i have a question about grief

[Nina51]

i know some of you have been through what i'm going through. i have tried for weeks now to dream about gary and it just won't happen. i have watched the dvd of him that we had done for his services. i have looked at pictures of him right before i go to bed. i've done everything i can think of and i still haven't had a single dream about him. in fact, i haven't had any dreams at all.

i'm having some guilt feelings. toward the end, i prayed to God to end his suffering. i prayed for God to have mercy. now i'm feeling guilty because it almost seems like i WANTED him to die. i knew he would never get well and i just wanted him to be at peace and now i can't get those thoughts out of my head and maybe i'm being punished for them.

anybody wanna take a shot at this?