Ugh, ex-girlfriend is driving 4 hours to see me

[alzika]

I just checked my voicemail and she left a message for me saying she was on her way home so we could "talk". She's driving 4 hours then turning back around and going back, supposedly, after we talk about whatever she wants to talk about.

I did NOT agree to this. That's what her voicemail message said and she turned her phone off.

I made a thread about a week ago detailing all the crap shes done to me. She effectively cheated on me then left me hanging many, many times on what she wanted. She also lied and said she was raped while drunk, which she later admitted was not true.

She has since broken up with that guy, but I don't know what to do. She is bringing some of my stuff that I need back.

I really don't even know if I should talk to her at all. She may expect us to get back together, but I honestly don't think that can ever happen. I already made a commitment to purchase this nice car with some money I had saved up for her engagement ring!

Any suggestions? Do I just not talk to her at all after she drives all this way? Ugh...

[Anemone]

Do you REALLY, REALLY need the stuff back? If not, I'd say find someplace else to be until tomorrow. You didn't agree to her coming to visit you, and by turning off her phone, she's effectively trying to blackmail you into being there. Just leave a message on her voicemail telling her you won't be around, sorry, then turn off YOUR phone and get yourself gone to someplace she can't find you.

Kevin

[Fat Man]

Originally posted by Anemone
Do you REALLY, REALLY need the stuff back? If not, I'd say find someplace else to be until tomorrow. You didn't agree to her coming to visit you, and by turning off her phone, she's effectively trying to blackmail you into being there. Just leave a message on her voicemail telling her you won't be around, sorry, then turn off YOUR phone and get yourself gone to someplace she can't find you.

Kevin

I like that answer.

You can always buy more stuff.

[Aliie]

I agree. Don't give her the time.

[dc]

I also agree with Kevin. No sense in doing a replay.

[Sk8r]

Oh, isn't this just right down the script! Been there, done that! The big drama---the long drive---the self-sacrifice---
If you heard she was armed, you wouldn't meet with her.
Well, she is armed---with hysterics, tears, carefully laid arguments.
All right, she's got your stuff. Let her come to the front door. Take the stuff. Don't let her in. Don't share a car with her. Tell her you'll drive independently and meet her for coffee or a beer at the local watering hole before she drives back: don't buy her supper: it's dutch. Drive over there, let her say her piece to the time of rap and neon light, say, sorry. No way. NO. No-how. Say, have a nice life, wish you well, no hard feelings [so lie politely] and go figure things out.
Yep, she'll bawl in public.
Yep, she'll be embarrassing [go to your SECOND favorite watering hole].
Yep, she'll expect you to weaken and take her to your place, and she's probably been plotting how to end up spending the night [this girl will THRIVE on schemes and drama]...and you let her buy her own dinner, her own drink, and send her off: if she pleads it's too late [and she'll probably try to be sure it is], tell her get a motel.
Orrrrr....you could go fishing that weekend and leave some really good friend to babysit your place and receive your stuff. THen you can take HIM/HER out for a steak afterward.

[drauka99]

^ my thoughts are kinda like sk8r -

Here what I woudl do -

Leave message on her phone saying you have other plans but you can meet her somewhere in town, Do not met her at your home and if you do definatly don't let her in, she has lied in the past about rape and I woudl think only meeting in very public places would be adceptable. Whatever you do do not have "relations" with her!!!!! I'd meet at some coffee shop or something, not somewhere you two went together (that way she can't play the - remember all the good times we had here card - then when she gets there get your stuff first then sit down and let her say he peice then say yours and leave and tell her - you are moving on and you think its best she did the same.

[dkh0331]

Originally posted by dkh0331


She needs professional help. Point her in that direction and


Run Forrest Run

[Kinetic]

turn off your phone, stay at a friend's place. write a note on your door for her to leave your stuff on the doorstep =P

[Blown 346]

I agree, with others. I have been down this road.She is only doing this to try and give her self an edge against you to take her back. It sounds like she wants to have things her way or nothing at all. Do what she wants to do and you should just go along for the ride.

By seeing her, it will only make her think you might be willing to give her another chance. I live by this.... Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. If you do go back with her, give her the time of day, what happens from there is your fault as the thought of it happening was in the back of your head from the past.

She needs to move on, it sounds like you already have, just let her have it sink in and be on her way. Let her drop the stuff off, then do whatever you have too, to leave. I know it can be hard to be a jerk sometimes, this is one of those times where you have to be.

[GSMguy]

Originally posted by alzika

I made a thread about a week ago detailing all the crap shes done to me. She effectively cheated on me then left me hanging many, many times on what she wanted. She also lied and said she was raped while drunk, which she later admitted was not true...

i had a Girlfriend who did the same Thing Run Very fast and never see her again.....

[Sk8r]

She's the one being a jerk. Major jerk.

[batguano]

Originally posted by Sk8r
Oh, isn't this just right down the script! Been there, done that! The big drama---the long drive---the self-sacrifice---
If you heard she was armed, you wouldn't meet with her.
Well, she is armed---with hysterics, tears, carefully laid arguments.
All right, she's got your stuff. Let her come to the front door. Take the stuff. Don't let her in. Don't share a car with her. Tell her you'll drive independently and meet her for coffee or a beer at the local watering hole before she drives back: don't buy her supper: it's dutch. Drive over there, let her say her piece to the time of rap and neon light, say, sorry. No way. NO. No-how. Say, have a nice life, wish you well, no hard feelings [so lie politely] and go figure things out.
Yep, she'll bawl in public.
Yep, she'll be embarrassing [go to your SECOND favorite watering hole].
Yep, she'll expect you to weaken and take her to your place, and she's probably been plotting how to end up spending the night [this girl will THRIVE on schemes and drama]...and you let her buy her own dinner, her own drink, and send her off: if she pleads it's too late [and she'll probably try to be sure it is], tell her get a motel.
Orrrrr....you could go fishing that weekend and leave some really good friend to babysit your place and receive your stuff. THen you can take HIM/HER out for a steak afterward.

This could not be any more accurate. You have gotten sage advice here, all I will add is you should really take the second option. Get outta Dodge!

[Muttling]

Ditto to ALL the above!!!!!


It's a major set up.

[TheBimbo]

Hmmm- well if you really want your things back- have one of your friends be at your place- if she has your stuff, she'll come to the door with them or you'll have to go to her car and get them. get your stuff and then shut the door on her just like she had shut the door on you!!!



I'd have another person there with you though just so that you aren't tempted to talk to her more than you need to... good luck


Christy...

[batguano]

Life is so very short, alzika. It would be a pity to spend it in a prison, especially one you've locked yourself in. Don't do it.

[Crusty Old Shellback]

Best advice has already been given.

Run Forrest Run


Get outta Dodge!

find someplace else to be until tomorrow
turn off YOUR phone

write a note on your door for her to leave your stuff on the doorstep

[tyoberg]

If you don't have other plans already, make some.

[Sk8r]

Notice how fast and definitely people are posting to this thread? It's rung very familiar bells with a lot of people. She is not unique, and she is not uniquely female.
The consensus is---don't get rooked in. I really, really hate to deal with a person in this frame of mind by feeding their romantic fantasy world of pursuit and 'somebody must be-LONG to somebody' [false: glug!]; but I confess on one notable occasion---I 'borrowed' a friend's date, just for window-dressing. I did let the borrowed date in on the scenario, just so there be no complications on *that* side.
The pest detoured around me after that.

[AquariaOCD]

without a doubt - split.

[Ritten]

And if she doesn't leave your stuff, you can always get more.

[AquariaOCD]

Originally posted by Sk8r
Notice how fast and definitely people are posting to this thread? It's rung very familiar bells with a lot of people. She is not unique, and she is not uniquely female.

well said

[Caragol]

You should leave your phone on, but not be there. When she can't find you and she calls, say "I didn't get your message, but I just drove 4 hours to (wherever she lives) to see you!". Then breathe into your phone to fake static and say hello a lot and pretend you can't hear her.

Sorry... I just thought this thread needed some bad advice since everyone else is giving the correct advice.

[gtrestoration]

If more healing time had passed I'd have a suggestion. But based on the original post I'd say that's not the case.

SteveU

[dkh0331]