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  #51  
Old 12/25/2007, 11:00 PM
dc dc is offline
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I'm glad you made it through the day Nina, holidays can be the worst, or the best, but the best takes time.
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  #52  
Old 12/26/2007, 08:38 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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I thought about you many times Nina over the past few days. Glad you had your family around and made it thru. You mean to tell me you had to choke down chocolate cake......what's thte matter? You didn't make it? If you put a chocolate cake in a room with 4 loungers and me you know what you get?

4 injured loungers and one big mess!
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  #53  
Old 12/26/2007, 09:30 PM
crpeck crpeck is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nina51
i have SO many fond memories of Christmases with gary. i am truly blessed.
Yes you are. Many people go through life without ever knowing what you've already had.

Glad you made it through Christmas okay. Here's to a great New Year with whatever life holds for you next.

It's bound to be good. You deserve it.

Cathy
  #54  
Old 01/01/2008, 02:27 PM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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i went to the cemetery today to tell gary happy new year. i'm so looking forward to spring when it's warm enough to pour concrete so i can get our headstone set. have not gone to look at them yet but i expect that will be hard to do as well.

on Christmas day, i went there and sat with him for a while. i cleaned up all of the funeral flowers, they were still all there. i took all of the ribbons and bows and covered a small metal frame with them, this frame had held a memorial cross made with flowers. in the middle of all of the frozen, dead flowers, i found a single yellow rose that was still in perfect shape. i put that in the center of one of the bows. today, it still looks as fresh as it did almost a month ago although it is encased in ice. it still looks SO pretty and gary loved roses.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #55  
Old 01/01/2008, 04:09 PM
dc dc is offline
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Hopefully you found some peace there.
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  #56  
Old 01/01/2008, 09:06 PM
xxaquanutxx xxaquanutxx is offline
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Thats so nice Nina. Happy Holidays!
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  #57  
Old 01/01/2008, 09:15 PM
maxxII maxxII is offline
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Hey Nina,

Hope you had a Merry ChanuKwanzMas.....

Failing that, I hope I made you smile a little.

Of course, if you've been eating White Castle's again, you could have gas, fake a smile, like infants do, and I'd never know the difference.....



Nick
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  #58  
Old 01/01/2008, 09:37 PM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by dc
Hopefully you found some peace there.
i don't know if you'd call it peace, debi, but i just feel closer to him when i am there even though i know he is not really there.

maxx, i'm gonna have to plead not guilty.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #59  
Old 01/01/2008, 09:59 PM
maxxII maxxII is offline
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LOL...I'll take what I can get....

Hang in there Nina. You've got people all over the world, (literally), praying for you and inspired by you.

God bless you and keep you safe....and away from the Demon that is White Castle....

Nick
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  #60  
Old 01/05/2008, 09:26 AM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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i got through another milestone yesterday, if you can call it that. it was one month ago since gary's funeral. i was on the verge of tears all day but i managed to hold it in till i was on my way home. i haven't been listening to the radio for a long time, for fear of hearing a love song. i turned it on half way home yesterday and the first thing i heard was "far away". that was one of "our" songs.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #61  
Old 01/05/2008, 09:29 AM
Freed Freed is offline
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I know what you're saying. I still can't stand to listen to love songs since me and my ex GF split up. It'll get easier as time goes by though.
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  #62  
Old 01/05/2008, 02:20 PM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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yeah, so i'm told. i wonder how many hundreds of years it will take.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #63  
Old 01/05/2008, 02:25 PM
Freed Freed is offline
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With me, probably longer than I have left on this rock. She left me a couple years ago and it still hurts 24/7 but I'm trying to deal with it. Others get over it in short time.
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Last edited by Freed; 01/05/2008 at 02:36 PM.
  #64  
Old 01/06/2008, 03:34 PM
snorvich snorvich is offline
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Actually, it never gets easy, it just becomes less intense.
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Warmest regards,

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  #65  
Old 01/06/2008, 06:59 PM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by snorvich
Actually, it never gets easy, it just becomes less intense.
if you are speaking from experience, i'm sorry.

i'm told that the intensity lessens with time. right now, this is all still so fresh and raw, it still seems like a bad dream. i can be going along through the day seemingly fine and next thing i know, i burst into tears. doesn't matter where i am, it's like the floodgates open and there's no way to stop it so i don't even try.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #66  
Old 01/07/2008, 09:07 AM
crpeck crpeck is offline
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It's all natural and normal, Nina and you can't control your dreams or force your mind to deal with things it's not ready to.

The unexpected rushes of sorrow can go on a long time, but they start to get less frequent and farther apart as you go on. They sneak up and hit for the darndest triggers at the worst times.
Sometimes I don't even know what the trigger was that started it but find myself sneaking into the restroom in a public place to pull myself together.

It's all part of the healing process and you'll get there. Physically a little cut takes a short time to heal but a big gaping tear takes stitches and a long time. Emotionally, you've experienced the latter so don't rush or be hard on yourself.
  #67  
Old 01/08/2008, 11:17 AM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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it seems so unfair to have to go through such a long process. i'm not feeling sorry for myself by any means but, it's bad enough to lose him but to be faced with month after endless month of all the different stages...why can't it just happen all at once and be done? i want so much to get to the "acceptance" part where i can look at pictures of gary without crying and wishing he was still here.

soon, i'm gonna have to make myself go pick out a memorial to be placed on his grave. i have gone so far as to call a few places and pose some questions but i have not yet been able to bring myself to actually go LOOK at them. that's gonna really suck.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #68  
Old 01/08/2008, 11:33 AM
Freed Freed is offline
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Was up to see the Dr. last week. Mom works there. Was talking to her while waiting to be taken back to a room. Was just looking around the office while talking to her and noticed a family picture on her desk back by the wall. My ex was in the pic. I wanted to just break down or pass out or something so I didn't have to think back about her. It's not as hard as it would have been a year or two ago if I would have seen it then but it still hurts down to the core. You're not alone Nina. It'll hurt for a while but later on you'll be able to handle it better.
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  #69  
Old 01/08/2008, 02:48 PM
TheBimbo TheBimbo is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nina51
it seems so unfair to have to go through such a long process. i'm not feeling sorry for myself by any means but, it's bad enough to lose him but to be faced with month after endless month of all the different stages...why can't it just happen all at once and be done? i want so much to get to the "acceptance" part where i can look at pictures of gary without crying and wishing he was still here.

soon, i'm gonna have to make myself go pick out a memorial to be placed on his grave. i have gone so far as to call a few places and pose some questions but i have not yet been able to bring myself to actually go LOOK at them. that's gonna really suck.

Nina, hon this is just a horrible part of the process and believe me I've been through it years ago when I lost my pap-he was like my bestfriend and I took care of his every need. It took me a very long time to "accept" any part of it, really... It was a bit easier as he'd already taken care of his arrangements with my gram, it was all payed for and just waiting for him. I am grateful for that though, it was hard enough on the little decisions.

Just this morning I thought of him and the weirdest thing, I thought of Gary, it seriously made me smile... My pap was a big duckpin bowler, he did regular 10 pin but his passion was the duckpin ones... he didn't miss a game and when he wasn't able to bowl anymore it broke my heart as I'm sure it broke his.


Nina don't rush things they'll all fall into place when it's the "right" time in your life. I really believe that Gary is trying to do this at the right moments b/c he knows how hard all of this is on you and he'd never in a zillion years ever want to hurt you... it will be okay, I know it's easy for me or anyone else to say this to you, but we only say it because we know it...



Christy
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i look damn good in it too, i'll have you know- Nina...
Look at all those forced smiles. They probably all hate each other!- Debi...
She can kick all their butts and can write her name in the snow in cursive!- CRP...


so...what are you wearing...?

panties...?

lace panties...?

that's what I'm wearing - ScubaDave and the telemarketer...


Life can be short, just like me... Live it to the fullest!!! Family is always there for you NO matter what, just like a "true friend" would be... A cheat is a cheat, and are always busted...
  #70  
Old 01/09/2008, 02:42 PM
Ritten Ritten is offline
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It's so hard Nina. Losing my dad changed my whole world, I can't imagine losing my husband like you have. The car is the worst place for me. How embarassing is it sitting in rush hour bawling like a baby. It will be three years in March. It took me about 2-1/2 years to listen to some songs on the radio in the car. I went through a phase where I would get royally mad in stores when I saw a man his age shopping, I knew it was not rational but I would ask why he's shopping and my dad is gone? I still can't look at pictures . I'm glad we are all here for each other.
  #71  
Old 01/09/2008, 08:08 PM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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i'm glad we all have each other, too, kellie. i lost my dad almost 12 years ago. i remember it like it was yesterday. my dad was my best friend. even though it was a terrible loss, i can't compare it to this.

when my dad died, i didn't feel like i lost of part of myself. i don't remember feeling like i just wanted to curl up and die. i miss him as much today as i ever did but it may sound strange to say, i don't miss my dad like i miss gary. maybe it's because we lived so far apart for so long. i depended on my dad for weekly phone calls and visits once or twice a year and i always knew he was there if i needed him but i depended on gary for my very existence.

not a day went by that gary didn't tell me he loved me and i was the best thing that ever happened to him. knowing i will never hear him say those words to me again is pure agony. i have never hurt this much in my entire life.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #72  
Old 01/11/2008, 06:06 AM
dc dc is offline
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Well it does eventually get better. And while you do put your heartache on the back burner, it's pretty much always there, you never know what might bring it back to light. After almost 9 years sometimes it still seems like yesterday.
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  #73  
Old 01/11/2008, 08:11 AM
Aquaticman74 Aquaticman74 is offline
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I'm not sure how I missed this and I feel like a heel, but I've spent the last two nights reading it all.

Nina I'm not a regular lounge poster, though I have followed what was going on with you and Gary. I just want to say that I'm truly sorry. There's no doubt you and Gary are soulmates and will be together forever.

God bless you Nina.

Mike
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  #74  
Old 01/11/2008, 09:18 AM
Nina51 Nina51 is offline
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yes, debi, i know i will never totally getting over my loss. i know it will get better and i look forward to the day when i can look at pictures or videos of gary and be able to smile instead of sob.

thank you, mike but please, don't feel like a heel!

God has blessed me over and over and over again.
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of all the things i've lost, i miss my gary the most.
  #75  
Old 01/11/2008, 10:40 AM
maxxII maxxII is offline
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Quote:
not a day went by that gary didn't tell me he loved me and i was the best thing that ever happened to him. knowing i will never hear him say those words to me again is pure agony.
Nina,

He's still saying it to you.....he's just using a different voice now.

He's a part of you, and always will be. Tell me you havent heard him say something in your head, I dare you.

Take one day at a time, its all you can do.

Its funny, I've never met you, but I think about you all the time, and hope things are going well for you....

Nick
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will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!"
 

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