How to approach parents?

[mr pink floyd]

I honestly think i have ADD, ive had teachers in school ask me, and even when i was in spain over the summer, the family i lived with asked me if i had ADD. I can never sit still without bouncing my legs, snapping my fingers or whistling or talking during class. lately ive been getting in more and more trouble for "distracting the class" when i either catch myself talking or whistling or just doing something that makes alot of noise without even noticing it. ill walk around just making noises in the house, or wherever i go, and sometimes ill realize i talk to myself, not on a bad level but like if im doing something, i have to explain to myself what im doing. i constantly forget where i put things or what i went into a room to do, and sometimes i forget to do some of my homework. hell, until about the age of 5 my parents had to literally wrap a belt around my chair at dinner to keep me from running around grabbing food off peoples plates. every time i say something my mom does one of two things, she asks me if i "really want to be one of those kids who takes a pill everyday" or says "youre a teenager now, you should have enough self control to not do these things" which i honestly cant, and i let her know, if i could, i would.

the first time i said something to her i was 13. tonight i said something again and got the whole "you should be able to control yourself by now" deal, and it ended in yelling about why i never tell her anything because she refuses to accept something might be wrong.

has anyone ever gone through something similar, or have any advice? i really need to know if i have ADD or just really low self control.

thanks,

mike

[Anemone]

You'd need a psychologist/mental health professional to answer that question for you.

If mom doesn't have insurance to cover an evaluation, their may be a psychologist for your district, or a free clinic you can visit on your own.

Good luck,
Kevin

[crp]

Try talking to your mom again when everyone is calm. Ask her to take you to the doctors. Unfortunately, ADHD is subjective. There is no test for it. Symptoms begin before the age of 7 usually. The doc should give your parents a questionaire to fill out and one should be given to the teachers at your school to fill out and the school pyscologist.

I have a daughter with ADD so I completely understand what you are going through. Keep trying to talk to your parents until they'll listen. If you have another adult that you trust, maybe they can help you discuss this with your parents.

Good luck.

[mr pink floyd]

Anemone, it was calm until i asked, and money wouldnt have anything to do with it. she really just doesnt want to admit i might have something. alot of it might have to with with because my brother had a 4.0+ through highschool, and has only gotten 1 B in college(syracuse) she always said she knows were not the same, but she let 'words slip' a few times


CRP, i think ill just wait until my physical in march to ask my doctor, my moms already made her decision

[dwd5813]

first, i applaud your ability to recognize this potential issue in yourself.

speaking with your doctor in march is a great idea, and he or she can help with the parents too. i think a lot of parents would have a hard time with this issue because it has the stigma of being a problem or defect. i read a book on adult add recently, and i cant remember the title right now, but one of the things that is mentioned in it is that the person with add is often very very bright, and that their brains simply operate in a different way than other people. approaching your parents with information about add, the signs, management methods, etc. may be a good way to go about it. if you can point out symptoms that you display it makes your case stronger but no matter what an evaluation by a doctor is needed.

one way that i was able to communicate with my parents when i was younger was by writing them letters. if there was something bothering me or something that i felt they weren't understanding, i wrote them a letter. that way i got to say everything i needed to say without fear of being interrupted or redirected, and they got to read exactly what i wanted them to hear from me.

i hope that you are able to find a way to communicate with them on this.

[Anemone]

Originally posted by mr pink floyd
Anemone, it was calm until i asked, and money wouldnt have anything to do with it. she really just doesnt want to admit i might have something. alot of it might have to with with because my brother had a 4.0+ through highschool, and has only gotten 1 B in college(syracuse) she always said she knows were not the same, but she let 'words slip' a few times

Interesting. Our oldest son is in his third year of Mechanical Engineering at Berkeley and has straight As. Our daughter (second child) had a 4.5 through high school and is in her first quarter at college, doing well. Our third child (son) is just as smart as the other two, but is also ADHD and we require him to keep a 3.0 GPA in HS (10th grade now). It's a mental adjustment for his two Type A personality parents and it's work to keep him focused, but we've adjusted.

Believe me, I understand. If it's ADD/ADHD, it's not your parents' fault, and it's not your fault. It really is a brain chemistry issue.

Kevin

[BigSkyBart]

Treatment is available

http://thatvideosite.com/video/3776



I know that this is a serious issue, but that is a funny clip

[crp]

www.chadd.org or www.adhd.com are good websites to get information.

[mr pink floyd]

thanks everyone


dwd, thanks, i think part of it is my mom thinks its all in my head

Anemone, i have kept my cumulative at 3.17, i only slipped this first quarter getting a 2.9(D in an AP class)

i am a smart kid i just cant concentrate, like i got the D in english, because i could not physically it there, especially with a monotonous teacher talking about the difference between a verb and a prdicate nominative

everything else is a solid B


Bart, good clip, everything thats serious needs to have some fun inlvolved with it!

crp, thanks for the link, but chadd.org doesnt want to work!

[Muttling]

My recommendation is to talk to your school's guidance counselor. The school is VERY well set up to address your concerns in a compasionate way and to help you if you have ADD as well. (Please note, they can do a LOT with your parent's consent but there are ways for them to help ADD without your parent's consent and they do not require them to get into a conflict with your parents. In short, the school has a LOT of tools at their disposal and a variety of ways to deal with ADD.)

Go to them with the attitude of "I have a concern and I want to better understand myself first. Second, I want to find a good way to talk to my parents about it. Third, I want to do well in school regardless of what challenges confront me."

You're on a TERRIFIC track and you're asking people you respect for their opinions. This is an area where your guidance counselor is an expert, seek out that expertise and take that advice with great regard.

I wish you well my friend and I am always here to talk to you.

[mr pink floyd]

thanks mutt, ill try to talk to my guidance counselor tomorrow, if remember(hard time with that too)

also, does anyone know if ADD/ADHD will also affect my sleep? i wake up at 730, drink a travel mug of coffee at school, get home by 230, but still cant sleep until past 1am. i have averaged 6 or less hours of sleep a night since, well, as long as i can remember. i could never take naps, and i cant fall asleep unless im literally so tired i pass out. having a TV on or music going also helps ALOT. my parents said its because i watch TV that i cant sleep, but if i dont i sit there for 2 hours doing nothing. or they said it was because too much food before bed, which i do, because i dont take a lunch period in school, or eat any breakfast(dont hate, im healthy, 5'8", 130lbs, play sports), i just munch on things after school, then eat dinner, and after dinner until i go to bed. i dont eat anything really sugary like candy, but i also find having a full stomach helps me sleep?

like right now its 1130, all my friends are asleep and im sitting here wide awake.

[MandM]

You can put a call into your doctor or the advice nurse in the doctor's office for information and let them know you want to discuss this when you come in for your physical. ADHD is real and some kids really benefit from medication but it is wise to explore this with your doctor to see if that is right for you.
Something that may help and certainly won't hurt, is trying to eat properly and avoid the coffee and any junk food. You know the drill, breakfast is the most important meal, yada yada. I remember lunch at school was a joke so I don't expect it's much better nowdays. Maybe some Cliff bars or milk and fruit at lunch. Your current eating habits are a path to bad health when you get old like us.

[mr pink floyd]

yea, i know breakfast is important, i just have never had an appetite early in the morning, and i ate lunch during the soccer season. The coffee is because im a horrible morning person and sleep half the day if i dont have it! now i get headaches from not having caffine in the mornings(unless i sleep past noon )

ill try to bring some healthy food with me, but we arent allowed to eat in classrooms anymore, and the library... dont even bother. im convinced librarians are put on earth to test how good kids are at holding in their anger

[MandM]

Librarians are so you don't think about sex ALL the time.

I'm hopelessly addicted to coffee so I can't hold much credibility but it is really bad for you.

[Anemone]

My youngest has never been an "easy sleeper." He's often still awake and moving around after midnight.

He's also had the smallest appetite/been the worst eater of the three. At 15, the other two were eating anything that stopped moving long enough. Not so for him. He will eat a lot at dinner, but almost never eats lunch (we've been throwing away uneaten lunches since elementary school).

Finding TV or music helpful to fall asleep also fits with an ADD/ADHD profile. Mental overstimulation, IME, is often "calming" to "hyperactive" people. Kind of like the way stimulants (ritalin and others) are effective treatments.

Kevin

[Muttling]

Originally posted by mr pink floyd
thanks mutt, ill try to talk to my guidance counselor tomorrow, if remember(hard time with that too)

also, does anyone know if ADD/ADHD will also affect my sleep? i wake up at 730, drink a travel mug of coffee at school, get home by 230, but still cant sleep until past 1am. i have averaged 6 or less hours of sleep a night since, well, as long as i can remember. i could never take naps, and i cant fall asleep unless im literally so tired i pass out. having a TV on or music going also helps ALOT. my parents said its because i watch TV that i cant sleep, but if i dont i sit there for 2 hours doing nothing. or they said it was because too much food before bed, which i do, because i dont take a lunch period in school, or eat any breakfast(dont hate, im healthy, 5'8", 130lbs, play sports), i just munch on things after school, then eat dinner, and after dinner until i go to bed. i dont eat anything really sugary like candy, but i also find having a full stomach helps me sleep?

like right now its 1130, all my friends are asleep and im sitting here wide awake.

Lots and lots of items here my friend. Items that may or may not indicate a particular problem.

You're at an age where life is VERY stressful, this could be a response to stress or it could be a variety of other things. I think you're a perfectly normal individual being confronted with the normal challanges of life. (Even if you're diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, this really isn't that unusual.)

This is a point in your life when a really skilled therapist can help you over the hump. There is also a potential for medication to help you get over the hump. The bottom line is that you are facing an uphill battle that many others have faces and there are people out there who can help you to get over this hill. Seek them out and let them do what they are so very good at doing.

[Putawaywet]

I'm just starting to understand what everyone else goes thru as my 9yol step son has just been diagnosed. No big surprise really as he can't sit still to save his life. He fidgets non-stop everywhere he goes... at the dinner table, watching a movie, in the classroom, doesn't matter where he's at his motor is always running. He will litterally come racing out into the living room bouncing off walls along the way, do a half dozen jumping jacks in the middle of the room, and then race back into his bedroom.

Homework is incredibly stressing as we have to sit him somewhere that has zero distraction and then micro-manage him until it's done. His focus is constantly wanning and you find yourself telling him over and over to pick his pencil back up. It takes it's toll on everyone.

The doctor just prescribed the lowest dose of meds to see how that works. My wife is nervous as heck but I'm willing to give it a try.

Sad part is, his father has continually refused to acknowledge that there's a problem because he's worried that if his son gets "labeled' it will follow him the rest of his life. He's gone so far as to insist that we keep the diagnosis a secret.

I'd seriously start with the advice about talking to a counselor or school psychologist. Let them open dialogue with your parents. Perhaps hearing it from a professional will carry a little more weight. It's a tough enough road having the entire family on board, I could't imagine trying to do it alone as you have been.

best of luck to you.

Brett

[BrianD]

Give up the coffee.

[TOURKID]

I have ADD and it sucks!!

I got put on cylert when i was in 9th grade. it made things way better almost immediately.
But the pills are 100.00 a month without insuance so when i turned 18 that was over. Its weird, the add pills they gave me would act as almost a downer for me. but if anyone else took em they would act as speed.
I have my own ways of controlling myself now that im older, but i cant control the add. I cant do just 1 thing.

I have at least 3 windows open on my comp at all times, if im doing a project im also watching tv and cleaning somthing. It really difficult to complete anything.

It may take me a week to do somthing that should take a few hrs because ill get up for a minute and completely forget I was doing somthing else.

what im trying to say is.. its a real pain in the butt.

My dad was diagnosed with add a few months before me and then he suggested to my mom to take me in.

[ShannonT]

I'm sorry that your mom won't discuss it with you.

I'm sure your school's guidance counselor or psychologist can help you out. And you're just as smart as your brother.

As far as food, maybe add a scoop of protein powder to your coffee? And gradually wean off the coffee if possible. Those headaches when you don't have coffee sounds like withdrawal.

You said on another thread that you have trouble focusing on what your reading. Maybe try to find the book on CD? Or ask your teacher for advice?

I hope you find something that works for you.

[asm481]

I have been a Boy Scout leader for the past 14 years. I have seen many cases of ADD and ADHDA. Fact is some of my "favorite scouts had/have ADD/ADHDA. The most shocking case was a boy I never suspected of ADD who at your same age went to his parents and said he needed help. Their reaction was a bit different as he had been diagnosed many years earlier and opted for no treatment other then strict discipline.
All I can offer you is my wish for your happiness. You need help that is a fact. I wish your parents could understand it doesn't mean you are defective. If you had diabetes they would treat you. Why not another disorder.

[Sk8r]

I was reading through this about to ask how you were sleeping, when you brought it up yourself.
Sleep issues do have something to do with this.
I spent a number of years as a teacher in secondary and what you say clicks into place on a number of levels.
Bright...check.
Bright enough to self-diagnose...extraordinarily bright.
Difficulty sitting still: trying to force concentration...double check: see: bright.
Motor [movement] issues: check.
Sleep disruption: check; also see: bright.
On so many levels, you need some help to back up your excellent efforts. There is one medical person you can probably get to without major difficulty: have a heart to heart with the school nurse...for one thing, to provide you some backup and defense if your nervousness accidentally runs afoul of some disciplinarian. Tell him/her frankly about the sleep issue; tell him/her about your mother's feelings about it. Possibly he/she can talk with your mother and impress that this is NOT a mental problem, not a defect of any kind, just a medical condition that needs some medical help. THere's no 'magic pill' for this. There are medications, some of which may be wrong, and you may have to go through several to get the right med, the right dose to have you bright and alert but able to relax a bit. Do not self-medicate with street stuff or alcohol: absolutely the worst thing to do, because the rebound exacerbates the situation, alcohol is very depressive on the rebound and you don't need that, Lord knows. Tough it out until the medicos can get you on the right stuff and do not even think of touching the illegitimate stuff. This situation does seem to improve as you get older, but when intersecting with the hormone attacks of schoolage--it's a real cocktail of blood chemistry. The school nurse-person ought to be one resource that's got the medical info, and maybe the right words to convince certain people; if they don't know, they're not a heckuva good school nurse, because this is definitely something that's got to be in their studies---I studied it, getting my certificate, and I was just a classroom teacher. HTH.

[mr pink floyd]

OK, so i ended up not going to my counselor today, if i have a hard time bringing this topic up to my parents, its that much tougher with someone i dont really know.

Mutt, i have been more and more stressed out lately due to junior year being 'so important' and i have noticed it gets worse as i get more stressed out.

Sk8r, thanks or the info, ill really try to go during my free period tomorrow. i dont have trouble approaching people close to my own age, but adults (no offense) i try to steer clear, unless they come to me.

but i also notice during some times of the day im completely dead for 20 or so minutes, like today for example, the first 20 minutes of 8th period i had my head on my desk and could not force my self to listen to the teacher, or do anything for that matter. i just sat there literally not concentrating on anything or thinking about anything, i dont really have problems squirming or moving around when i get into this 'mode?' i guess you could call it

thank you all for your person experience/ help

[MandM]

My mom's diagnosis for squirming and not sleeping....



You have worms.




My mom and her sister were obsessed with pinworms. All the cousins would get medicated if *one* of us (out of nine) twitched.

[Sk8r]

PinkFloyd, understand that your waking and sleeping, attentiveness, activity level, etc, are all moderated by chemicals the body produces naturally---many of them in a daily cycle of one evoking the next, and so on, in a 24 hr period. Sometimes, particularly during adolesence, this chemistry gets a bit screwed up...and you're fortunate to live in an age when, while doctors don't know everything about it, they know enough, and biochemists know enough, to be able to synthesize some of these body-chemicals. This lets them intervene in a screwed-up cycle with something to put it back on track, at the right level of activity.
That's why I noted the sleep pattern. The high, then low, all of this is what the docs need, and what I hope that nurse will be able to ID. Let me tell you, if she/he doesn't twig to what you're saying with that list of symptoms, I don't know what more you could say---except get to another doc, one that does know how to deal with this.
It's all biochemistry: and that's why I say two definite things: don't self-medicate, because that just screws it up beyond belief; and do be persistent in seeking help---it's not unusal to get on one particular med and to find it doesn't do the job, so you need to go back, say, "That's not doing it, it's not enough," or "I feel too medicated: this isn't me." This is one of those areas of medicine where your input is equally important as the doctor's, because without you reporting on whether it's working for you or how it makes you feel, the doc can't get inside your head to know: you become the primary reporter on that condition. So don't feel intimidated---the doc, once you get to one, will be very, very interested in your input, and your report on how you're doing with his treatment. If you and he DON"T hit it off, you need a different doc, because this is a personal thing, communication is essential, and you are very important in that transaction, do you see what I'm saying? Never, ever say "Oh, it's fine" when it isn't.
I do hope you can get a chain of events started that will lead you to the right solution---I can tell you, personal experience, if you've got a chemical imbalance and they can straighten it out [often your body can get itself regulated again after a little help] it's like the sun coming up again. Things are just so much better.