Stall Wars: Episode 1

[mightyms2401]

Alright, so here's the situation....

I've got an urge that has been brewing since I put down 7 chicken wings, a half plate of chili nachos, a Philly cheese steak, and some beers the night before. It's about 1:45 the next day and I got so bogged down with work that I could not relieve this urge. We've all been there. You know, where you feel like you are in no man's land. If you get up out of your chair you are going to release some sort of heavy odor, but if you don't get up and take care of business you'll be sitting in a pile of self-made feces the rest of the day.

So, I shuffle off to the bathroom without any regard for the people I'm passing in the hall and barge into the men's room. Let me paint you a picture of the men's room. You walk in and there is a nice clean-up area with faucets and mirrors. You take a right, go through an archway, and there are stalls on both sides. 2 stalls on the left, 3 stalls on the right. the third stall on the right is the handicap stall.

Being the courteous public bathroom inhabitant that I am, I make a quick look for shoes underneath any of the doors -- for my sake, and the inhibitors sake, nobody wants to sit next to anyone else while they are doing their business. My quick look yields me to believe there is nobody in the bathroom. At that point, I am thinking that I'm the big winner. I didn't choose the stall on the left because one of the stall doors was closed. there could have possibly been someone in that stall. So, I choose the middle stall on the right side. Why the middle, you might ask???

1. I was in a hurry to get seated
2. I can't choose the handicap stall. Although the benefit of more room is very inviting, in the off chance that someone handicap actually comes into the bathroom and needs to use that stall, I'm the big .
3. The other stall door looked to be closed also (I remind you that I still did not see any shoes)

So, I'm taking care of business. we all know that you take care of business differently when you think you are alone as compared to when you know you are with someone else in a public restroom. So you can imagine my horror when I look over and under and see a pair of shoes appear from the back of the stall next to me. Yeah, he's been there the whole time!!!

Therein lies the dilemma....I feel as though I did my due diligence in the timeframe I was working with to make sure that I was not interrupting anyone's bathroom experience. I also feel that it is the DUTY of the person occupying a stall in the bathroom to make their presence known. A simple 'Ahem' when you hear the bathroom door open will alert the next occupier to check double hard for the appropriate stall position in their Endeavour to release fecal matter.

I'd like to hear some opinions on this issue as I feel violated that I was interrupted in the middle of my quest for relief with a moment of panic and horror. Thus, ruining any chance I had at a quiet moment of serenity.

Thoughts/comments/questions???

[Kevomac]

IBTL



Where's Griss when we need him, anyway?

[schaef]

hahaha that is hilarious

[Nykademus]

This is the reason I carry a small jar of super crunchy peanut butter with me as its not fair that I should have to bear the brunt of the full effect of humiliation.

Spread a little on the TP.. "drop" it so that it falls into the other stall and ask them to kick it back over. You will then have your personal reflection time.

[schaef]

It is up to the person who enters the bathroom. I don’t care if you didn’t take the time to check that no one was sitting next to you. You sir need to stop waiting until the last possible second before rushing to the bathroom. You need to give yourself enough time to assess the situation and if need be return to your desk if all stalls are taken. Imagine what would have transpired had all the stalls been taken.

[mightyms2401]

I'm still a little upset about yesterday's events; however, what's done is done. And we can't change that. I feel as though I've learned and am ready to move on. With that said, I think all parties involved will be glad to know that I had a phenomenal bathroom experience just an hour ago.

I also set a new record for 40 line Tetris on my cell phone (level 12) during today's ritual movement.

[Cobra99]

It is difficult to diagnose this situation without seeing a video surveillance tape. However, by your explanation it seems as if you did everything you could to verify you were alone. A few key details concern with your decision you were alone.
1. Two of the stalls were locked. Are you trying to tell me someone locked the door then crawled under the door just to **** with the next contestant?
2. You still occupied a stall next to one that was locked. Furthermore, if you didn’t see his shoes from outside your stall how did you miss then once you were in the stall. Maybe during your personal process someone snuck in squatted next to you as they did not obey the stall rules.
I believe it is the responsibility of the person walking in to assess the situation and make the right decision.

[Baums44]

Although it is important to always assess your situation in the bathroom, as common etiquitte, I feel that a simple 'Ahem' should be granted to the person walking into the bathroom.
1. You don't want the new inhabitor of the bathroom to sit next to you to ruin your experience
2. You're the patriarch of that bathroom at the time, it's your responsibility to take control of your property

I think the poster should seek out the shoes of the person responsible for ruining his bathroom visit and demand an apology.

[Coral Dilema]

Oh good lord. Just do your business and go on with your life, everyone does it, get over it lol. This gives new meaning to 'anal retentive'.

[crp]

Senator Craig? Is that you?

[Tarkus70]

I think you did everything by the rules. I am sure it will not be a mark on your record. The other person should read the rules again and not let this happen. We are here for you and you will get through this.

[Gawain1974]

Originally posted by crp
Senator Craig? Is that you?

Haha, I was thinking the same thing.

[hubris007]

Originally posted by mightyms2401
Alright, so here's the situation....

I've got an urge that has been brewing since I put down 7 chicken wings, a half plate of chili nachos, a Philly cheese steak, and some beers the night before. It's about 1:45 the next day and I got so bogged down with work that I could not relieve this urge. We've all been there. You know, where you feel like you are in no man's land. If you get up out of your chair you are going to release some sort of heavy odor, but if you don't get up and take care of business you'll be sitting in a pile of self-made feces the rest of the day.

So, I shuffle off to the bathroom without any regard for the people I'm passing in the hall and barge into the men's room. Let me paint you a picture of the men's room. You walk in and there is a nice clean-up area with faucets and mirrors. You take a right, go through an archway, and there are stalls on both sides. 2 stalls on the left, 3 stalls on the right. the third stall on the right is the handicap stall.

Being the courteous public bathroom inhabitant that I am, I make a quick look for shoes underneath any of the doors -- for my sake, and the inhibitors sake, nobody wants to sit next to anyone else while they are doing their business. My quick look yields me to believe there is nobody in the bathroom. At that point, I am thinking that I'm the big winner. I didn't choose the stall on the left because one of the stall doors was closed. there could have possibly been someone in that stall. So, I choose the middle stall on the right side. Why the middle, you might ask???

1. I was in a hurry to get seated
2. I can't choose the handicap stall. Although the benefit of more room is very inviting, in the off chance that someone handicap actually comes into the bathroom and needs to use that stall, I'm the big .
3. The other stall door looked to be closed also (I remind you that I still did not see any shoes)

So, I'm taking care of business. we all know that you take care of business differently when you think you are alone as compared to when you know you are with someone else in a public restroom. So you can imagine my horror when I look over and under and see a pair of shoes appear from the back of the stall next to me. Yeah, he's been there the whole time!!!

Therein lies the dilemma....I feel as though I did my due diligence in the timeframe I was working with to make sure that I was not interrupting anyone's bathroom experience. I also feel that it is the DUTY of the person occupying a stall in the bathroom to make their presence known. A simple 'Ahem' when you hear the bathroom door open will alert the next occupier to check double hard for the appropriate stall position in their Endeavour to release fecal matter.

I'd like to hear some opinions on this issue as I feel violated that I was interrupted in the middle of my quest for relief with a moment of panic and horror. Thus, ruining any chance I had at a quiet moment of serenity.

Thoughts/comments/questions???

The entire star wars saga was shorter than that story.

[mightyms2401]

Ok Fellas I want to start by saying thanks for every ones support in this most difficult time I am going through. I still feel a little violated and stripped of my right to poop in peace at work. Thus last night I was prompted to do a little research on the matter. Below is what I came up with. I feel that we should all take the time to read through this and learn to avoid the awkward experience I had this past Monday.





How to Poop at Work: a must read.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As
much as we try to convince
ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For
those who hate pooping
at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking
a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
the smell is not in your
area
and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where
it came from. Be
careful
when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart
has been expelled. Walk an
extra
30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY:
This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before
pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at
the urinal or forcing
a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
acknowledge it. Pretend it
did not happen. If you are standing next to the
farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
this should happen, do
not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This
reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink
up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the
WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
after you have just
stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
pretend that the smell
does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be
avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn
proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office
for
the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you
to monitor the
whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and
identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS:
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in
the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper
of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: >> This is someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and
vulnerable
moments that can occur when taking a poop at work.
If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
This way you will avoid
all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you
are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be
used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The
Camo-Cough is
very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
end all doubt that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave
the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud
splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the
toilet water. Often acompanied by an Escapee. Try
using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger
around forever.
This person could spend ext ended lengths of time in
front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult
to relax while on
the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when
the bathroom is empty.
This benefits you as well as other bathroom
attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an
Inevitable part of life.

[Tarkus70]

Printed and displayed in a place for all to read. Thanks

[orb]

wait i thought that the ASTAIRE (aka toe tap) was against the law. no tapping your feet in bathrooms if you all know what's good for you.