Need some relationship advice...

[crp]

[joeychitwood]

Borderline personlity traits:

* Intense unstable relationships in which the borderline always ends up getting hurt.
* Repetitive self-destructive behavior, often designed to prompt rescue.
* Chronic fear of abandonment and panic when forced to be alone.
* Distorted thoughts/perceptions, particularly in terms of relationships and interactions with others.
* Hypersensitivity, meaning an unusual sensitivity to nonverbal communication.
* Impulsive behaviors that often embarrass the borderline later.
* Poor social adaptation: in a way, borderlines tend not to know or understand the rules regarding performance in job and academic settings.

Women with BPD are often very attractive and exciting initially. The important thing to know is that without intense motivation to change and prolonged psychotherapy, these unfortunate souls continue a pattern of disruptive and extreme relationships their entire adult lives.

[Jeffrey Porter]

i would have to agree with Joey. somewhat in a similar position. ending it would be the best thing. so long as her family knows of her situation, thats all that needs to be done. they will/should take care of what needs to be addressed.

[Misled]

Originally posted by BrianD
I have to wonder if there are chemicals involved in this change in personality.

Alcohol!!!!

[besl]

I was thinking about going to a university to get a Ph.D. about 6 hours away from where she is at college, but I was willing to give that up to go be with her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.... you're thinking with the wrong head. There are 6 billion people on the planet of which half are females. It's time to move on.

[Cubman777]

Why did kamakazi pilots wear helmets?
to ensure that glancing head blows did not prevent them from carrying on with their mission.

[jcjstl]

My 2 cents as someone else mentioned it sounds like maybe she inherited moms bipolar. Sorry that shes taking you for the ride with her.

[dkh0331]

She has cheated on you.

She has lied to you.

Not exactly the kind of foundation to build a long term relationship on.

She needs professional help. Point her in that direction and


Run Forrest Run

[billsreef]

She has also been on depression medicine but she very rarely takes it...she takes it on and off.

That says a lot right there. Makes for one heck of a roller coaster ride, and not a healthy one to be dragged along on either. Your not married, no kids, get off while you can.

[HPD Turbo]

Originally posted by Sk8r

You notice I didn't use the word 'you' anywhere in the above picture: you can't do it for her. You can't do anything except maybe find out the name of the psych she's going to and call the guy and tell him you're getting suicidal phone calls...which have to be taken seriously.

You are the master!!!!

This is very inportant, I have been in the same situation and if I would not worn the psych about suicidal calls she will be dead by now.
Walk a way right now!!!!

[trdofwrkin]

Originally posted by alzika
I am crying right now.


She got drunk 2 weeks ago with her 2 roommates and a guy came over later and raped her.

This is why she has been avoiding me and made an appointment with a psychologist.

I think I'll be scarred for life after everything that's happened.

...

i'm just at a loss of words. how could someone do that to the person i care about and cause me to most likely lose her forever?

she says she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in a relationship ever again.

her car accident was intentional. she keeps talking about suicide with me on the phone.

If it really happened did she call the police..did she report it...I think she is playing on your feelings....Listen to everyone...Dont make a mistake...You will regret it for the rest of your life and your wallet will to

[yrema]

ouch, i can relate.. to take her back during the first time was admirable, but if you're planning to take her back again, I don't know what to say.

cry it out man, then move along. If she really loves you she won't do anything to hurt you.

4 years... now that made me paranoid.

[UH_OH_5_OH]

WOW ! I just read through this entire thread and I have to concur with EVERYONE else !


As for marrying this girl....? Marriage is Grand ! Divorce is 100 GRAND !

[Misled]

Originally posted by UH_OH_5_OH
As for marrying this girl....? Marriage is Grand ! Divorce is 100 GRAND !

Been there, done that, got the shirt!!!!



Only because I was wearing it at the time!!!

[Tennsquire]

I think I met this same girl back in college myself. It just seemed that drama followed her around constantly until I decided to stop following her around constantly. The whole rape thing sounds fishy to me. It reminds me of a line from Tombstone Blues:

The hysterical bride in the penny arcade
Screaming she moans, "I've just been made"
Then sends out for the doctor who pulls down the shade
Says, "My advice is to not let the boys in"

Not trying to be harsh; just trying to be realistic.....

[Ewan]

Life is too short for this kind of drama. It might not feel right at this point in time, but this is a fine time to concentrate on your future and put this girl out of your mind.

University involves a lot of learning, and most of it is done beyond the classroom. I put myself in the same position after I moved to a different school to finish my degree. My girlfriend for 6 years started cheating on me. I wasted a few weeks trying to grapple with the situation, and then I just threw my hands up and walked away. She worked in a bar, and there were lots of 'regulars', and a whole group of friends that just did not include me. Careful evaluation sent me in the right direction. I got out.

Almost immediately I noticed that there were girls everywhere!!!

Shortly afterward, I met a girl in one of my classes. She was the one, and I never would have known. I married her after knowing her for 4 months, and we've lived and worked together ever since (7 years ago). The feelings of mistrust are gone.

Believe it or not, things will get better. IMHO, move on, and keep your head up. You never know where life is going to lead you. My the sounds of this situation, you'll know exactly where things are going if you continue to be a part of this charade.

Chin up, stand tall. You're not the first, and you sure won't be the last.

-E.

[Sk8r]

And might I add, a guy with a work ethic, a plan, and a sense of responsibility is one heck of a catch for some gal.

[crpeck]

If the rape is real, she needs counseling ... especially given her unstable behavior.

If the rape is not real, she has upped the ante of manipulative lies past the point that any remotely healthy or morally grounded person could.

If the suicide threats are real, obviously she needs serious, immediate help.

If the suicide threats are not real, she is engaging in the absolute lowest form of emotional blackmail to try and control you.

No matter how you look at it, this girl is past what anyone, other than a mental health professional should be expected to deal with. Once people start manipulating the truth you can never win because they can just keep changing their reality however it serves them best.

Whatever the reason: rape, bipolar, chemicals, depression .... who knows and we'd all be out of line trying to diagnose a stranger over the internest based on one person's side .... her behavior is clearly a cry for help. And its help that is beyond your ability to give.

Suicide threats always have to be taken seriously and you'd never forgive yourself if you were hard on her and something really happened. So you are kind of blackmailed here. The best you can do is to be kind, let her know you care, but keep a healthy distance emotionally till she gets help.

Hope things work out and settle for you. Sorry.

Cathy

[yrema]

I agree with cathy. and don't feel sorry or guilty for all that has happened between you two. You did your part.

[Jar*Head]

I concur with all the above.... You need to man up and walk away, ignore her calls and or excuses. You are still young and there is a long road ahead of you, you will find a better person as you travel along. Just focus on your school and get your degree one you have a successful career, you don't have to worry about not having a woman in your life.

If a Jarhead like me can find a wife, trust me you can too and even better .

I have been married for 7 yrs and life is tough in the military especially with all the deployments. I have to go oversea every 14 months for 7 months. As most of you former military know the divorce rate in the military are super high.

You should never have doubt or iffy feeling when you are in relationship. But if you do, it is time to let it go because relationship is build on trust. Once you lost that trust or one become unfaithful. It will continously happen over and over. How many chance can you give?

At this point, you need to think for yourself and your future... I hope you will get over it and move on buddy...

[alzika]

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. She wouldn't answer my calls and she thinks I'm going to get back together with her after this 3 week "break" that she wants to take, but I'm trying to tell her otherwise. Sucks that I had to tell her over a voice mail message, though.

Even if she was "raped," it was still her decision to get drunk.

[Jar*Head]

The harder you try to talk to her, the more she tries to get away from you. Just leave her alone and she'll come around then tell her later. 99.9% she will call you if you stop calling her cell and leave messages.

[A.T.T.R]

she wasnt raped.. she changed her mind after the fact....

and she will do it again most likely
what are her roomies like. she will proboly act just like them


as for other relationships...GIVE UP
focus on work or school or a hobby( you know i know this one reef site... infact i think the link is on the top of the page) or even a game

youll eventualy end up meeting some one with out trying

[B.friend]

Hump All Here Friends, STAT and take pictures

[Misled]

Originally posted by B.friend
Hump All Here Friends, STAT and take pictures

Don't do this, (don't think you would anyway).