Custody/visitation.. whats fair to ask for in court

[Nykademus]

Without going into great detail about what/where/when/why. I have decided that enough is enough and I need to have papers served to my daughter's mother for custody/visitation rights.

For the last 9 years I have paid child support and carried insurance when applicable.
I have never claimed her on my taxes and when I was left little other choice than to move where there were jobs available (3 hours away) I committed to driving back once a month and for holidays to see my daughter, which I have done for going on 3 years.

I would like to know what is fair to ask for when we stand before the man.

What I would like to see:
1) meet me halfway every other weekend. With 2 weeks in the summer.
2) reduced child support if I am to carry insurance as well.
3) right to claim every other year.

I realize that my first mistake was not going to court immediately upon separation (we were never married, so it was not mandatory), but I guess at the time I still believed in fair practice and general integrity. That's my fault.

I'm not looking for payback or for more than I am due as the non-custodial parent. All I am interested in is a fair deal that does not change when an involved party has a bad hair day....

I do not feel that I am asking for too much, but since I need to now pay a lawyer 1700 in fees to process this, I would like to do it right.. once.

Any help? And thanks guys.

[BrianD]

If you are the one who chose to move away, I don't think the mother should be asked to drive half-way.

[Sk8r]

The holidays are often alternated: Thanksgiving here, Christmas there, New Years here, etc.
Yearly would be I think unprecedented. The idea is stability with the 'custodial parent' for the child.
But reduction in child support, yes.
there IS no integrity where it comes to child custody, alas, not ultimately.
You may be asked to pay for a child counselor to ascertain the child's wishes.
A couple of week vacation together would be common. Maybe more than one a year.
Shared responsibility for medical appts.
Clothes become an issue: who bought what and where it now resides. Drives the kid nutz, esp. when there's acrimony over the issue...or somebody planned the kid to wear something which is now at the other house. You should agree on what clothing gets left, permanently, at one residence or another, and what the dress code is: there should be no disagreement on that.
If you are at all civil enough with the ex re just going out for lunch and discussing upcoming situations, more convenient or, due to grandparents, to trade a couple of weeks or a particular holiday, that would be civilized indeed.

[Nykademus]

It was either that or figure out how to pay rent and eat on 170 dollars a month. Ramen noodles get real old.


Is halfway not what a court would find fair?

[Nykademus]

Holidays I understand need to be shared and have seemed to work out pretty well actually.

Clothes go home with her, I have no problem with that. They would do no good at my house.

We are civil to a point, but hardly friendly. I am sure that both of us have tried to be at different times, but we have become very different people. This is why it needs to be taken out of our hands.

[Nina51]

here's what generally happens in illinois...in these situations, first thing you have to do is establish the father/child relationship. if you have never been to court on matters of custody/support/visitation, etc. then a court has to establish that you are, in fact, the biological father. if she isn't disputing that fact, then it's simply a formality.

also in illinois, child support is set by statute. one child, 25% of your take home pay. two children, 28% and it goes up with each successive child. sometimes, if both parties agree to a different amount, the court will enter a judgment for the agreed upon amount.

the rest of your requests sound pretty reasonable to me. good luck and have patience. it can be a slow process.