did i do the right thing

checkinhawk · #1 01/05/2008, 06:47 PM

tonight i did something i never thought i would do,i turned in a friend of mine.long story short he has been addicted to perscription pills(soma,xanax,oxycodone,and a few others that i cant recall),tonight he looked so bad he couldnt walk,talk,stand,or do just about anything but breath.i have been telling him for along time he needs to clean up and get his life back.i was so mad at the state he was in tonight i called 911 and told them he had OD on pills and needed help.my problem is i feel like such an azzhole for doing this to my best friend.what am i supposed to do,let him OD and die in front of me?i have seen him numerous times where i say he was borderline killing himself.i dont want to call his parents to tell them but he will be Baker acted and will be in a psych ward for 3 days minimum.i wasnt able to get his older brothers phone number out of him as i wanted to contact him and let him contact the family.man i just feel sooooooooooooooooo bad right now.

amcarrig · #2 01/05/2008, 06:52 PM

Weeeelllll, I would have let them stay at my place until they "sobered" up and then had "the talk" with them. If that didn't work, I'd have disassociated myself with them until they made a sincere effort to get themselves clean. Addiction is a terrible thing but sometimes, you can't help people unless they want to help themselves. I wouldn't contact their parents, etc., because it's none of my business. You can only do so much I'm afraid.

checkinhawk · #3 01/05/2008, 06:54 PM

talking to him is useless,ive done that 100 times and it hasnt got into his head.

amcarrig · #4 01/05/2008, 06:58 PM

Then you need to disassociate yourself as hard as it may be. Trust me, I've been on both ends of that kind of situation and unless they want to help themselves, there's nothing you can do. It's sad but unfortunately, you can only do so much to help a junkie. They need to admit that they have a problem and help themselves. Take it from an ex-prescription drug junkie. If you can't help them, you need to let them go unless you're willing to do an intervention.

drauka99 · #5 01/05/2008, 07:01 PM

no good answer to your situation, you did the right thing but understand he may never thank you for it

as far as contacting his family oonce he is sobered up a bit he will likly be calling them to bail him out. If I knew the brother I would likly call him and explain the situation, if I had never met him I would likly leave it to my friend.

checkinhawk · #6 01/05/2008, 07:04 PM

i cant just abandon my friends,he was there for me when i had problems.i feel it is my duty as a friend to do whatever to help him.i do see your point completely but like you said it is hard.i personally think he needs his true friends now more than ever if he is ever going to clean up.but i also feel i should have never been put into this position,i mean it is soooo obvious that he has problems but his family must be blind or think it will go away on its own.

checkinhawk · #7 01/05/2008, 07:07 PM

i also told him that i didnt want him to be mad at me and im only doing it because he IS my friend and i DO care what happens to him.he said he wasnt mad but who really knows how he will react once he realizes the scope of the situation.

pnosko · #8 01/05/2008, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by checkinhawk
tonight he looked so bad he couldnt walk,talk,stand,or do just about anything but breath.

If you honestly felt his life was in imminent danger, then pat yourself on the back for doing the right thing, and don't second guess it again.

amcarrig · #9 01/05/2008, 07:10 PM

I truly feel your pain and wish I could give you better advice. If you really want to help your friend, just be there for him when he needs help and if he continues to refuse to get clean, get him some help. He may hate you in the short term but if he really wants to get clean, he can't do anything but love you for being there when the chips were down. Please, send me a PM if you need any additional support. I know what it's like and I've been there.

mrferrit · #10 01/05/2008, 07:11 PM

i am sure he will thank you one day. your friend needs help and on his own is not going to get it.
as a friend i think you did the right thing to keep him alive, hopefully they will keep him in for a while and get him the help he needs and hopefully he doesent get out and start again
my MIL is currently spending 1 year in jail for selling and using pillz also

good to see ya in the lounge man

checkinhawk · #11 01/05/2008, 07:12 PM

when i say he couldnt walk i do mean that literally,he couldnt get off my bed using both his arms and legs to push up.i do feel he was in danger,but still........it is really bothering me the more i think about it.maybe i should have just let him sober up,i have seen him like that before.i dont know.........

amcarrig · #12 01/05/2008, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by checkinhawk
when i say he couldnt walk i do mean that literally,he couldnt get off my bed using both his arms and legs to push up.i do feel he was in danger,but still........it is really bothering me the more i think about it.maybe i should have just let him sober up,i have seen him like that before.i dont know.........

Whatever you do, don't second guess yourself. Regardless of what you did, it was the right thing.

The Grim Reefer · #13 01/05/2008, 07:18 PM

Hey, it isn't always easy being friends. Imagine how you would feel if you did nothing and he ended up ODing at some point. Some people will respond to a reality check like being locked up on a 5150. Hang in there.

der_wille_zur_macht · #14 01/05/2008, 07:19 PM

IMHO you did the right thing. When someone's so far gone that they can't sit up in bed, it's pretty much impossible to tell just how far gone they are: if they'll "sober up" or just roll over and die.

Quote:

Originally posted by amcarrig
If you really want to help your friend, just be there for him when he needs help

I'll second this, with the addendum that you need to make sure you're not turning into a supportive safety net. Don't fall into the trap of "I'm his friend and he really needs me so I'll consider his feelings as the only important thing when making decisions." If you really want to help him, you need to put safety and health first. If he's going to get out of this, then it is going to hurt. The key here is that you need to keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel and help him through the hurt, since he probably can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

There's no such thing as a pain-free way to quit addiction.

checkinhawk · #15 01/05/2008, 07:21 PM

yeah i know in my heart i did the right thing,i just need to get my mind to agree.the next delema is how do i face him for the first time when he gets out?im sure it will be very awkwawd to say the least.i really hope he realizes i didnt do it to hurt him.

dwd5813 · #16 01/05/2008, 07:22 PM

be prepared to lose your friendship with him, at least for the immediate future. it takes a lot of courage for a friend to intervene like you did and there are situations where no other action is possible, short of cutting ties and walking away. that may be what you have to do now. in time, he may come to realize that you did what you felt you had to in order to save his life, but then again he may not. are there things you could have done instead? maybe. some people are able to recognize problems in themselves, while others require intervention. sounds like your friend needed this. i say you are a true friend. i hope he makes it to a place where he agrees with that. contacting his family is an idea that will have to be based on your gut and your relationship with them. be aware also that once he gets out of the hospital he may go right back to using. be careful with this entire situation, because whatever someone says or does means nothing to an addict who is not ready to face that part of themselves. best of luck to you and your friend.

amcarrig · #17 01/05/2008, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by der_wille_zur_macht
you need to make sure you're not turning into a supportive safety net. Don't fall into the trap of "I'm his friend and he really needs me so I'll consider his feelings as the only important thing when making decisions." If you really want to help him, you need to put safety and health first. If he's going to get out of this, then it is going to hurt. The key here is that you need to keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel and help him through the hurt, since he probably can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

There's no such thing as a pain-free way to quit addiction.

Gosh DWIZM, I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, most folks who are addicted will play this card only so that you will accept their way of life which never works out for anyone.

checkinhawk · #18 01/05/2008, 07:28 PM

everything all of you said makes perfect sense,problem is getting my brain on track.

amcarrig · #19 01/05/2008, 07:30 PM

Don't worry about your brain. It will adjust/adapt as need be. Just be there for him when he needs you but DO NOT get sucked in. Do what you will/can and he will eventually realize what kind of friend you are.

checkinhawk · #20 01/05/2008, 07:32 PM

i sure hope so,he really is a good guy but just needs some help,but chances are he wouldnt get it on his own and the cycle would keep going.i think his biggest problem is he doesnt know the meaning of moderation.

Sk8r · #21 01/05/2008, 07:33 PM

He may even, if he can get his head straight, recognize you as having been the only one to care ENOUGH to do what you did.

If he's got logical function left, he may be mad as all getout for a while, but if he ever stops fantasizing that he's in control of his addiction---and realizes how bad it is---he owes you. Bigtime.

Sometimes love means saying "I won't let you hurt yourself."

checkinhawk · #22 01/05/2008, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sk8r
He may even, if he can get his head straight, recognize you as having been the only one to care ENOUGH to do what you did.

i really hope this is the case.

dwd5813 · #23 01/05/2008, 07:36 PM

your brain seems to be perfectly on track here. i understand how you could feel but it did need to be done if your friend was in that kind of shape. the important thing to remember is that you recognized the severity of this situation and also what you could and couldn't do to help. i'll say it again: you are a true friend.

amcarrig · #24 01/05/2008, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by checkinhawk
i sure hope so,he really is a good guy but just needs some help,but chances are he wouldnt get it on his own and the cycle would keep going.i think his biggest problem is he doesnt know the meaning of moderation.

Unfortunately, no addict knows the meaning of moderation and I have known many people who were good people regardless of their addiction. Just trust your instincts and don't forget or deviate from what you feel is right or wrong. Your friend has a long row to hoe but as long as he has friends like you, his road won't be as difficult as it would be if he didn't have people like you who care for him.

Ritten · #25 01/05/2008, 07:46 PM

It's done. There is no going back. IMHO you did absolutely the right thing. The way you described him, he could have easily died, I would be second quessing myself if I was you also, but you are getting a lot of support here that you DID DO the right thing. I hope this doesn't wreck your whole weekend.