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  #1  
Old 01/07/2008, 11:21 AM
dkh0331 dkh0331 is offline
Grampa Extroardinaire
 
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Location: Close to the edge, down by a river
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Some giggles

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Idaho were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time

________________________________________________________


A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"Sorry he isn't," the boy replied, "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mom here?"

"No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here?"

"He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You'd have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."

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Too young for Medicare

Too old for women to care
  #2  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:10 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
Simply Complicated
 
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ROTFLMAO repeatedly!
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #3  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:12 PM
dkh0331 dkh0331 is offline
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Location: Close to the edge, down by a river
Posts: 3,095
And you would be.................. who??????

























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Too young for Medicare

Too old for women to care
  #4  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:14 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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Yeah yeah I know. I've been gone for a few days or so but I missed you doesn't that count for something?
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #5  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:16 PM
dc dc is offline
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Very little Aliie, David's on the list...
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~Debi~

Powertripping~is that a song or a dance?

RC Lounge~Humor Questionable ~Enter At Own Risk!
  #6  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:18 PM
dkh0331 dkh0331 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aliie
Yeah yeah I know. I've been gone for a few days or so but I missed you doesn't that count for something?

Yes.

Yes it does.


Quote:
Originally posted by dc
Very little Aliie, David's on the list...

The cookie list?
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Too young for Medicare

Too old for women to care
  #7  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:24 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by dc
Very little Aliie, David's on the list...
Ooooo, someone was bad while I was gone!!
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #8  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:30 PM
dc dc is offline
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David is always bad.
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~Debi~

Powertripping~is that a song or a dance?

RC Lounge~Humor Questionable ~Enter At Own Risk!
  #9  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:38 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by dc
David is always bad.
He's always good at being bad
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #10  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:39 PM
dkh0331 dkh0331 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Close to the edge, down by a river
Posts: 3,095
After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".

Brian was stunned, "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much too live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back right away".

St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".


"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."

"Never," replies Brian.

"Well just relax and let it happen."

And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him ..ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,





"Brian, wake up you drunken fool, you're poopin' in the bed!
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Too young for Medicare

Too old for women to care
  #11  
Old 01/07/2008, 01:57 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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OMG, LOL You are bad!!
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
  #12  
Old 01/07/2008, 02:04 PM
kzickovich kzickovich is offline
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LOL that's great!!!!!!!!!
  #13  
Old 01/07/2008, 02:11 PM
Jeffrey Porter Jeffrey Porter is offline
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that third one is a repost!! but the first 2 were great.
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Oh there's nothing wrong with it. Just a big hole where the pilots usually sit. 'Airport 1975'

There were plenty of fish in the sea, but i wasn't ready to hang up my tacklebox.
  #14  
Old 01/07/2008, 02:40 PM
SJGreene SJGreene is offline
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They're all great!!!
  #15  
Old 01/07/2008, 03:08 PM
wizardgus® wizardgus® is offline
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So the woman takes her 6 YO son to the zoo. As they get to the one exhibit he blurts out, "Look Mom, it's a fricken elephant!"

She looks at him startled and says, "What did you say?!"

He replied, "It's a fricken elephant!"

Now a little embarrassed she says, "And where did you get that?"

"Right there on the sign!" he replied.

She looks and sure enough, A F R I C A N Elephant.

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"Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more." ~ John Updike
  #16  
Old 01/07/2008, 03:09 PM
Aliie Aliie is offline
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That's cute.
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That's like rubbing a deer with bacon grease and turning it loose in the lion exhibit at the zoo. ~ Doc Joey
 

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