Well, you have to admit that some questions are rediculous enough to have a little fun with.
I mean, how serious can one be when someone asks why it's not good enough to just test water temp and salinity using a finger to taste the salt or see how cold or warm the water feels on the finger and save all that money on silly and expensive testing kits.
I don't think the suggestion to buy a pet rock with the offer of written instructions on the care and feeding of the little pebbles when they come along was really appreciated.