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  #1  
Old 12/31/2007, 06:14 PM
JJ21 JJ21 is offline
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Blue Bell, PA
Posts: 221
Talking Man's rules for women

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your own oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
__________________
JJ

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -Britney Spears

Rehab is for quitters.

I like the smell of a particularly ripe fart (only if it is mine).~BrianD
  #2  
Old 12/31/2007, 06:22 PM
pnosko pnosko is offline
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Location: Germantown, MD
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So how's that working for ya?
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Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.
~ Anatole France (1844-1924)
  #3  
Old 12/31/2007, 06:27 PM
JJ21 JJ21 is offline
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Posts: 221
great, thanks for asking!
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JJ

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -Britney Spears

Rehab is for quitters.

I like the smell of a particularly ripe fart (only if it is mine).~BrianD
  #4  
Old 12/31/2007, 07:01 PM
knowse knowse is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: kentucky
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Sally
  #5  
Old 12/31/2007, 10:17 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
Simply Complicated
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 605
JJ you'll never make it past 18 with those rules!
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #6  
Old 01/01/2008, 12:12 AM
danfrith danfrith is offline
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Location: st. louis, missouri
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Haha, i like the last one.
  #7  
Old 01/01/2008, 12:16 AM
Zestay Zestay is offline
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Location: gainesville, FL
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these are awesome. print out at least 24092482974 copies and distribute
  #8  
Old 01/01/2008, 02:02 AM
KEstep KEstep is offline
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Location: Amarillo, TX
Posts: 508
hahaha thats great
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If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Have a great day.
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  #9  
Old 01/01/2008, 02:14 AM
Muttling Muttling is offline
667 (Evil and then some)
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 772
If women refuse so accept something so basic as the below, why do you think they will accept ANY resemblance of reasonable and realistic expectations.


"Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down."
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"In all seriousness the SEC is the strongest conference" GrimReefer
  #10  
Old 01/01/2008, 06:12 AM
Slipstream Slipstream is offline
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Location: Prince George BC/Canada
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HAHAHA.. thats great, and lotts of it is true too.. lol
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The 'Slip'
  #11  
Old 01/01/2008, 08:48 AM
batguano batguano is offline
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Location: Riverhead, New York
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You're not married, are you kid? If you ever think marriage is in the future for you, don't get too attached to those, um, ideas.
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Jim

"If anyone offers you pigeon milk, say no thanks." - Fat Man.
  #12  
Old 01/01/2008, 09:06 AM
dc dc is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: {Wyoming}
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Quote:
Originally posted by batguano
You're not married, are you kid? If you ever think marriage is in the future for you, don't get too attached to those, um, ideas.

Yes, men know when to buckle....
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~Debi~

Powertripping~is that a song or a dance?

RC Lounge~Humor Questionable ~Enter At Own Risk!
  #13  
Old 01/01/2008, 10:52 AM
FloatingFish FloatingFish is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Odell, ILL.
Posts: 225
Quote:
Originally posted by dc
Yes, men know when to buckle....
And when not to.

If it itches, it will be scratched.
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.
  #14  
Old 01/03/2008, 07:59 PM
SexyShrimp82 SexyShrimp82 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 0
My rules for Men

If you can have them for women, I can have them for men... these may be bias since My boyfriend does all the work, but here are my rules:

We may love the hobby and even shop and aquascape with you... In my case.... even have OCD moments just like you... but our lives cannot revolve around the fish tank.

Yes I love the fish, but try not to take over the freezer with their food... and don't spill your defrosted food in my fridge.

If you are going to purify your own water, try not to flood the house.

Please try to stick to a 1 to 1 ratio of fish tanks to rooms.

If you must cure rock... do it outside or in the garage...

If your coral stings you because you are too stupid or manly to wear gloves, don't expect my pity.

If you have a reef tank, don't get aggervated when we like a fish that isn't reef safe... Women like pretty things... either squeeze a fish only tank into your 1 to 1 ratio or let us down gently...

If you sell us on the idea that a tank is for me, and that I am going to aquascape and maintain it, aside from water changes..... keep your hands out of my tank.
  #15  
Old 01/03/2008, 09:05 PM
Misled Misled is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: The East Side
Posts: 900
Quote:
Originally posted by dc
Yes, men know when to buckle....


We can even break when we have too!!!!

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Jesse

I want to be a bear turd when I grow up. ~ Bart

All butts must be sniffed for identification purposes. ~ Mutt

Tequila makes my clothes fall off ~ crp
  #16  
Old 01/03/2008, 10:47 PM
crrichey crrichey is offline
Chillin'
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Flagstaff, AZ
Posts: 4,865
It's unfortunate how such reasonable rules are regarded as silly or idiotic... I totally get why dudes can be gay lol!
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War does not determine who is right but only who is left.

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