardgus®]

Wasn't going to mention that, but yeah the 2003 models carried the Anniversary Edition emblems. FWIW they are planning a 105 Anniversary Edition in 2008. (that's Harley, can't pass up a chance to make a buck)

[monicaswizzle]

And a fine event the 100th Anniversary was too. I recently had conversation with one of the men who attended and he said the warmth of the welcome by the common citizens of Milwaukee (who stood on overpasses in the rain with "Welcome Home" banners as the sea of bikes flowed past) that it "Brought a tear to his eye", and I am pretty sure that his eyes have remained dry at the graveside of many a drinking and riding buddy.

He plans to come back for the 105th. So should you, it will bring a tear to at least one of your eyes, if not a flood out of both eyes and your nose too.

(Maybe I should cross post this in the thread asking for true stories?)

[Scuba_Dave]

I guess I missed that big banner on the History page

http://www.harley-davidson.com/wcm/C...p?locale=en_US

I was looking at the yearly info & read it wrong

I saw 90th & 95th
but thought 90th was in 1998, so 10 years later would be 2008
oh well, guess I have to wait another 100 years

[dc]

Originally posted by UH_OH_5_OH
psssst....Harley-Davidson started business in 1903 ! You're too late for the 100th Anniversary !!! I asked this dude....I'm pretty sure he's right !

That guys kind of dorky looking. He's in the photo album too.

[surfjeepzx]

I can't believe no one's posted this yet

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me."

God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!"

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

[BigSkyBart]

Originally posted by surfjeepzx
I can't believe no one's posted this yet

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

it's tough to go wrong with a classic!

thanks